Season 9 Episode 19

The Maid

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Apr 30, 1998 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • When Jerry and Elaine are playing the game "Battleship," Elaine call's a "hit," and Jerry puts a white peg on his board -- the peg should be red for a "hit."

    • This is the second episode in a row where George makes reference to eating an ostrich burger.

    • Just before storming out of Jerry's apartment, George says, "Say goodbye to Koko," and Jerry responds, "Goodbye Koko." Then Kramer enters and also appears to say, "Goodbye Koko." However, the voice dubbed in for this line is clearly not Michael Richards's.

  • Quotes

    • Elaine: Here we go... (to Billy) Cough Billy, Gammy's not feeling so well... I have to go now, I think Gammy might be dying. (cough) Don't call anymore, Gammy's dead now, bye! (Hangs up)

    • Elaine: What a nightmare it must be to have a real family.

    • Jerry: What did I just pay for?
      Kramer: Uh-oh, you're a John.

    • George: You're sleeping with the maid?
      Jerry: Yes.
      George: I've done that. Did you ever eat an ostrich burger?

    • Phone repairman: Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.
      Elaine: You know, I could've killed you and no one would've known.
      Phone repairman: I could've killed you and no one would've known.

    • Elaine: (to Jerry) There's nothing more sophisticated than diddling the maid and then chewing some gum.

    • George: Well, Jerry, I've been thinking. I've gone as far as I can go with George Costanza.
      Jerry: Is this the suicide talk or the nickname talk?
      George: The nickname... George, what is that? It's nothing. It's got no snap, no zip. I need a nickname that makes people light up.
      Jerry: You mean like Liza!
      George: I was thinking T-Bone.
      Jerry: But there's no T in your name. What about G-Bone?
      George: There's no G-Bone.
      Jerry: There's a G-Spot.
      George: That's a myth.

    • Elaine: (whispering) When did you get a maid?
      Jerry: You don't have to whisper, she knows she's a maid.

    • (Elaine rushes in when she hears the phone ringing, and picks it up.)
      Elaine: Hello?
      phone: fax machine sound
      (After pushing answering machine button.)
      phone: You have 57 messages…message 1: fax machine sound
      (she hits the delete button)
      phone: Message 2: fax machine sound
      (she hits the delete button again)
      phone: Message 3: George: Hey it's George, listen, I…
      (she hits the delete button again)

    • Kramer: Madeline and I are watching Quincy together. Jerry, you know this comes on at the same time here as it does there?
      Jerry: Really? It's Tuesday here. What day is it there?

    • George: I have an announcement to make. From now on, I will be known as...
      Kruger: Koko the monkey.

    • Kramer: Listen. Heads up, Elaine. I'm gonna have to stop by later and pick up a fax.
      Elaine: At work?
      Kramer: No. At your apartment.
      Elaine: I don't have a fax machine.
      Jerry: Here we go.
      Kramer: Well, now what are we gonna do? (to Jerry) See? This is why you should get a fax and a Xerox.
      Jerry: And a dead bolt.
      Kramer: (to Elaine) Are ya sure you don't have one? Because there's a lot of stuff in my apartment I've never seen.
      Elaine: Then maybe you have a fax machine.
      Kramer: You just blew my mind.

    • Elaine: (trying to get rid of the kid who thinks his "Gammy" is still alive and at this number) Bobby, you've got to stop calling your Gammy... Why? Because sometimes you call very early in the morning, when Gammy's been out late the night before. And sometimes when Gammy's not alone.

    • Elaine: Hey, Kramer, what was it you were having faxed to my house, every-- thirty-- seconds?
      Kramer: I signed up for a food delivery service, Now We're Cookin'. That's a play on words. You know, they're faxing me the menus from some restaurants.
      Elaine: Which ones?
      Kramer: Well, all of them. It's the deluxe package.
      Elaine: So this is never gonna stop?
      Kramer: It better not, I paid for the whole year. So should I pick those up later?
      Elaine: You can pick them up right now… (leaning in close to Kramer's ear) EEEEEEEE-yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

    • Jerry: Oh, yeah? Well, then, we're through! And you're fired!

    • Kramer: No! Jerry, I won't be like you! Never! I'll never be like you!

    • (Kramer calling Jerry to pick him up from downtown)
      Jerry: Where are you?
      Kramer: I don't know
      Jerry: What street are you on?
      Kramer (looks around): I'm on First and First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe!

  • Notes

    • At one point, Cindy says "Koko, that girl's alright." This is much like David Puddy's line in The Dealership where he says "Koko, that chimp's alright."

  • Allusions

    • Famous Original Ray's:
      When Kramer calls Jerry in a panic, he says he's across from Ray's Pizza, and Jerry asks it's "Famous Ray's". Kramer responds that it's "Original Ray's", and Jerry again wants to know if it's "Famous Original Ray's". Famous Original Ray's Pizza in New York was so successful, that several copycats with similar names opened around town as well.

    • Jerry: Stay alive! No matter what occurs, I will find you!

      Jerry's line as he leaves to "rescue" a lost Kramer from downtown, was a famous Daniel Day Lewis line from The Last of the Mohicans.

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