Season 1 Episode 5

The Stock Tip

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Jun 21, 1990 on NBC



  • Quotes

    • Dry Cleaner: (to Jerry) May I help you?
      Jerry: Yeah. I picked up this shirt here yesterday. It's completely shrunk. There's absolutely no way I can wear it.
      Dry Cleaner: When did you bring it in?
      Jerry: What's the difference? Look at it! Do you see the size of this shirt?
      Dry Cleaner: You got a receipt?
      Jerry: I can't find the receipt.
      Dry Cleaner: You should get the receipt.
      Jerry: Look, forget about the receipt, all right? Even if I had the receipt- look at it! It's a hand puppet. What am I gonna do with this?
      Dry Cleaner: Yes, but how do I know we did the shirt?
      Jerry: What do you think this is a little scam I have? I take this tiny shirt all over the city conning dry cleaners out of money? In fact, forget the money. I don't even want the money. Just once, I would like to hear a dry cleaner admit that something was their fault. That's what I want. I want an admission of guilt.
      Dry Cleaner: Maybe you asked for it to be washed.
      Jerry: No! Dry-cleaned!
      Dry Cleaner: Let me explain to you something, okay? With certain types of fabrics, different chemicals can react, causing --
      Jerry: You shrunk it! You know you shrunk it! Just tell me that you shrunk it!
      Dry Cleaner: (looks around making sure not too many people are listening) I shrunk it.