Season 5 Episode 17

The Wife

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Mar 17, 1994 on NBC
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Episode Summary

Jerry and his girlfriend pretend to be married to get a discount on dry cleaning. George worries when a man Elaine is interested in threatens to turn him in for urinating in the gym showers. Kramer's quilt is taken to the dry cleaners and he gets less sleep without it. Jerry's relationship with his "wife" begins to deteriorate and soon starts seeing another woman behind her back. Wanting to impress his girlfriend's parents, Kramer enters a tanning bed, but becomes a little too dark when he falls asleep.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

Courteney Cox

Courteney Cox


Guest Star

Scott LaRose

Scott LaRose


Guest Star

Joseph Ragno

Joseph Ragno


Guest Star

Lawrence Mandley

Lawrence Mandley


Recurring Role

Barney Martin

Barney Martin

Morty Seinfeld

Recurring Role

Liz Sheridan

Liz Sheridan

Helen Seinfeld

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (5)

    • Goof: If Kramer wore goggles on the tanning bed there should be a clear tan line around his eyes but there isn't.

    • Goof: When Meryl and Jerry are fighting there is a partial six pack of Henry Weinhard beer on the counter. This is a West Coast beer (brewed in Oregon) which you can't purchase in New York.

    • Jerry is talking to his parents telling them he's not married, when he hangs up the phone he accidentily presses redial, you can hear it, then he looks down and presses the correct button to hang up the phone.

    • When George talks about his activities in the shower, Kramer comments that he takes baths. Whereas in "The Shower Head," where Kramer and Newman buy black market shower heads due to low water pressure, Kramer comments in disgust that he had to take a bath, bathing in his own bacteria.

    • Viewer Liz Pollack notes that when Jerry is bickering with Meryl about the can opener every time they switch the shot the bottle that is on the counter switches sides of the six pack case.

  • QUOTES (17)

    • Jerry: I guess I just wasn't ready for the responsibilities of a pretend-marriage.

    • George: A guy leaves a puddle of sweat, that's a signal?
      Elaine: Yeah, it's a social thing.

    • Elaine: Why couldn't you just wait?
      George: I was there. I saw a drain.
      Elaine: Since when is a drain a toilet?

    • Kramer: Hey Elaine, what do you say, if neither of us is married in ten years, we get hitched?
      Elaine: Make it fifty.
      Kramer: We're engaged!

    • Jerry: I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other, you care about each other. It's wonderful. Plus, I love saying 'my wife'. Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop. 'My wife' this, 'My wife' that. It's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

    • Jerry: He should just go, "Your honor, (puts on flap cap) the defense rests."

    • Marty: (to Meryl) Sure, you get the discount, too.
      Jerry: You might regret that, because the money my wife spends on clothes…
      Meryl: I'm taking him to the cleaners!
      Jerry: Ah - see the sense of humor? C'mere, I'm so nuts about you… (hugs Meryl) I tell ya, it was fun being single, but when you meet a woman like this, you don't walk to get married - you run!

    • Jerry: Hey, is that my maple syrup? Kramer hands it over.
      Meryl: You bring your own syrup?
      Kramer: Got to.
      Jerry: (to Meryl) You got a lot to learn about pancakes.

    • Meryl: By the way, you're falling way behind on the "I love you's."
      Jerry: No, no, 12-8!
      Meryl: No, it's 15-8.
      Jerry: I know I can't beat ya - I'm just trying to stay competitive.

    • Jerry: Of all the places that you go all the time, the dry-cleaning relationship is one of the most bizarre. Because, you keep giving each other the same thing, back and forth, over and over again. He gives it to you, you give it to him, he gives it back to you. It's like it's half his shirt, in a way. He has it as much as you ought to go shopping with him. "What do you think of this shirt?" "That would look good with a light starch." The only warning label people really respect is "dry-clean only." Y'know what I mean? Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings - your very life is at stake! People go, "Ah, the hell with it!" But dry-clean only? "Oh, don't put that in the wash! It's dry-clean only! Are you crazy?!"

    • Jerry: I don't know why you're interested in this guy. He's a jerk!
      Elaine: Because he doesn't pay any attention to me and he ignores me.
      Jerry: Yeah, so?
      Elaine: I respect that.

    • Greg: You're friends with the urinator, aren't you?

    • George: It's all pipes! What's the difference?!
      Elaine: Different pipes go to different places. You're gonna mix them up!
      George: I'll call a plumber right now!
      Jerry: Alright, can we cool it with the pee-pipe talk here?

    • George: What if he left you a used kleenex, what's that, a Valentine?

    • Paula's father: (on Kramer) I don't see a white boy, I see a damn fool!

    • George: (on why he peed in the shower) It's unhealthy to hold it in. I read that in a medical journal.
      Jerry: Did the medical journal say anything about standing in a pool of someone else's urine?

    • Meryl: (to Jerry) You son-of-a-bitch!!!

  • NOTES (2)


    • Jerry: (To Meryl at their final parting.) We'll always have pancakes.

      This alludes to the 1942 film Casablanca in which Rick (Humphrey Bogart) in parting says to Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman), "We'll always have Paris".