Charlotte York McDougal
Justin Theroux, who plays Vaughn in this episode, also played Jared in the episode "The Monogamists" in season one.
Duncan: I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
Miranda: Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual holy grail.
Charlotte: (taking muffins out of the oven) There you go, just like Nana used to make.
Wesley: Charlotte, the muffins are great. But I'd much rather prefer a nice dry martini.
Charlotte: Nana always made muffins to cheer you up.
Wesley: Well that was pre-Leslie. Post-Leslie, I need a cocktail. Now where's your vodka?
Charlotte: I don't have any.
Wesley: And you call yourself a WASP.
Charlotte: I don't see why you two can't work it out. You had the most beautiful wedding.
Wesley: And we're gonna have an even lovelier divorce.
Charlotte: I can't believe you're willing to throw it all away so easily, I mean, relationships take work, you need patience and understanding.
Wesley: Charlotte, when was your last long-term relationship?
Charlotte: Oh just eat your muffin.
Samantha: Here's what I think. Round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound. That way you get their whole history before you take one home.
Charlotte: Just because a man's divorced doesn't mean he has a problem. Like my brother, Wesley. He just separated from his wife Leslie.
Samantha: Eh...Wesley and Leslie? I don't think so.
Carrie: What is that? Marriage by Mother Goose?
Miranda: Definitely a candidate for the pound.
Charlotte: Okay, I was gonna ask you all to meet him because he's coming to visit me, and now, forget it.
Carrie: No, no, no, honey, we want to meet Wesley, of Wesley and Leslie, and P.S., does he work for Nestle?
Charlotte: My brother is very important to me and I'm not gonna have him subjected to scrutiny and ridicule.
Samantha: I'll be scrutiny, (to Miranda) you be ridicule.
Miranda: I always have to be ridicule, why can't you be ridicule for once?
Carrie: The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
Wallis: (to Carrie) When Frannie told me she was a lesbian, I said, great , just as long as you're not Republican.
Charlotte: That was a terrible thing I said.
Samantha: Yes, it was. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another tour group coming through my vagina in ten minutes.
Charlotte: Oh good you're back.
Wesley: Charlotte, I swear to God if you hand me a muffin, I'm out of here.
Charlotte: Honey, you don't know Samantha. I do. She has so many notches on her bed post, it's practically whittled down to a toothpick.
Charlotte: My brother? You slept with my brother?
Samantha: Oh, honey, what a doll, he really......
Charlotte: Is your vagina in the New York City's guide books? Because it should be. It's the hottest spot in town. It's always open!
Carrie: I like him.
Samantha: Well, that's real swell, but it still doesn't get the cream in the cupcake.
Carrie: But the thing I like best about him is his family.
Samantha: Anyone there you could fuck? (Carrie and Miranda give her the look) What, I'm trying to be helpful.
Carrie: I'm telling you, this family is like...they got charisma. Like Tom Cruise, they're the Tom Cruise of families.
Miranda: I'm pretty sure the family is supposed to be the obstacle to a relationship, not the attraction.
Samantha: Get out now, before he stains all your sheets.
Miranda: Oh, come on. That's harsh. It could be he was just nervous.
Carrie: First time is always weird.
Miranda: And he probably had something to drink.
Carrie: And we just spent the whole day with his family.
Samantha: Look, the guy could not get his Cadillac into the garage.
Miranda: I don't wear vintage clothes. I hate flea markets. I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be, I don't know, used?
Carrie: Ok, before it goes any further just make sure that his parts are still under warranty.
The song at the end of the episode is "Devil May Care" by Diana Krall.
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