She Spies

Season 1 Episode 1

First Episode

Aired Unknown Jul 20, 2002 on



  • Trivia

    • The stunt double filling in for Barry Bostwick during the flat-falling gag looks very little like the actor.

  • Quotes

    • D.D.: Red and green wires.
      Shane: That's so cliche.
      D.D.: Which one should I pull?
      Cassie: The red.
      Shane:The green.
      Cassie: The red.
      Shane: The green.
      Cassie: Die Hard With a Vengeance, it was the red.
      Shane: Blown Away, it was the green.
      Cassie: Executive Decision was the red.
      Shane: Lethal Weapon 3 was the green!
      D.D.: Guys, this isn't a movie.
      Cassie: You're right. If it were, we'd have bigger sets.

    • Shane: You know what I hate?
      Cassie: The systemic anger and alienation in today's younger generation?
      D.D.: The rapidly increasing national debt and its effect on our health and welfare programs?
      Cassie: Those tiny little hairs that grow on your earlobe?

    • Jack: (as The Dating Game host) Spy number one's a local girl made bad, who rebelled against her rich parents, found success as a master thief, and once crippled a man she claims was trying to assault her. Watch out, fellas. More than just a token African-American, she's proficient in Brazilian jujitsu and makes a wonderful peach cobbler. Say hello to Shane!

    • Jack: (as The Dating Game host) Spy number two comes to us from Washington, D.C., where she was indicted on six counts of stealing state secrets from a government database. An expert in computer hacking and foreign languages, she loves volleyball and dancing the rumba. Say hello to D.D.!

    • Jack: (as The Dating Game host) And last but certainly not least, spy number three. Hailing from Aspen, Colorado, this former Phi Delta Gamma earned her three trips to prison by conning millions of dollars from greedy bankers and C.E.O.s. She loves slipping into other personas and walks on the beach. Let's give a big hand to Cassie!

    • Jack: As you all no doubt have heard, Governor MacNamara has been given his own television show. The network's about to shoot the first episode.
      D.D.: First one's always a cheat. The rest of the series is never as good.
      Shane: Yep. That's because they spend all their money on the first one.
      Cassie: Put in lots of sex and action so they can fool you into thinking it's going to be like that every week.
      D.D.: That is so sleazy.
      Shane: I agree.
      Jack: People... it's a talk show.

    • Shane: Any suspects?
      Jack: A few. The Liberation People's Front, the Hammer of God right-wing paramilitary group, the Mallet of God left-wing separatists, the Screaming Banshees of Death-- they're actually quite moderate-- 24 members of the State House, 32 members of the State Senate, five Supreme Court justices, disgruntled postmaster general, the National Organization for Women, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Buckley, Billy Baldwin, Natalie Portman, Shannon Elizabeth, Kirsten Dunst, Jim Bailey--don't ask. His high-school homeroom teacher, his college Poli-Sci teacher...

    • Jimmy: I don't care what anyone says. Hollywood is a magical place full of magical people, and they deserve all the awards they give themselves.

    • D.D.: I especially appreciate the way you hung in there when things got tough. You did some of your best work with your back against the wall.
      McNamara: Well, thanks very much, D.D. Perhaps some day soon I'll be able to do some of my best work with your back against the wall.

    • Sharpman: That's interesting. People normally talk to me five, six minutes before they decide not to like me.
      Shane: I work in a network so I'm not that patient.

    • McNamara: Now wait a minute, you're telling me I can't say any of these words.
      Shane: That's right, sir.
      McNamara: Uh-huh. Well, just take this word here. That's just an earthy little term used to describe a release of methane gas that builds up in the digestive tract. And this, this, why that's just a furry little animal that builds dams. And you mean to tell me that I can't say Richard M. Nixon's first name?
      Shane: Sir...
      McNamara: Well, look at this. At Christmas time I can't say "Ho ho ho"?
      Shane: Well, as long as you don't stop after the first "ho."
      McNamara: Wait... wait, wait, wait. This is the last straw. I can do it to my finger. I can do it to a balloon. But I can't call the man who beat me in the election a little...
      Shane: No! Absolutely not.
      McNamara: That's totally *bleep*

    • Daphne: Turn off the damn TV.
      Scary Daphne: Shut your piehole, ya cow, I'm watching the Osbornes.
      Daphne: If I wanted to watch an overweight man with bad hair having acid flashbacks about biting the head off a bat, I'd go back to my first husband. (smashing noise)
      Scary Daphne: That's my Nielsen box, you cow!
      Shane: I see what you mean.
      Cassie: They're scary, Jack.

    • Suspect #4: Bitter, resentful former V.P. candidate. Especially angry about Justin's breakup with Britney.

    • Mitchell: And I notice you have me opening for the musical saw.
      McNamara: Well, I figured we had to wake up the audience with a little comedy.
      Mitchell: I see. Well, maybe you could do your impression of a responsible public official.
      McNamara: Well, maybe you could do your impression of rigor mortis. Oh, I see you already are.
      D.D.: Gentlemen! This isn't about who has the bigger... axe to grind.

    • McNamara: But there's a number of people who still think I should be President.
      Cassie: There are a number of people who eat other people, doesn't mean I'd put it on the ballot.

    • Jack: We've got word that there's going to be an attempt on the Governor during the show, and they've already started taping.
      D.D.: What do you mean, you "got word"? From where?
      Jack: Never mind.
      Shane: No, no, really. How do you "get word" on something like that?
      Jack: Never mind.
      Cassie: And how come you always "get word" part of it? You always know what's going to happen but never who's doing it or how.
      Jack: I said never mind. Can we get over there, please?
      D.D.: We're just a little confused.

    • "The Producers wish to apologize for the tasteless nature of this ending. Unless it gets you to watch next week."

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • D.D.: Shane! Come back, Shane!

      Referencing the 1953 Western movie Shane, starring Alan Ladd in the title role. Shane is a mysterious gunfighter who is caught between a struggle between homesteaders and cattle barons. In one of the movie's scenes, Young Joey (Brandon Wilde) calls out "Shane. Shane. Come back!"

    • Opening Sequence:

      The scene "introducing" the girls, from Jacott's blue frilled tuxedo to the dayglo 'stars' on the wall, is an obvious reference to the original game show The Dating Game, which ran for nearly 300 episodes between December 1965 and January 1967.