She Spies Season 1 Episode 9

Tanya: You should be thankful, you know. Some species the female eats the male after mating.
Jack: And not in the way we like it.

Jack: You said you wanted to butter up the boss, I didn't know you meant it literally.

Shane: Cause if anyone thought she was a sacred cow, I'd just have to kick her flank steak.
D.D.: And I'd might just have to...ummm, use some other bovine-appropriate metaphor
Cassie: How about we all stop chewing our cud and find out who is the Grade-A beef and who's the ground round?

Cassie: Next time we have got to use a stronger sedative.

Jack: The one thing about Tanya is she's relentless - in fact, she scored a perfect 100% on the relentless part of the She Spies entrance exam.

Jack: Well, that was 24 seconds well spent.

D.D.: Whitney Houston - we have a problem!

Elaine: (hearing Shane 'scat') I'm sorry - is that...Esperanto?

Elaine: He's from Kurkministan. No... Jurkizistan. Or is it Menturkistan? Anyway, it's a 'stan'.

D.D.: A wedding does bring out the best in a man.
Jack: (entering) Oh, I've got the worst gas day.
Shane: We're getting better at setting up our comedic entrances.

Cassie: This is my cover – Halle Burnbottom? If we're going to do gag names, why not just go straight for Stinky McPoopers?

Cassie: If we're guarding a wedding, why are we staking out Heather Graham's house?
Jack: (hastily) Oh no, that's a separate mission. That idea was rejected.

D.D.: I cast TV's James Van Der Beek as the groom.
Jack: There's been a death threat.
D.D.: On James Van Der Beek?
Jack: Yes, the death threat is on James Van Der Beek.
Cassie: That sarcasm thing again.
D.D.: I noticed.

Cassie: I get it. We make a joke and you pretend to be going along with us but you're actually being sarcastic.
D.D.: That's very clever.
Shane: And very effective. I'll think twice before trying that again.

Cassie: Oh, you thought we were talking about you.
D.D.: That must be so embarrassing.
Shane: Would my face be red.
Jack: So how exactly does it work? You sit around plotting these various little ways to humiliate me?
Shane: Sometimes.
D.D.: Sure. Over lunch
Shane: Or if we have a few spare moments in the car.
Cassie: Mostly it's spur of the moment though.
Jack: Let's make it a spur some other moment.

Jack: Let me assure you, given the right circumstances, I would be a lucky man to have an unhealthy, self-destructive and totally inappropriate relationship with each and every one of you...and I mean that.

D.D.: I think we could all watch a little more PBS.

Cassie: You know what they say...where there's a will, there's someone there to contest it.