After being attacked by Thomas with the price guns, JJ has two price labels on his sleeve near the shoulder, but by the time he gets around the corner, the labels have moved to the front of his shirt near his shoulder blade.
Eunice: You want to get in there JJ. My brother was in love with a girl during the war and by the time he got up the courage to ask her out it was too late.
JJ: What happened?
Eunice: His face got blown off by a bomb.
JJ: (speaking into a tape recorder) Captain's log. Nightime in space is cold, long and dark. So is the daytime. Nevertheless, the mission continues to make contact with alien life forms from a far away galaxy. I come in peace. (turns off the recorder) Tomorrow. If she smiles at me tomorrow.
JJ: (speaking into a tape recorder) Captain's log. Alien lifeform defined as Lara Lloyd. The most beautiful girl in this, or any known universe. Jonah Jones, a pathetic wanker who will die alone in a flat full of pigeons that he calls his babies. Mission aborted.
JJ: (speaking into a tape recorder) There's been an unexpected warp in the space-time continuum. Operation Lara is go. I've peaked. No... repeat... go.
JJ: You can't just stay here.
Cook: I'm sorry, mate. Fred's dad was getting suspicious, wasn't he. You have to keep me here for a bit.
JJ: Keep you? What do you mean keep you!? Her Majesty's prison service is supposed to be doing that!
Cook: Yeah well, I escaped, alright? What's the problem?
JJ: You... Well... I've got a life Cook.
Cook: Oh well I wouldn't want to mess up your fucking hectic social world, Jaykins.
JJ: FYI, things have changed, Cook. I've got a job. And a date. With a girl. This is hopeless. I'm stressed, I'm going to fuck up and I don't know what I'm doing.
JJ: (to the barmaid) I'd like a Capribena, straight up, on the rocks, with a twist.
Barmaid: What the fucks a Capribena?
JJ: It's a Capri-Sun and Ribena cocktail. It's how I roll.
Barmaid: We haven't got any Ribena. Or Capri-Sun.
JJ: Okay. Water. Tap. Hold the ice. Lady... I mean, Lara?
Lara: Vodka and Coke.
JJ: You heard the Lara. Vodka and Cock... I mean, Coke.
JJ: Are your pupils usually so dilated...
Lara: Only when I'm pissed off.
(JJ tries to escape his date with Lara by climbing out of the toilet window)
Lara: Do you need a hand?
JJ: No, I'm fine. I... Hi... what are you doing here?
Lara: This is the ladies.
JJ: Yes. Obviously. I just came to... buy Tampons... for you. As a gift.
Cook: Where the fucking hell have you been!?
JJ: Sorry? Time flies when you're having fun.
Cook: Jay, you've not been home for two days man. I've been drinkin' piss!
JJ: Who's... piss?
Dr. Felly: Now, these are lovely little pills. Calm you down, stop the urges...
JJ: Shove it up your cock!
Celia: So Lara, does little Albert have a father?
Lara: Yes he does Celica. They usually do.
Celia: (having tea with JJ and Lara) No more questions. Let's have a cup of tea and nice slut. Chat. A nice chat. Oh my god.
Effy, Pandora and Katie do not appear in this episode.
Music In This Episode:
Harlem Shakes - Technicolor Health
Segal and Kaluuya - Vicks
Segal and Kaluuya - My Hooker
Segal and Kaluuya - White Ladies
George Formby - My Ukulele
Caribou - Thistles and Felt
George Formby - Swimmin' with the Wimmin
Fonda 500 - Beta Max
Wave Machines - I go, I go, I go
Port O'Brien - Tree Bones
Dial F for Frankenstein - Wes Vega
Micachu - Lips
Le Loup - Breathing Rapture
George Formby - With my Little Stick of Blackpool Rock
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror
Le Volume Courbe - Freight Train
Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain - True
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - Star Trek theme
Spandau ballet - Gold
JJ's mum drives a Citroen 2CV.
JJ records his 'Captain's logs' in the style of Jean-Luc Picard (played by Patrick Stewart) from Star Trek: The Next Generation. He even answers knocks on his door with the word "Come", as Picard did.