A Sleepy Hollow Community
Friday 9:00 PM on FOX

Can we be real for a second? I promise it'll just be a second. Sleepy Hollow is WHACK. It's got so much going on that it really shouldn't work, and I need notebooks and charts to keep all the complex mythology straight, but I wouldn't want it to be any other way. Sleepy Hollow is the Crazy Little Series That Could, and it provides me with so much happiness and laughter on a weekly basis that these past few weeks without new episodes have left me feeling distraught. SO distraught, in fact, that my Google search history may or may not include "how to make a golem" and "is Tom Mison single?" 

Thus, to help chase away the dreariness of a Sleepy Hollow-less existence—since the show still doesn't return until next week—I've painstakingly rounded up some of the scariest enemies Ichabod Crane and Abbie Mills have faced together since the series premiered. But if you think you're going to find the Sandman creature from "For the Triumph of Evil" or the scarecrow monster from "Sanctuary" in the list below, think again, because those don't even come close to the terrifying foes listed here.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the top 10 things that are scarier than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, headless or otherwise... at least when you're a time-traveler from the 1700s.


10. Inaccurate American history


As a displaced history professor in the year 2013 (and now 2014), Ichabod was naturally very surly when he discovered that Americans have gotten lots of their own history wrong, from butchering Paul Revere's "The Regulars are coming!" to the meal that was served at the first Thanksgiving (no pie, and venison not turkey). I'd pay a great sum of money to watch Ichabod terrorize poor tour guides in museums across the country.


9. Showers


Mornings are hard for everyone, but they're especially rough on 200-year-old time travelers.


8. Voicemail


It's all fun and games until Ichabod gets really drunk and starts leaving horribly embarrassing messages for Abbie. But hey, at least they'd probably be charming.


7. Having to pay for water


"Were you charged a fee for that water? My God, it should be an inalienable right!" You're so right, Ichabod. Preach.


6. Plagiarism


Ichabod's poor heart was broken when he realized his idol, Thomas Jefferson, stole one of his quotes and passed it off as his own. I wonder where he stands on Shia LaBeouf.


5. Computers and the internet


"Leftenant! I've done something catastrophic!" The ongoing battle between Ichabod and technology is a dangerously beautiful thing.

Though to be fair, I too have printed several copies of something in fear that it will disappear. But I'm told by medical professionals this has something to do with anxiety and not simply misunderstanding technology or how computers work. And who hasn't suffered an embarrassing moment in which a sexy pop-up ad asks you to pony up some cash for a webcam show while you're basically at work? (J/K that has never once happened to anyone I know.)


4. Funhouse mirrors


What is this hellish torment indeed! Carnivals are creepy in their own right, but funhouses and the mirrors that call them home, are second only to clowns on the creep-o-matic scale. If you ask me, Ichabod's reaction to the mirror in "The Golem" was perfectly reasonable, if a little understated.


3. Abbie's car


Ichabod's voiceover that turned out to be a real phone call with Yolanda, the NorthStar Assistance woman, is probably one of Ichabod's finest moments to date. Thank goodness for Yolanda, otherwise Ichabod might have been trapped in Abbie's car without entertainment for hours.


2. Plastic


Don't feel bad, Ichabod—plastic has made all of us her bitch at one time or another. It's just something we've come to accept and live with, kind of like the Kardashians.


1. The donut tax


I think Ichabod spoke for all of us when he lamented how high sales tax can be, especially with regard to our favorite yummy treats, in Sleepy Hollow's second episode. And again when he declared that the public needed to flock to the streets in outrage. I don't know how much street-flocking I'm up for, because that sounds like a lot of effort, but if he wants to start a Change.org petition to lower the tax on pastry, I'll sign it.


What would make your list? And remember! Sleepy Hollow returns next Monday, January 13!


51 Comments
Comments (51)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
One episode late, but I think we can all appreciate that skinny jeans on men are scary regardless of what century you're from
1
Reply
Flag
I personally love it whenever Ichabod takes issue with how the English language has changed. The conversation between Abbie and Ichabod about awful intercourse was hilarious.

Abbie: So you're telling me that if I went on a date and said that we had awful intercourse, we'd be going on another date?
Ichabod: Well, yes.
Reply
Flag
Great list, Kaitlin, thanks!
Hopefully, TPTB at Fox will grace SH fans a few handsful of crumbs between seasons. Otherwise, I'll be acquiring my SH fix from re-runs (sigh...) if only to listen to Ichabod's prose. Speaking of prose: Boost Mobile - and the massive grammatical destruction deposited in the wake of their "Where you at?" campaign - can suck it.
BTW... "is Tom Mison single?"
Reply
Flag
I agree with many of the things on the list, but I have some exceptions.

Many of the things on the list are based on advanced technology so he should be relatively perplexed by their assumed functionality. However, having been educated at Oxford, he should have at least a broad understanding of the ways in which ancient civilizations manipulated water sources in order to meet their health and sanitation needs. Indoor plumbing isn't much different than Roman aqueducts combined with a hidden well system. To say he would have trouble adjusting to such a phenomenon stretchs the imagination.

Plagarism actually doesn't belong on the list either, since it actually coincides with his innacurate version of history peeve. The fact that it's a history he didn't forsee makes it personal but not actually distinct.

Paying for water...that actually isn't what he should be upset about. The destruction of natural environments to the point where water needs to be sold, much less purified and made healthy, that would be a topic much closer to his heart. Looking at an ocean filled with debris, seeing massive landfills filled with the remains of a consumptive society on steroids, that would bring on an outrage much greater and visceral to his awareness.

Funhouse mirrors also shouldn't be on the list, for the most part. The only exception could be that because Moloch and his minions use them as gateways, one could craft the mythology to make funhouse mirrors have supernatural properties that twists entities that pass through them. Thus, fighting a demon in a carnival, for example, could have greater tension because the twisted mirrors could be used as portals, thus requiring extra vigilance when fighting among them.

As for the donut tax, I have to shoot that down as well. Let's not forget that Ichabod's understanding of taxation is starkly different than ours. Taxation then was a method of subjugation by a colonial power over its subjects without equal political access. Furthermore, we've fought three major wars and a number of extended conflicts since that time, all of which require revenue to help pay for. In addition, the role of government has expanded greatly as the society has changed. Ichabod never lived to see the Articles of Confederation or the drafting of the Constitution, major pieces of legislation that differ strongly in spirit from each other and also from the simple Declaration of Independence that he was aware of. It is not the % that he would be upset about so much as its usage. Medicare, Social Security, Food Stamps, paved roads, electric streetlights, all government controlled benefits that cost money (and much cheaper than private, free market providers would charge *cough* health care *cough* ) services his century did not have. A state run hospital of this day and age might fill him with moral outrage at its condition but its still dispensing better medical treatment than the average wealthy person received during his time.
More+
Reply
Flag
Ichabod speaking via the computer camera, to Thomas in "John Doe," was cute, especially with Abby's subtle assistance.
Reply
Flag
May favorite was when he shot the gun once and threw it away. Abby asked where it was, he was amazed that it fired more than once!
2
Reply
Flag
Staff
That was originally on the list, but I decided to swap it out at the last minute!
1
Reply
Flag
Funhouse mirrors and houses of mirrors have been around since Louis the XIV, and one was built in New Amsterdam in 1651. It's not clear if they were distorting mirrors, but since that technique goes back to the ancient Egyptians...
Reply
Flag
Love it. I just love it. Monday is not coming fast enough.
2
Reply
Flag
Well, you'll have to wait till the show introduces Ichabod to facebook or instagram. Wonder how he'll whine about that.. :)
Reply
Flag
McDonald's. I mean, do we really believe that those nuggets are actually made of chicken breast??
3
Reply
Flag
Love Ichabod and all his moments when he gets baffled/enraged/amazed/etc by something
4
Reply
Flag
(Re: 10) Americans are terrible when it comes to knowing their own history. Schoolhouse Rocks did a good job for most subjects but made many errors when it came to the History Rocks episodes.

3
Reply
Flag
"Leftenant! I've done something catastrophic!" Makes me laugh ever time.

Was this how the sentence originally looked? (J/K that has never once happened to anyone I know... Tim.)
2
Reply
Flag
I want webisodes of Crane running around to various museums correcting people and getting frustrated with them. It is too funny to not do that. If they are going to stick with the 13 episode season we cool things in between.

Hopefully The Following will crash and burn this season in ratings and they will extend Sleepy Hollow to a full 23 ep season.
10
Reply
Flag
As much as i selfishly would want 22 episodes, I don't think it's a good idea for this show. The wacked mythology would get too convoluted if they had to fill 22 hours per season. Now, if they wrote entire hour-long episodes of Crane encountering the world with no demons or Moloch to fill out the 22 eps, that would be awesome ("Crane goes to Costco." "Crane learns to drive." "Crane tries to get a Social Security Card."). But it couldn't handle 22 hours of mythology.
10
Reply
Flag
Agreed. Too much of a good thing would be bad, & 22 episodes would be horrible.
16 eps is the magic limit in my mind. personally, I'd love to see regular 12 episode seasons with two major 90-minute "TV movie" events spaced out during the off seasons to technically meet that limit.
Speaking as a sleepyhead fanboy, I honestly think something like that would be really cool on multiple levels.
2
Reply
Flag
I am not sure about that. I hear what you are saying and I understand it. But I would trust the runners of this show providing 22 hours of quality over what is happen on SHIELD, The following, etc.
1
Reply
Flag
Just come to Oregon--land of no sales tax!
2
Reply
Flag
Or Montana!

Actually, he might do better here. Public access lands, no hipsters.
Reply
Flag
Haha, yeah probably. Although I have seen people dress just like him in Portland.
1
Reply
Flag
You rock, Kaitllin.
8
Reply
Flag
Staff
Hey, thanks!
2
Reply
Flag
And since you are in the "family" - if you need someone to cover Almost Human - I have offered. Unacceptable there was no "Let's talk about it" or review as of yet. Lots of passionate fans out here - and that may have been the best ep of the season last night.
2
Reply
Flag
All these moments were delightful, but I still think the chat with Yolanda in the car was the absolute best in my book. The idea of customer service, even bad customer service by today's standards would seem an absolute blessing to people even 100 years ago. Don't kid yourselves, the customer was never right, the customer just got convinced that what they wanted was the same thing the company was willing to give them.
5
Reply
Flag
This is one of the things I love best about the show. The wit, the wit!!
10
Reply
Flag
So true!!
Reply
Flag
The adult in me wishes to ackowledge this is most accurate list before the girl in me starts yelling: More shower scenes!!!
12
Reply
Flag
number 11
Mc Donalds
This doesn't resemble any Scottish food I ever eaten. These are from the Austrian Netherlands for one thing.. Dreadfully prepared.
14
Reply
Flag
Just to defend our(Dutch)selves: The Austrian Netherlands was a broken territory that consisted of what is now western Belgium as well as greater Luxembourg. the Netherlands of these days have nothing to do with this food.
1
Reply
Flag
That awful Scot calls them French to confuse matters more.
1
Reply
Flag
you're crazy... but love it... but you got to prepare yourself, because after what is it, 3 more weeks i think, the show will be off until sept or something, and that will make this wait seem manageable... lol
1
Reply
Flag
Staff
Ugh. Don't remind me.
1
Reply
Flag
Paying for water and taxing baked goods? OUTRAGEOUS, even from this non-time-traveler.
7
Reply
Flag
I say that you pretty much nailed it! It was all those little moments.
1
Reply
Flag
Looove it!

And yes, this winter hiatus has gone on far too long without any new Ichabod-ism. The least they could have done was released a web series of Ichabod discovering new, terrifying things about this future!
14
Reply
Flag
At last someone who thinks like me. Just short webisodes of Crane discovering the 21st century would be great. I think they did this with Doctor Who and it will certainly keep the fan interest going for the 9 months off air.
Reply
Flag
Follow this Show
Members
13,049