Smallville Season 5 Episode 6

Lois: (to Mr. Lyon) I don't know what kind of kink you're into, but... you are seriously behind on your Gloria Steinem.

Jonathan: Going back to the city, facing all those reporters takes a lot of guts.
Jack: After facing you, live feeds and bloodthirsty journalists are a walk in the park.

Detective Sawyer: (to Lois and Clark) Some people live above the rules. Guess what? That's life in Metropolis. You want justice... I suggest you stay a little closer to home.

Lois: This scumbag was about to air-cargo me to the honeymoon suite at the "Gropa" Cabana.
Detective Sawyer: I'm glad you're all right. Now, if you will release him, I'm afraid Mr. Lyon is free to go.
Clark: What? You can't just let him walk away.
Lyon: Diplomatic immunity.
Detective Sawyer: As a consulate guest in our country, Mr. Lyon can't be arrested or tried for any crime he commits on our soil. Even murder. I'm sorry, I can't touch him.
Lois: Well, I can. (knees Lyon in the groin)

Chloe: Five hundred grand for a massage with benefits seems like a lot. Do you know anything else?
Clark: Just the bouncer told Detective Sawyer that the guy was the son of some foreign diplomat.
Chloe: Then he'd have diplomatic plates. See, while you were inside checking out the entertainment, I was out in the parking lot taking shots of the license plates of all the cars.

Dominatrix Stripper: (to Chloe) You know why they invented fairy tales? Because no one wants to face reality. All we know is that the girls disappear and then no one ever sees them again. Somebody should've warned your friend about that.

Announcer: (after Lois's performance) I'd salute to that any time.

Lois: (about to go onstage) Uh, on second thought...
Chloe: No, no, no, no, no. Thinking bad, dancing good. Just ask Mr. Shoot-first-think-later over there.

Chloe: I guess even Map Quest has its limitations. Do you get to this place through a manhole cover?
Lois: (spotting the bouncer to the Windgate Club) Or a big neon door. I'd say the Armani suit's a dead giveaway.

Clark: I can't believe you'd destroy someone just to win a race.
Lex: There's a reason they call it a "race," not a "political potluck."

Lois: We couldn't have met her at a coffee shop?
Chloe: I don't think she was looking for a brunch date, Lois. Sounds like she had a story someone didn't want her to tell.
Lois: I thought you were supposed to pass on any real leads to someone whose cubicle was actually above ground.
Chloe: Well, unless I want to stay subterranean my whole career I've gotta take a chance.

Chloe: (while Lois plays a video game on a Daily Planet computer) Lois, I'm sorry you were in for a girls' night out and I got called in to screen news that's not fit to print.
Lois: Compared to the Kent Farm, this is a rager. Besides, I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to watch a big-shot reporter in action.
Chloe: All right, now that I'm swimming in butter, why are you really here obliterating aliens with me at 1 AM?

Detective Sawyer: This is a big city, and bad things happen. A pretty young girl, not in college, with no traceable job… in that part of town. It's not a mystery what happened down there.
Lois: You don't think it's strange that an alleged streetwalker was wearing $500 Jimmy Choo shoes?

Detective Sawyer: Let me get this straight, no ID or make on the vehicle, no ID on the driver, and no clue why this girl called. I'd say you're off to a great start as an investigative reporter Miss Sullivan. If you remember anything else, let me know.
Lois: I think that's code for, "We're gonna file this under the rug."

Jonathan: You are Clark's hero.
Jack: So I'm not supposed to have any faults, huh? Who can live up to that? You know why there's no heroes today? It's because at the end of the day, people don't respect them -- they envy them. And they're just waiting for them to screw up.

Maggie: Okay, so let me see if I'm understanding you. Your cousin, who I'm assuming is underage, was stripping and making deals with wealthy patrons, managed to escape a police raid...
Clark: (interrupting) It's not like that.
Chloe: Yeah, she was just helping me to investigate.
Maggie: Investigate? Okay, Luthor may have pulled a get-out-of-jail-free card for you this time, but it will not happen again. If you want to play Nancy Drew and Hardy Boy, do it in someone else's precinct.

Jonathan: You know, I've never liked you all that much, Lex, but even I'm surprised by the depths you're willing to sink to.
Lex: And I'm sure you have such a good view of it all from your pulpit. Holier-than-thou is an easy fallback, Mr. Kent. It keeps you from really looking at the people around you.
Jonathan: I've known Jack for over twenty five years. I've never had a more trustworthy or loyal friend. This state needs somebody like him, somebody who's willing to stand by their word, somebody who's willing to do what's right for everybody, not just for himself... Somebody who's willing to go up against people like you.

(Clark helps Lois move into the apartment above the Talon)
Clark: You know, this is weird. I spent so much time up here with Lana.
Lois: Clark, it's not like I'm taking her place, just her subletting.

Lois: Hey, Smallville. Your personal space is about to be reinstated.
Clark: What are you doing? You just moved back in.
Lois: Well, now that Lana's living with Chloe, I'm taking the place. You don't have a key to the apartment, do you? You know, now that you two have been doing it?
Clark: No, we, uh...
Lois: Good, because I wouldn't want any surprise midnight visits.

Jack: Well, what do you want me to say? That my marriage is more of a business arrangement, and the only person who makes me happy is some dancer half my age? How much of that would you have really understood?
Jonathan: I might not understand any of it, Jack. But, come on, all of our lives have taken turns that we didn't expect.
Jack: You've never had a lie get out of hand. Or you've never been caught at it.

Jack: You just could not resist, could you?
Jonathan: You still have a nasty habit of leaving your keys in the ignition. Get in.
Jack: With you at the wheel? I guess it wouldn't be the first time I put my life in your hands.
(Jack slides in through the passenger-side window, earning a look from Jonathan)
Jack: What? Damn thing's been stuck ever since I bought it.

(Chloe tries on a stripper's angel wings)
Chloe: Wow, these are, um -- they're heavier than they look.
Stripper: They're way better than the heels. Trust me.

(Lois and Clark run into each other while undercover)
Lois: What are you doing here?
Clark: What are you doing here?
Lois: It's Chloe's fault. We're following a murder story.
Clark: Yeah, well, that makes two of us, but I think I'll stick to my method.

(after Lois finally gets her costume on)
Lois: Well? What do you think?
Chloe: All I can say is...God bless America.

Chloe: Lois, are you almost done? You didn't have that much to put on.
Lois: You know, remind me when all this is over to never ever ask a favor of you again.
Chloe: This isn't about me. This about getting to the truth.
Lois: Yeah, well, the last girl that knew the truth ended up as a hood ornament on someone's car.

Jack: (to Clark) So your dad outran four cop cars and pissed off half the chicken farmers in Chickasaw County.
Jonathan: It's only because you said that you knew a shortcut.
Clark: See, these aren't the sides of the story that I hear. You got any more of these? They'll come in very useful next time I'm in for a lecture.

Jack: (to Clark) I don't suppose anybody pushed you to follow in his footsteps.
Jonathan: Hey, now. That's a lot better than spending the football games underneath the bleachers with the sheriff's daughters.
Jack: Not both of them at once.

Clark: Senator Jennings!
Jack: I know it's been a long time, but what happened to "Uncle Jack"?
Clark: Doesn't seem fit for someone who's on a first-name basis with the governor.
Jack: I don't seem to remember the governor winning a state football championship.

Jonathan: How much longer do I have you before you hightail it back to Metropolis?
Clark: Well, Lana's gone for the weekend. I lost out to a comet her class is tracking at the Lincoln Observatory.
Jonathan: What about Chloe or Lois?
Clark: Well, Chloe's juggling classes and the Daily Planet. And Lois, heh, I'd do anything to get rid of Lois. I don't think that's exactly prereq for best-friend status.

Lois: Hey, 007. Nice of you to show up.
Clark: I'm starting to assume that means thank you.

Clark: Is there anything I can do to make this move go faster? Maybe pack your three closets of clothing? Burn your loofah sponge? Take your Whitesnake collection to Goodwill?
Lois: You can take this! C'mon, Smallville. Move it.

Sen. Jennings: Your father's always had some pretty high expectations of the people around him. He's the one man I never wanted to disappoint.
Clark: You should try being his son. (laughs) The thing I always try to remember, no matter how much he lays on, he never expects more than he expects of himself.

Chloe: How are you ever going to live without Clark?
Lois: One word – blissfully.

Clark: How long you've been planning to run for state senate?
Lex: Several months now, and if you're implying I should have told you, you might want to think the barrier you've drawn in this friendship.

Waitress: Hey handsome, what can I get for you?
Clark: I'll have a Coke. (waitress stares) Straight up, on the rocks.

Lex: (to Clark) You know, when I asked you to stay out of trouble, I kinda thought that might include being caught underage at a strip club, using my membership while I'm gearing up for a political campaign.

Lex: We all need to believe in heroes, Clark, and even the best ones are far from perfect.

Lois: Clark? Look, I am not great at this, so just keep your mouth shut and listen up. Even though I was kicking butt on the helicopter, it was really nice to have backup. And you didn't have to come after me, but you always do. So I wanted to say thank you. You're a really good friend. Oh, and, uh, about the lap dance... if you decide to tell anybody about it, your Elmer Fudd night-light will make a very public appearance.

Chloe: I just got my first Daily Planet by-line! (Clark looks at the front page) It's not the Torch, Clark. Page 73. At the bottom.