A Smallville coed gets a full makeover after suffering years of unkind treatment by her classmates, but contact with her causes dangerous illusions. Clark tries out for football. Lois tries investigative reporting. Lana tries tattoo removal.moreless
6.5
"Fair"
After last week's disappointing episode, we have to hope for some improvement. Chloe is back from the dead, Lana is back from Paris and so is her new squeeze Jason, Clark has thwarted Lionel's murder attempt, and Lionel's in a big cellblock. Do we follow up on these storylines? Nah.
In a freshman year flashback, the stereotyped bullies on the SHS football team ridicule a homely freshman girl named Abby who's stuck with playing the school mascot, but Clark stands around passively and lets her take it. Some hero. Three years later, her plastic-surgeon mother, Dr. Elaine Fine, has her strapped down for makeover surgery. In a full-body machine of needles and other probes, she's going to become outrageously beautiful, we suppose, the key to all success in life.
Lois shows up at the farm as Clark is indulging his football fantasies; she's driving a nice red Mustang convertible, vintage 1972 or so. "An arm like that is a get-out-of-geek pass," she quips, giving us some hope for a good script. Tough-guy General Lane drops by too, again misusing a military Hummer and driver for personal business. Bad news, he says, she won't get into Met. U, not enough credits, so she's going back to SHS. Oh swell, she and Clark will be able to ride the bus together.
She need five credits; Chloe offers some reporting opportunities for the Torch, but Lois says, "The last thing I want to be is a reporter." Sounds like a setup for a change of heart real soon. Abby has had her makeover, drawing stares and dropped jaws in the hallways, including Clark's. I guess now he'd come to her rescue if needed. Apparently she had a personality transplant, too. High school, Lois says, is all a "Facade," and the social commentary dialog between her and Chloe comes so fast you have to replay the scene several times to catch all of it.
Jason is on the coaching staff now, but it would look bad to have a staffer romancing a student, so he and Lana have to meet furtively in various school rooms, but that doesn't stop Clark. He has that oft-used Smallville line, "Lana, what are you doing here?" as he meets "Coach" Teague for the first time. We learn that Jason played football at Met. U. before he went to Paris and met Lana, now he's in Central Kansas A&M. Clark has decided to try out for football again.
Another minor development has Martha lined up to manage the Talon for Lex; Jonathan and his god-awful pride stand in the way, but the farm finances are in a crisis, and he relents. Jason has some pretty good mature advice for Clark and his football ambition, and Clark slips right into form as a quarterback, and Abby enjoys her new-found desirability.
Football bully Brett apologizes to Abby for his abuse and tries some moves on her; she's weak and seems to think the fruits of beauty and popularity are nothing more than a quickie with a BMOC. But in the boy's locker room? When she kisses Brett, he suddenly sees himself in the mirror as an abhorrent monster. But we don't see him that way, so it's some sort of illusion caused by his contact with Abby. He runs outside, only to be run over by hapless Lois, who will suffer no penalty for this collision. Her curiosity takes over - she decides to investigate how Brett came to be running out there, and barges into the locker room to interview the athletes about Brett. Clark finds Abby's necklace, evidence that she was in the locker area with someone.
At the Talon, Lana is found by Lex to be studying up on ancient languages - one book includes the symbol that appeared on her back in Paris. She goes to Dr. Fine about removing it, but learns it's not ink, it's under her skin, and removal would require a skin graft. Abby returns, but her mother admits she had the surgical procedure before it was under control, and the treatment must continue or Abby will revert to her former looks. Mom has a plan, but Lana knew Brett was with Abby, so she's a threat to Dr. Fine.
Jason has a surprise for Lana for her birthday, but while she waits alone and blindfolded, Abby enters and kisses Lana to pass on the "ugly" illusion, and Lana sees her own face becoming distorted and diseased. Hysterical, she's injured by a falling mirror, and she's back in the hospital again. Jason's visit there is interrupted by Lex - who knows Jason father's firm. These factoids must mean something for the future - there is no wasted dialog in Smallville. Clark and Chloe are in the hospital, too, and Chloe has amazing insight into the Ugly Abby problem. The instant makover technique sends the patient's seratonin levels into overdrive. Dr. Fine has something called seryethro medication to stop the reaction. Lois looks into Dr. Fine's Beechwood Medical Center, so our potential investigative journalist is already showing her skills, and makes an appointment for herself. Dr. Fine schedules Lois for the machine, but discovers Lois is taping their conversation for an expose. Naive Lois is stopped in her tracks by a quick syringe, and is soon strapped down for a reverse transformation treatment. Clark bursts in, but green gas is inconveniently there, and he's disabled, so Lois has to finish saving herself and Clark by administering some quick kicks to Dr. Fine.
Lana admits to Jason that she wore a "facade" herself in her early years on the cheerleading squad, and wonders about Jason's real affection for her. Jason is understanding and builds her confidence - he loves her for herself, not just her beauty, and their dialog is mature and witty. Some really good screenwriting is going on for these two. Clark is driving the red Dodge pickup to and from school, but apparently not carpooling with Lois. He arrives home to tell Jonathan he is staying on the team. And it's a nice reconciliation scene as Clark goes deep for a pass from Jonathan, who finally admits that Clark is going to be making more decisions for himself.
To wrap up all the loose ends, the writers give Chloe the task of reciting a few lines about the disposition of Dr. Fine, who has been sent to a mental institution, and Abby will be back soon. Trivial antagonist, trivial resolution. And that's the main problem with this episode - only Ms. Kreuk and Mr. Ackles have any compelling dialog and an opportunity to have some fun with their characters. The rest is cartoonish and forgettable. Strange to think that - given good photography, a brash Lois to enjoy, and some good snappy lines from Ms. Mack. Those all add up to an average episode, but just barely. Re-run rating C.moreless