Thirst

Season 5, Episode 5, Aired
EDIT

Episode Summary

Lana joins a sorority to get housing for her last-minute college registration, but the sisters have a deadly agenda which involves turning Lana into a vampire like themselves and sending her against Clark. Meanwhile, Chloe applies to become an intern at the Daily Planet and runs up against the editor-in-chief, Pauline Kahn.moreless
8.1
out of 10
EPISODE RATING: Great
1,189 votes
  • Your Rating: 10
    "Perfect"
  • Your Rating: 9.5
    "Superb"
  • Your Rating: 9
    "Superb"
  • Your Rating: 8.5
    "Great"
  • Your Rating: 8
    "Great"
  • Your Rating: 7.5
    "Good"
  • Your Rating: 7
    "Good"
  • Your Rating: 6.5
    "Fair"
  • Your Rating: 6
    "Fair"
  • Your Rating: 5.5
    "Mediocre"
  • Your Rating: 5
    "Mediocre"
  • Your Rating: 4.5
    "Poor"
  • Your Rating: 4
    "Poor"
  • Your Rating: 3.5
    "Bad"
  • Your Rating: 3
    "Bad"
  • Your Rating: 2.5
    "Terrible"
  • Your Rating: 2
    "Terrible"
  • Your Rating: 1.5
    "Abysmal"
  • Your Rating: 1
    "Abysmal"
Rate It

Watch Online

Amazon
Buy
iTunes
Buy
VUDU
Buy/Rent

Cast & Crew

See All EDIT

Fan Episode Reviews (92)

See All

  • It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a farce! Sorority stereotypes are tiresome. Vampire stories are tiresome. "Thirst" is fun for some, a disappointment for others. The ratings span the full scale - is it a "1" or a "10?"moreless

    6.5
    "Fair"
    By cxtasy, Apr 22, 2011 Report Abuse
    Carrie Fisher guest stars in "Thirst," offering hope of a nice cameo and some notable acting. Alas, it is not to be. She has to play a caustic nightmare of an editor of the DP, Pauline Kahn. All she does is ridicule Chloe who's applying for an internship, and Fisher has to fling out a couple vulgarities to show what a tough old gal she is. Finally abusing Chloe enough, she offers hope if Chloe will bring her a story. In an unusual twist, Chloe narrates the episode as she writes her story.

    A plot summary mentioning vampires lowers expectations right off, and it's even worse since the setting is a college. Sorority girls are depicted as promiscuous hedonists, ready to bed complete strangers at a moment's notice. But when they sink their canines into the hapless pizza delivery guy, who's a sap for anyone wearing a bikini, we get the vampire theme. Already, this is beyond "over-the-top."

    At the Talon, Clark finds Lana packing for college, accepted at Met. U., to his surprise. She's going to try a sorority for housing due to her late registration. Clark weakly suggests Central Kansas A&M, but she intends to study astronomy. Nothing will change in their relationship, she assures him.

    Professor Fine lectures Clark's class on the decline of the Roman empire, when, speak of the devil, Lex drops in at that moment. Why? Fine publicly criticizes him as an "unstable megalomaniac," which is practically slander, but the University apparently has no policy on that and won't do anything. Lex accuses Fine of revealing non-public classified information about Luthorcorp projects. Lex plays the college funding card; Fine is not intimidated.

    We have to endure another petulant-snob glamour-girl sorority airhead scene, but that's the way the producers want you to react. Lana is ready to join up, but the initiation involves turning her into a vampire. No wonder they overact. They all have such nice white vampire fangs, too, they must have really great vampire dentists.

    Fine comes to the mansion bringing documents of his personal history, including research funding that Lex has been illicitly funneling. Never start a game you can't win, he tells Lex. Maybe Lex has met his match in the game of blackmail.

    As Lana recovers from the sorority bite-fest, Clark drops in, but Lana remembers nothing of the previous night. Despite the dumb plot, Ms. Kreuk still gives it her best, and that's pretty good. She's now uninhibited, but thinks Clark's needy and insecure, terms we don't usually associate with the Man of Steel.

    Fine gets into Lex's warehouse where the spaceship is hidden, but is found by the Luthorcorp security guy; Fine kills him on the spot by morphing a sword arm. This seems senseless since Fine does nothing we might expect, such as entering the spaceship for a recharge, or whatever androids do for fun.

    The bloodsucking sorority sisters smack Lana around, and the stunt double has to take a big fall. Is Lana paralyzed? No, she recovers from major body distortion quickly. Well, gee, she's immortal, and now sports the requisite canines.

    Chloe calls Clark about Lana's bizarre behavior, but she's found that the new sorority president, Buffy, has a telling history. A costume party is coming up, so Chloe and Clark decide to crash it to learn more about the group, even though Clark quips, "I hate costumes." He goes as Zorro. Chloe spots vampire Lana before Clark does, but she gets little cooperation from her.

    Chloe is going to do a story on this? Clark finds Lana in mid-chomp on Chloe's neck. Lana disappears into the night, while Chloe winds up in the hospital, recovering from a rabies-like virus. Clark oversees this, when Fine, too, appears at her room. Why and how is he there? Bitten by what, everyone wonders, but Chloe's seriously ill, and Fine tells Clark to look into 1138, a Luthorcorp project. One scene, Fine is a murdering alien, next scene he's saving Clark's friends.

    When Clark asks Lex about 1138 (I missed the THX 1138 allusion here) and the disease threat to Chloe and Lana, Lex relents, and recites a number of lines which explains the whole vampire thing. Sorority girl Sanders was trapped outside caves where stalactites were affected by meteor rocks, which in turn affected the vampire bats in the caves, which in turn infected Sanders. This is one of the most far-fetched explanations of a meteor phenomenon in the entire series. Of course, Lex was involved, and has a handy serum for the disease in his handy case, which also has some meteor rock to threaten Clark, but he manages to grab one of the syringes before falling to the floor.

    In another overblown scene, Lana crashes down through the ceiling glass and flies down - Clark is too weak to resist her. Apparently in this state his flesh is vulnerable, so Lana sucks some of his blood, and now she, too, exhibits heat vision. She somehow brings him back to the sorority, where she wants to convert him into a fellow vampire, but, darn, no boys allowed, Sanders says. In a brief fight, Lana simply destroys her with a heat vision blast. With his last effort, Clark manages to inject her with the serum.

    Lana is now a murderer, but she wasn't herself, and there's no corpse, so you can get away with that on Smallville. "What do you remember?" Clark asks her, the usual question to someone who may have discovered too much about his secrets. She replies, "Love and overwhelming strength." So she is even more bonded to him than ever, but conveniently remembers little.

    All is back to normal, as Clark expresses his gratitude to Lex. Of course, Lex wants to know how Clark learned about Project 1138, correctly guessing that it was Professor Fine. Lex tells Clark that Fine is not the friend Clark thinks he is. And this statement is as compelling as the dialog gets in this episode, which is to say, not at all.

    Chloe brings her vampire tale to Pauline Kahn, who says the article would be fine, if the DP "printed tabloid nonsense," which, coincidentally, is an apt description of this episode! At least Chloe maintains her dignity in all of this by explaining that she wasn't writing about "real" vampires, but about students infected by a dangerous virus in a Luthorcorp experiment gone bad. That could have been an interesting story - too bad the producers and writers made it a farce instead, and it infected the rest of the cast, too. I want my fantasies to be more realistic, so I just wasn't willing to give up hoping for serious drama and go along for the ride on a bit of silly fluff.

    So Chloe gets the job. At the bottom, but that's ok with Chloe, excited to be in the SP basement. Strange episode, strange narration, unconventional ending. Is there anything vital in this episode making it worth seeing? Any shred of a continuing, compelling story that can't be missed? Not really, but I backed off ridiculing "Thirst" after reading some of the reviews, especially by "Daronil," who pointed out it IS a farce for Halloween, and a paen to BTVS. Chloe did have several clever quips, and that was good writing, and she's now starting with the Daily Planet. But that would be obvious from watching future episodes, so "Thirst" really didn't make the grade with most viewers. Re-run rating C-.moreless

    DO YOU AGREE?

    4 0

  • worse of the Smallville episodes yet. Vampire plot in a half-ass sorority house

    2.5
    "Terrible"
    By mposterfv, Aug 07, 2009 Report Abuse
    This was the worse Smallville episode ever! The only thing that keeps this together is Chloe's narration of the events and the addition of the professor vs Lex. The producers were obviously on vacation this week. Allison Mack is the only one that holds this episode together but the story line about vampires needed to go. They were most likely forced to get a Halloween theme going for the studio on this stinker. Lana as a vampire was a ridiculous twist. I thought being a witch in the earlier episodes was a stretch but number 93 needs to be skipped altogether.moreless

    DO YOU AGREE?

    1 0

  • Lana the Vampira

    8.0
    "Great"
    By sh811a, Dec 04, 2008 Report Abuse
    This episode I'll admit isn't the best but it's not the worst as people keep making it out to be, trust me I have seen worse. Yeah, it's a filler episode but an entertaining one, it sort of plays out and felt a little like a drive in grindhouse B-movie.

    It's true it's a flawed episode, my main problem was with the main villians they were kinda lame, in fact more annoying than menicing and funny; the soroity girl stereotype and vampirism just don't really mix well, I guess they were trying to make it humourous in that area but it just fell flat, just hearing them talk made me cringe more than laugh honestly who talks like that.

    But what saves this episode in fact makes it even enjoyable is Lana herself. Kristin is just good at playing a contrary version of her persona, I'll admit she's great in the Vampira role. I actaully liked her as a vampire, may'be it's that anarchic, seductive and slightly menicing persona she has once given the vampire juce. Those catlike movements she does and that black leather outfit she's in all the same she was cool.

    I like how even though those powers tapped inot a darker side of her, she was still slightly herself some of that good persona is still in her. From the fact that she was protecting Clark from the other Vampire girls, she didn't think of him as another piece of meat but as a person she loves. And just certain things she says to Clark in her vampire state contain her humanity. Two of the highlights of the episode for me were seeing Lana sink her fangs into Clark and then inherit part of his powers, that was awdsome. And of course the attempted conversion which was both suspensful but also strangely and darkly romantic. The fire in the background in both scenes created that sense of heated desire for both Clark and Lana.

    Overall this episode is alright the whole thing could of been handled better but enjoyable just to see Lana as the Vampira role. I think of it as a guilty pleasure that is at least worth a try.moreless

    DO YOU AGREE?

    0 0

  • "Sucks" (Pun Intended!)

    2.5
    "Terrible"
    By lenzinoH20, Nov 28, 2008 Report Abuse
    Thrist-Lana joins a sorority to get housing for her last-minute college registration, but the sisters have a deadly agenda which involves turning Lana into a vampire like themselves and sending her against Clark. Meanwhile, Chloe applies to become an intern at the Daily Planet and runs up against the editor-in-chief, Pauline Kahn.

    So I'm guessing the writers didn't learn their lesson when they wrote this episode! I mean you would think that after the poor written/developed "witch" storyline of Season 4 that they would stop writing ubsurd storylines like this! Nope! "Thrist" is truly an awful episode and dare I say it might give "Spell" a run for it's money as the worst hour of Smallville! It's obvious the writers where trying to make a fun lighthearted Halloween episode and an obvious parody of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". I mean how else do you explain the character of Buffy Sanders, the vampire and James Masters' delievery of the line, "Clark, there;s no such thing as vampires." How hilarious...NOT!

    Kristin Kreuk's performance is cartoonish and laughable as vampire Lana. Guest star Brook Nevin makes you cringe as Buffy as well as the other sorority girls. I'm surprised the rest of the cast could keep a straight face and acted out this bad material, ehw! Also, what was up with Carrie Fisher guest starring in this episode. I actually feel bad that such a well known actress such as herself would star in this episode! Yet again, Professor Fine and Lex are the saving graces. Their developing rivalry is well played by both actors and you just can't wait to see what Fine has in store for Lex and vice versa. "Thrist" sees the writers having fun, TOO MUCH fun in fact as even the DVD commentary has them asking themselves "what the hell were we thinking?" I don't know guys, I really don't!moreless

    DO YOU AGREE?

    2 1

  • When Lana enrolls in Met U at the last minute, she's forced to join a sorority to find housing on campus. However, her new sisters turn her into a vampire, then instruct her to kill Clark. Meanwhile, Chloe gets a job at the Daily Planet.moreless

    10
    "Perfect"
    By scorpionqueen86, Apr 07, 2008 Report Abuse
    After gaining late acceptance into Met U, Lana's forced to join a sorority to find housing near campus. However, after joining the Tri Psis, the most elite sorority on campus, she realizes too late that her new sisters are vampires, who promptly turn her into one of them. Not knowing what's happened, Clark and Chloe grow concerned, and attend a costume party at the sorority house, where Chloe's attacked by Lana. At Professor Fine's urging, Clark confronts Lex about the mysterious Project 1138, only to discover that Lex has found a cure for Lana's "vampirism". Meanwhile, Chloe writes a story on Lana's experience that gets her a job at the Daily Planet, and Fine reveals his superhuman abilities when he kills one of Lex's security guards.

    My Review: For some reason, many SMALLVILLE fans consider this to be among the show's worst episodes, but personally, THIRST is one of my favorites. I mean, it's a Halloween episode complete with vampires and Clark in a sexy costume. What's not to like? ;D Plus, there's the completely random stunt casting of Princess-Leia-herself Carrie Fisher, and the use of a new and totally different storytelling technique (well, new to the SMALLVILLE writers). Speaking of which, I found Chloe's narration and occasional inserts to be a refreshing change of pace, and I'm glad that the main story tied into this overall picture, wherein Chloe gets a job at the Daily Planet, "the paper of record for...future superheroes". Now, THIRST may be filler, but it's a fun bit of fluff, and the actors certainly seemed like they enjoyed themselves. Most notably, Kristin Kreuk, who probably welcomed, or even relished, the change to Lana's personality. On a separate "note", I thought the choice in music for this episode was excellent, and very appropriate considering it was all about Halloween and vampires. "The Girl's Attractive" by Diamond Nights was perfect for the costume party, and I loved how Bauhaus's "Bela Lugosi's Dead" was subtly playing in the background during the Lana-tries-to-convert-Clark scene. All in all, ten fangs out of ten. Yeah, that's right, *fangs*. Anyone got a problem with that? If so, then...::hisses and bares fangs:: ;P

    Highlights: Chloe's interview with Pauline Kahn; Professor Fine's lecture; Lana's acceptance and initiation into the Tri Psis; Fine confronting Lex at the mansion; Chloe's argument with her roommate, and Lana becoming "aggressively sexy" towards Clark; Lana drinking with her new sisters (though I couldn't stand the girls' mocking screams after Lana fell); Chloe and Clark expressing their concern for Lana; the entire costume party scene (quick lesson for y'all: Clark plus Zorro costume equals yummy! ;D); Lana attacking Clark and sharing his powers; Lana using her newfound powers to kill Buffy, then trying to convert Clark; Clark and Lana's discussion of her experience; and Chloe getting a job at the Daily Planet.moreless

    DO YOU AGREE?

    2 2
 

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

See All

  • Trivia

    ADD TRIVIA
    • Although Clark is bitten by Lana the night before, neither Lana nor Lex seem to think it's strange that he has no bite marks on his neck the next day. Edit
    • When Lana & Clark are in Chloe's dorm, the morning after she was turned into a vampiress, Lana drinks something and her hair is kind of messed up. But, when she turns around her hair is combed and perfect. Edit
    • When Lana gets between Buffy and Clark, Buffy punches Lana with her left hand, hitting Lana on her right. Naturally after being hit, Lana's head is thrown to her left, but she falls to her right. Edit

  • Notes

    ADD NOTES
    • Injoke: Clark's comment about hating costumes refers to the fact that, in the future, Clark Kent dresses up in a costume (Superman) in order to hide his true identity. Edit
    • Deleted Scenes: 1. Lana and the other girls listening to Buffy's speech on the sorority. 2. Lex administers the cure to Chloe, after which she proceeds to tell Lex about Lana. Edit
    • In England, depending on the time of day this episode is broadcast, you either see Lana bite Clark's neck (at the later hour) or the scene is cut just as she is moving down to bite him. Edit

  • Quotes

    ADD QUOTES
    • Chloe: (while Ms. Kahn reads over Chloe's article) Is that a good "hmm" or a bad "hmm"? Kahn: Oh, it's a good "hmm". If we printed tabloid nonsense like the Inquisitor does, but we're the Daily Planet and tall tales about slaying Buffy the vampire don't make it into the pages of a real newspaper. Chloe: Ms. Kahn, I didn't make this up. They weren't vampires of the mythical sense, they were victims of an unusual disease. Look, here, it's all researched. Interviews, eyewitness accounts, the CDC report--everything. Kahn: Hmm. Chloe: Was that a good "hmm" or a bad... Kahn: (interrupting) Shut up. Here's the thing: your writing shows you aren't completely without talent. Chloe: Thank you. Kahn: But, you're not a real reporter either, yet. Everyone has to start somewhere. Welcome to the Daily Planet, kid. Edit
    • Clark: How much of what happened do you remember? Lana: Bits and pieces. Nothing coherent, thank God. But there was one thing that stuck with me, something I felt when I bit you. Clark: What was that? Lana: Warmth and love and an overwhelming feeling of strength. I think that for a moment, I felt what was inside your heart and I've never felt closer to someone in my entire life. Edit
    • Buffy: (after Lana brings back Clark) Nice work. He's quite a catch. One-hundred percent corn-fed Kansas beef. Let's eat. Lana: Wait. Isn't there something else we can do with him? Buffy: Like what? Barbeque? Lana: No, like convert him. Into one of us. (the Tri Psis laugh) Sorority Girl: We're a sorority, not a fraternity. Sorority Girl #2: No boys allowed. Edit

  • Allusions

    ADD ALLUSIONS
    • Kahn: And tall tales about slaying Buffy the Vampire... Along with the villainess' name of Buffy Sanders, this is an in-joke/homage to Buffy Summers, the title character from the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Edit
    • Zorro Clark dresses as Zorro, the legendary Spanish hero of the California people that served as an inspiration for Batman. Clark makes note that he doesn't like the mask, but he likes the cape. Superman, of course, wears no mask but is famous for his red cape. Edit
    • Pauline Kahn The character's last name and general position/authority alludes to Jeanette Kahn, onetime Publisher and President at DC Comics. Edit

Show Forums

See All
Last Activity
Replies

Watch Smallville Full Episodes

See All

Related Shows

Season 5 Episodes

See All
Ep 22
Vessel
Ep 21
Oracle
Ep 20
Fade
Ep 19
Mercy
Ep 18
Fragile
Ep 17
Void
Ep 16
Hypnotic
Ep 15
Cyborg
Ep 14
Tomb
Ep 13
Vengeance
Ep 12
Reckoning
Ep 11
Lockdown
Ep 10
Fanatic
Ep 9
Lexmas
Ep 8
Solitude
Ep 7
Splinter
Ep 6
Exposed
Ep 5
Thirst
Ep 4
Aqua
Ep 3
Hidden
Ep 2
Mortal
Ep 1
Arrival

Contributors

Become a contributor
More
Less

TV Listings

Full Listings
BROWSE | Shows | Videos | News | Listings | Forums | People | Photos | TV.com Blog

CBS Entertainment | About TV.com | About CBS Interactive | Jobs | Advertise

© 2012 CBS Interactive Inc. All rights reserved. | Privacy Policy | Ad Choice | Terms of Use