So NoTORIous Season 1 Episode 1

Kiki: I don't understand all this emotion. You never liked that capelet, you never liked anything I ever bought you, I was just clearing out some space.
Tori: You have 64,000 square feet!
Kiki: 64,500 and it's getting tight. We might have to move Nanny to the basement.

Tori: She bought my capelet on eBay!
Kiki: Well let me tell you she got a steal and she stiffed me on shipping. I gave her negative feedback.

Tori: That stain is from my Shirley Temple barf.
Sasan's Mother: It's from MY barf.
Sasan: Mom, you barf? How chic, I thought you were just dieting.

Janie: You're tall. I love tall guys. I bet you've got really big...
Sasan: ... nuts?

Ruthie: Don't give him any right away. The minute they get what they want, they disappear. You know, I kept Philip waiting for six months so when we finally did it, meant something.
Tori: Oh, are you still seeing him?
Ruthie: Who?

Sasan: It's ok, I'm gay. So Tori and I can sleep in the same bed and the only thing that happens is giggling... depending on what Tori's been eating.

Tori: We've all been friends since Junior High.
Scott: I wasn't even sure you if you went to school. I mean, other than the one on TV.

Kiki: I've built and eBay room. Isn't this fun? I'm getting rid of all this clutter and making a little mad money.
Tori: Mom, a bottle of Vitabath!?
Kiki: Well it's been in the bathroom for two years, it might not even be good anymore.

Nanny: Damn girl, look at those boobies. They get bigger every week. That can't just be about a bra.
Tori: Nan, these are mine.
Nanny: That's right. you pay for something, it's yours.

Aaron: That's great angel, but wouldn't you rather have a series on network television? There's always room for another witch on 'Charmed'.
Tori: No thanks Daddy. I think it's better if I get my own work. Unless of course you want to buy me a studio. No Daddy, don't, I was just kidding.

Security Guard: Can I help you?
Tori: Oh hi! It's me, Tori. Just here to see my parents.
Security Guard: I'll need to see some ID, and check if the animal has clearance.

Sasan: He'll never evolve if he uses shampoo and conditioner in one.
Pete: And your parents don't know you're gay.

Janey: Talk about his work. Guys who work love that. What's a gaffer do?
Tori: Oh, you know he does all the...gaffing needs and erm...I'll google it.

Tori: Why is it so hard to believe that I don't take handouts from my family, that I live off my own money...that I earned from being on my Daddy's TV show.

Janey: Maybe because he's so busy bringing home hookers.
Tori: Ok that, not his fault. Charlie Sheen overbooked one night and gave him the overflow for free. Pete just thought he lucked out.
Janey: With women who look like hookers?
Tori: Hun this is LA, we all look like hookers.

Pete: Did you eat my last energy bar?
Tori: Pete, I'm playing a hyperglycemic, why would I eat something with so much sugar in it?
Pete: Er, so you can all hopped up and then crash right before your big scene?
Tori: I'll get you a one tomorrow.

Tori: It's probably just another jerk who's gonna ask me for a hummer.
Janey: Ah jee, what's the big deal.
Sasan: She means the car.
Janey: That's appalling.