Mary: I have one son who's about to become my daughter, another son whom people are trying to kill, I have a lunatic stepson and a dummy living in my home and a husband who won't make love to me. That's not life, that's something by Tennessee Williams!
Barney: I'm thinking of having [sex change operation] next week. I heard that women live longer.
Barney: Incredible! Since I've been here, there has been a movie producer, a longshoreman, and a hockey player and none of them could get to first base with that cutie, but then, without even trying, a fagula gets to first base with that cutie!
Mary: (contemplating Jodie's homosexuality) Psychiatrists get rich from blaming mothers.
Narrator: (Opening Narration) In Last week's episode of Soap, Danny, unable to kill Burt, now has to run for his life so the Mob wont kill him. Since this news would kill his mother, Danny told her that he was going off to be a spy. So far he has been able to fool Mary, but not the Mob, because when Danny appeared in disguise at the Tate dinner party, the Mob tried to kill him. Fortunately, Danny got away. Unfortunately, Bob the dummy got hit. Confused? you wont be after this week's episode of Soap.
Narrator: (Closing Narration) Will Jodie decide to be a woman? Or will nurse Nancy convince him to be with a woman instead? Since Burt couldn't with Mary because he thought he was a murderer, now that the Psychiatrist has told him he isn't a murderer and didn't do it, will he be able to? Will Danny run out of disguises? Or closet space? And what will Jessica, now that she's discovered what Chester is doing, do? These questions and many others will be answered on next week's episode of Soap.
Jessica: Well Mary, if we didn't have unhappy experiences how would we know when we were having happy ones?
Mary: I was just so depressed.
Jessica: Mary, hospitals depress everyone. They make them that way on purpose, you see, so sick people will get well in a hurry and go home.
Jodie: I'm in for a sex change.
Barney: What do you want to change sex? If I remember correctly it was pretty terrific.
Jodie: (regarding his sex change) Dennis, this isn't clip-gazinias-and-they-grow-back-next-spring.
Veteran character actor Harold Gould, best known as Rhoda Morgenstern's father on Rhoda, makes his first of several appearances as Barney Gerber, Jodie's funny and kind-hearted roommate. Years later, Gould would become a semi-regular on Witt/Thomas/Harris' Golden Girls, playing Rose's steady beau, Miles.