Son of the Beach - Season 3

FX (ended 2002)




Episode Guide

  • Penetration Island, Part I
    Notch and his SPF-30 lifeguards leave the sands of Malibu Adjacent and hit the surf in Bulimia to take part in a reality TV show.
  • Penetration Island
    Penetration Island
    Episode 1
    Tex Finklestein hatches a plan to boost the ratings of his UBM network--he signs Notch and the gang to star in a new reality show, Penetration Island, to be filmed on the island of Bulimia. Unfortunately, Dirty Sanchez and his rebels want their homeland back, and the show's contestants face a bigger challenge than they had planned on.moreless
  • Saturday Night Queefer
    Johnny Queefer returns to enter a dance contest in hopes of reaching Broadway--but Notch begins having flashbacks about his own dance contest failure at the hands of Tony Manure, and he outlaws dancing in Malibu Adjacent.
  • In the Line of Booty
    Notch's "Just Say Notch" program finally ends the violence between the East Side Rappers and the West Side Rappers--until "Biggy" is injured by a masked man in a Jet-Ski drive-by shooting. Meanwhile, Porcelain becomes an eager beaver when she mistakenly believes that Professor Milosevic can finance her film career.
  • Three Days of the Condom
    When Notch's gang finds out that B.J. has gone missing from her D.C. internship, the gang travels to find her. After they find B.J. with amnesia and pregnant, Notch questions her employer, Congressman George Bukaki, and SPF-30 is embroiled in a government conspiracy. Back home, Chip must try to stop a purse-snatcher at the annual Lez-Aid Faire, where Porcelain is scheming to get famous by playing for the other team.moreless
  • Witness for the Prostitution
    Notch is honored at S.U.C.M.A. with the opening of a lavatory science building named after him. But Notch smells something fishy at the campus when a student commits suicide and Ellen loses her job as house mother at the I Eta Pi sorority. Meanwhile, Kimberlee's mother comes for a visit, and Porcelain begins her relationship with the decrepit millionaire, Nick Pappasmearos.moreless
  • The Gay Team
    The Gay Team
    Episode 6
    Young men begin disappearing from the beach, and Notch discovers that Heinous Anus been taking them to the alternate reality known as the Gaytrix. After Chip vanishes, Notch infiltrates the Gaytrix with the help of Captain Entenille and attempts to put an end to the Evil Gay Empire. Meanwhile, Porcelain's marriage heats up because of a scheme thought up by B.J. and Jamaica.moreless
  • You Only Come Once
    You Only Come Once
    Episode 7
    Stinkfinger didn't get workman's compensation from an explosion that occurred where he was working and he seeks revenge by trying to control the weather around the world. Notch's friend comes to help as Kimberlee, Porcelain, and Notch try to foil Stinkfinger's evil plan. Meanwhile, Jamaica finds out that her mom is a TV talkshow host named "Okra" and that she had abandoned Jamaica when she was little.moreless
  • Hamm Stroker's Suck My Blood
    The Lifeguard of the Year convention at Malibu Adjacent becomes serious when foreign lifeguards start getting killed, and Notch has to watch over his Israeli counterpart, Noccus Johnstein.
  • Godfather Knows Best
    Jamaica is shocked when Vinnie Fellachio claims to be the father she has never known.
  • Empty the Dragon
    Empty the Dragon
    Episode 10
    Notch travels to Japan with Kimberlee, Chip and Porcelain for the Nagasaki Fried Chicken (NFC) Karaoke Championships. To Porcelain's dismay, the blonde Kimberlee gets all the attention from the press. Notch gets involved with Binaka, whose crazed vegetarian father has concocted a formula that turns a chicken into a giant beast which is rampaging through Tokyo. The giant chicken captures Kimberlee and things look grim when the Japanese troops prepare to blast the big animal, but Notch comes to the rescue. Also, Chip visits a geisha house, where he gets a big, unexpected surprise.moreless
  • The Long Hot Johnson
    Notch's old wet nurse, Aunt Jizzy, and company come to him with stories of Klan activity in South Malibu Adjacent and a scheme led by the notorious Bull Cracker to cheat them out of their homes. Notch joins the all-white South Malibu Adjacent Country Club to find out the truth, with Jamaica posing as his fiancee. Bull and his boys are about to make a move on Notch, Jamaica and Kimberlee, but they are rescued by a couple of unlikely allies: Bull's wife, Pussy Willow, and Porcelain. Also, Chip and B.J. try to help out by going undercover as a married brother and sister.moreless
  • Taco Lips Now (1)
    Taco Lips Now (1)
    Episode 12
    Notch's past catches up with him, as he is wrongly arrested for war crimes concerning the destruction of the village of Tam-Pon. But, Notch can't defend himself--his last promise to Colonel Kooze was to never tell what really happened there. Meanwhile, Porcelain marries the decrepit tycoon, Nick "Snuggles" Pappasmearos, so she can inherit his money--but she'll have to contend with his family, including Nick Jr.moreless
  • Jailhouse Notch (2)
    Jailhouse Notch (2)
    Episode 13
    Notch is convicted of the war crime and goes to jail, where he meets all sorts of unsavory characters, but soon he breaks out and begins his search for Colonel Kooze so he can clear his name. But there are some surprises back at Malibu Adjacent. Notch's brother Harry is working for Kooze, and part of their evil plan is for Harry to court and propose marriage to Kimberlee. Kimberlee falls for it and accepts Harry's proposal. Meanwhile a court rules against Porcelain and her claim on "Snuggles'" will, with the result being that she's now homeless.moreless
  • Bad News, Mr. Johnson (3)
    Wrapping up the three-episode story and the series as well, Notch continues his battle with Colonel Kooze as SPF-30 makes plans for a triple wedding. Unfortunately for the team, Colonel Kooze has a final surprise for all.