South Park

Season 11 Episode 2

Cartman Sucks

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Mar 14, 2007 on Comedy Central



  • Quotes

    • Detective: So, you say you were robbed?
      Cartman: yes. A photograph. And I know who took it: His name is Kyle Brofoski.
      Detective: If it's a photo, what's the big deal? What don't you just print out another one?
      Cartman: It's a big deal, okay?! That picture is my propertah, and I want it back!
      Detective: Okay, what is the picture of?
      Cartman: Why-why does that matter?
      Detective: Well, how're we gonna find your picture, unless we know what it is?
      Cartman: Alright, it's a picture of me.
      Detective: Yes?
      Cartman: It's a picture of me, and um...what appears to be, a my mouth.
      Detective: You were sucking somebody's penis.
      Cartman: No! No, I was not! I was asleep and this person just put their penis in my mouth--without me knowing--and took the picture.
      Detective: I see.
      Cartman: Yes. Now, it may appear in the picture, that I'm actually looking at the camera lens and smiling--with the penis in my mouth--and giving a thumbs up. But I assure you, I was fast asleep.
      Detective: Well, we'd have to get a warrant first--approved by a grand jury.
      Cartman: I don't have time for that! We have school tomorrow, and I know that Kyle is going to show the picture to everybody, during show-and-tell!
      Detective: Well then, you're screwed.