South Park

Season 16 Episode 2

Cash For Gold

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Mar 21, 2012 on Comedy Central

Episode Recap

At an assisted living facility, Stan's grandfather (who is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease) gives him a gift. A bolo tie that his grandfather says cost him $6000. Stan's mom even volunteer's that he can wear at school tomorrow for picture day. The next day at the bus stop, Stan is wearing the bolo tie. He knows how gay it really is. Stan wishes his grandfather just would have given him the money. Kyle suggests they take it to one of those pawn places, they are always advertising that they'll give "cash for gold." At the first place they stop, the broker offers him $15. They decide to give another place a try, not surprisingly there is one right next door. That broker offers him $8 for the tie. After hearing it's a King Henry the V bolo tie, she ups her offer to $9. There is a Taco Bell with a "Cash For Gold" sign. The boys go in and the broken offers him a six-layer-burrito for the tie; when Kyle reminds him they don't make a six-layer-burrito he ups it to seven-layers. Outside the Taco Bell Stan wonders how it happens that something that cost so much could be worth so little. We cut to "Jewelry Bonanza with DEAN" on the J&G Shopping Network, where Dean is showing us how it is done. Having been watching the channel all day, Cartman explains to the other boys how it is done. He shows them this formula:

gcfs2 --> puc2 + ( cb (sn) / d1 Op) = GOLD

Guys with Cash For gold Signs gets you People with Unwanted Crappy Jewelry which when added to a Cable Based (Shopping Network) divided by Demented Old People = GOLD.

Kyle tells Kenny to tell Cartman to shut the f*uck up, which Kenny readily does. The TV pitchman interrupts with a great deal on a $20,000 ring which he is selling for $4,000. When he starts talking to the buyer, Stan recognizes his grandfather's voice. At the assisted living facility Stan comes into his grandfather's room to find his grandfather mesmerized by the shopping network. His grandfather is trying to remember things from his past, like his dog Patches, but it is to no avail; Stan promises his grandfather that he is going to take care of this. Meanwhile, in the school playground, Cartman is offering cash for gold with Butters as his guy with the sign. He buys some crappy jewelry for $3, now all he needs is some old people.

On the J&G Shopping Network DEAN makes another sale to old woman who is lost walking on the freeway. Dean takes a call and Stan is on the line and he suggests that host kill himself for what he is doing the old people. Stan is very calm an emphatic about his desire for the host to kill himself. On the Old People's Shopping Network "Eric's Jewelry Calvacade [sic] with Eric" is on the air and Cartman is trying to sell the $3 ring he bought for not for $8 billion but for the very reasonable price of $75.95. There is a buyer on the line and Cartman asks her if she likes f*cking little kids, because she just got a $8 billion ring for $75.95. Cartman thinks he should get an award for the acting job he just did. At a gold smelting plant, an Sean Penn's Academy Award for his performance in "Milk" is being melted down, along with other artifacts. Kenny, Kyle, and Stan are there and Stan is bitching out the owner. He tells him that they can't blame him, they need to look elsewhere for blame. Stan reminds him of the old saying "whoever smelt it, dealt it." He tells them of an old Hindu saying, which translates to "whoever supplied it, denied it." Back home Stan gets up on a podium and starts bitching out the cash for gold sign holders, which includes Butters. Butters informs Stan that they aren't making that much. One of the sign holders reveals that the shopping network jewelry comes from India, which leads them to remember the expression, "whoever made the rhyme, did the crime." Cartman in the meanwhile has gone to a jewelry wholesale shop to purchase some crappy jewelry that he can resell. The woman behind the counter thinks he is so clever for having his own business. Cartman soon realizes even though he is going to pay a low price for the jewelry he's planning on buying, he thinks he can get it even cheaper.

Cartman and Butters go to India to buy direct from the manufacturer, much to their surprise they find Kenny, Kyle and Stan there already. Stan is trying to get the workers there to stop what they are doing. Cartman thinks the boys are there to try to f*ck him. Stan just wants whoever in charge of this whole to stop f*cking his grandfather. When a worker offers him an necklace he rejects it. The worker then puts in a plastic bag, which goes into a box and we dissolve to a montage of the circle of life for this necklace, which leaves India for the US, only to be bought, given as a gift, pawned, smelted and sent back to India, where it eventually becomes another piece of jewelry and the cycle repeats. They give Stan a picture frame, which Stan gives to his grandfather with a picture of Patches in it. Stan's grandfather also doesn't know where Stan got the bolo tie from, but he tells him it is a gay as f*ck. Finally on the "Jewelry Bonanza with DEAN," Dean finally follows Stan and several caller's recommendation and kills himself on the air.