South Park Season 11 Episode 6

Allison: Have you, never even thought of being with another woman?
Mrs. Garrison: Oh goodness no! Of course I haven't. I mean really, I don't even understand how two woman can make love. I mean unless they kinda just scissor or something.

(Cartman tells the Mexicans to do their homework)
Stan: Dude, that is awesome. I had no idea you could do that.
Cartman: Oh yeah, dude. Having Mexicans around totally kicks f***ing ass!

Allison: Hey, aren't you supposed to be teaching school right now?
Mrs. Garrison: The school hired a substitute to cover for me.
(scene changes to South Park Elementary where the kids are being taught math)
Mexican: And so, to find the sum of the two fractions, you must always first check for the lowest common denominator.
Other Mexicans: Si, yeah, si...
Stan: These guys are pretty good.
Kyle: Yeah, I think I'm actually learning something.

Narrator: And so it was that "Les Bos" was saved. The Persians had agreed to keep it a lesbian bar, for no dyke should be without cocktails.

Cartman: (in an angry tone) Why the hell would we pay you to write to your friends?
Mexican: We thought it was kinda strange.

Mrs. Garrison: Lesbos! Remember this day. Remember this fight!

Stan: (About Mrs. Garrison's new revelation) That's great!
Cartman: Let's hear it for teacher being a lesbian!
(The kids cheer)
Mrs. Garrison: Tee hee hee hee!

Mrs. Garrison: Allison and I talked, and really opened up to each other, then we scissored all night long.
Butters: You have to be careful with scissors.

Narrator: Outside, Lesbo look-outs kept watch, ready to alert the others. The Lesbo leader sat nervously inside. Her plan to dress Mexicans as Persians to act as spies; perhaps it had failed. She looked around at her fellow Lesbos. They were tired. In order to keep her Lesbos awake, she had no choice. She would have to make coffee.

Woman: Who's the new girl?
Other Woman: Allison always goes for the butch ones.

Stan: Dude, how are we going to read a book over the weekend, and write an essay!?
Kyle: Our whole weekend is shot!
Kenny: (Muffled) What the hell are we gonna do!?
Cartman: You guys, you guys, relax. We don't have to read the book, or write the essay.
Stan: We don't?
Cartman: No. There's people you can hire to do these things.

Cartman: Have you lost your mind?
Stan: Dude, we can't read a book in one weekend.
Mrs. Garrison: Oh, well that's too bad dude! If you boys could keep your penises in your pants once in awhile you'd get more done!
Butters: But teacher, my penis never slips out of my pants, except sometimes when I'm wearing pajamas!

Mrs. Garrison: You boys make me sick. You're well on your way to being men, who only think with their penises.

Mrs. Garrison: Kids, I need to tell you something that you might find shocking. I'm gay.
Stan: Again?

Narrator: Finally, the Persians grew tired, and many wanted to go shopping for more designer sunglasses.

Mrs. Garrison: The way we kept those Persians from taking over our bar was les-tastic!

Mrs. Garrison: This isn't crazy, THIS IS LESBOS!

Mrs. Garrison: We are being discriminated against as lesbians!
Mayor McDaniels: You're a lesbian now?

Mrs. Garrison: Ow, you kicked me right in the pussy!

Mrs. Garrison: Oh yeah scissor! Scissor me, Alison!
Allison: Janet you're crazy!
Mrs. Garrison: Oh this is hot scissoring! Oh scissor me timbers!

Mrs.Garrison: Everyone sit down and shut the f*** up! Goddamnit! Stupid ass man! They're all the same!
Kyle: Oh God, here we go again.
Mrs. Garrison: All men care about is sex! I spent two hours getting ready for that stupid date! And when the bastard checks out my body, he just says, "Hey, did you used to be a guy or somethin'?" I'm a woman now, so what's it matter?!