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South Park

Season 4 Episode 9

Do the Handicapped Go to Hell? (1)

2
Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Jul 19, 2000 on Comedy Central

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  • Quotes

    • (Inside the confessional, Cartman goes through his extensive list of sins. Priest Maxi on the other side of the box)
      Cartman: …and that was about everything from first grade. Then last year, well, you can't tell anybody about this stuff, right?
      Priest Maxi: Your (clears his throat) con- confession does not leave this box.
      Cartman: Okay, because, last year, I took a sandwich that the priest of this church had been eating.
      Priest Maxi: Oh. Well, uh, arr-I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew.
      Cartman: No, but I'm not finished yet. I took the sandwich that the priest was eating, took the piece of ham out of it, put it between my butt cheeks, and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it.
      (Cartman looks up for a response, but nothing happens)
      Priest Maxi: (after a pause) I see.
      Cartman: Yeah, and then this other time, I peed in the holy water thing, and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it every day for about a week. (the priest grows more concerned and his jaw drops) And then this one time, I was at the park, and the priest was out walking his dog and I went number two on the sidewalk and then told officer Barbrady that it was the priest's dog. (Priest Maxi's worry has turned to anger he's trying to contain) And so the priest got fined like a hundred dollars for not cleaning it up. And then this one time, I put super glue all over the priest's bottle of- (an arm tears through the partition and grabs Cartman by the throat) -eh- Ow! (throttles him back and forth) D'ow! Jesus! Ooww-ah! Ow! (the priest pulls him up into the partition a few times) Eh! Oh! Help. (The confession box rocks back and forth) Oh! Somebody help! God Dammit! Let me out of here!

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