South Park Season 6 Episode 4

Cartman: Stan could you hurry it up, I'm freezing my ass off.
Kyle: You need to freeze some of your ass off.
Cartman: At least I have an ass Jew!
Kyle: What!

Butters: I don't know about this fellas. It says right here on the Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering Playset "Not for actual breaking and entering, breaking and entering is a crime."

Stan: Yeah, don't you see? This validates everything that we're doing. If we're making the news, then this is obviously important to people.
Field Reporter: Tom, it looks like I have an update: Yes, it looks like the boy terrorist story is not interesting news to anyone. Nothing else was going on, Tom, so this was the only story we had to make seem important, but people are just simply tuning out. So, HBC will now be switching programming once again to "Puppies from Around the World."

Stan: Dude, what are you guys doing?
Kyle: We're eating, dude.
Stan: You're eating meat! What the hell do you guys think we're doing all this for?
Kyle: Hey! I'm doing it to save little baby cows. I'm not gonna stop eating meat altogether.
Butters: Me neither.
Cartman: Yeah, if you don't eat meat at all, you become a pussy.

Sharon: Alright, Stanley, this has gone on long enough! Your little game is over!
Stan: This isn't a game, Mom. We're not coming out until know the calves will be safe.
Sharon: Well that's fine! You boys can just stay in there and starve to death. Us parents are going to go to Pizza Shack and have pepperoni pizza and ice cream.
Cartman: Oh, God-dammit you guys.

Sharon: Our boys have locked themselves in Stan's room until we can promise them the calves will live free, in writing.
Sheila: Well, this is ridiculous! I don't know how you raise your kids, but my son does not play negotiator with me!
Sharon: We excuse me, Sheila, but it wasn't that simple!
Sheila: Ha! Give me fifteen seconds with Kyle and I'll have that door open! Kyle! This is your mother! You will open this door right now!
Kyle: No I won't.
Sharon: Yes, I see what you mean, Sheila. That was very impressive.
Sheila: Kyle, if you don't do as you're told, I'm going to be very angry!
Kyle: Well you made me eat veal and didn't tell me what it was. So go ahead and be angry, you baby calf killing bitch!
Sharon: Very persuasive.
(Sheila screams and pounds on the door.)

(during the negotiating process)
Mike the Negotiator: How about we make a trade, just to show that we can trust each other.
Cartman: What'd you have in mind?
Mike the Negotiator: Well how about you send out one of the calves.
Cartman: Aw Mike you're breaking my balls here man.

Cartman: Where are we going?
Stan: We're going to go save the little baby cows fat ass.
Cartman: What? Why?
Kyle: 'Cause they're gonna get slaughtered tomorrow butt-hole.
Cartman: So?
Stan: So we can't let them die, douche bag. You're our friend, so come help us.
Cartman: Well let's see, in the last 3.2 seconds you've called me fat ass, butt-hole, and douche bag. I really don't feel much like you guys' friend.

Ms. Choksondik: Okay children step off the bus and form a group next to the nice redneck, I mean rancher.
Rancher: Hello, boys and girls. My name is Rancher Bob.
Ms. Choksondik: Let's all say hello to Rancher Bob.
Kids: Hi, Rancher Bob.
Rancher Bob: I'm pleased to show you all the wonderful world of beef. Follow me.
Kyle: City kids get to go to museums for field trips. We get cow farms.

Chris: Butters! Right now!
Butters: Dad, uh, why don't you suck my fat one?
Chris: What?
Butters: Oh, sweet Jesus.

Stan: We're those little baby cows' only hope. Will you help us?
Cartman: Yes. Yes I will. If Kyle will kiss my black ass.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Just give it a little kiss and I'll help.
Kyle: Screw you, Cartman!
Cartman: Okay, but if you want my help you have to give it just a little kiss. Kiss it.
Stan: Go on, dude it's the only way.
Kyle: No!
Cartman: Kiss it. Come on. Kiss it.
Stan: Just do it really fast and we can go.
Kyle: Have Butters kiss it.
Cartman: No, it has to be Kyle.
(Kyle goes to kiss it but Cartman farts on him)
Kyle: Aw!
Cartman: Oh man, that was so awesome!
Kyle: Sick! I felt it on my face!
Stan: Okay, very funny Cartman, now come on!
Cartman: Hell, I'm not going with you! (Kyle attacks him)

Stan: Guys, I learned something today. It's wrong to eat meat because the animals are horribly mistreated, but if you don't eat meat at all, you break out in vaginas.

Sheila: You're giving them a missile?
Negotiator: Stand down, ma'am! Stand down! This is a delicate process! I've almost earned their trust!

Cartman: What are you waiting for? Go kill them, Worf.
Michael Dorn: I'm not killing anybody!
Cartman: Some God damned Klingon you are!

Stan: [holding torch] How does this thing work, Cartman?
Cartman: Jesus, don't you guys have any toys? First you put on the black ski mask and use the torch to cut a hole in the roof.

Cartman: Can't go on. Need... food...
Kyle: We didn't realize hunger made you feel so bad.
Cartman: There's only one alternative, you guys. We're gonna have to eat a calf.
Stan: No, Cartman, we're not eating a calf!
Cartman: All right. Then we're going to have to eat Butters.
Kyle: He might be right, dude.
Butters: Aw, heck.

[Cartman pushes a calf on ice]
Cartman: Check it out, you guys. I'm calf curling.

Cartman: What did I tell you, Stan! We save some baby cows from being eaten, and now we're no good dirty God damned hippies!

Stan: [wakes up] Butters? B-Butters! You have your arm around me!
Butters: [wakes up] Oh, sorry. I thought you were Mr. Pickles.

Cartman: [to a calf] You want some beef jerky, buddy? Yes, who's the buddy? Who's hungry? [the calf starts eating it] Who's the hungry man?
Kyle: Dude, that's messed up.

Stan: When all is said and done you could all be looking at being grounded for three, perhaps even four weeks. So if any of you guys want out, just say the word now.
Cartman: I want out.
Stan: Shut up, Cartman.

Doctor: He's very luck you got him here when you did. He was in a very advanced state of vaginitis.
Randy: Vaginitis?
Doctor: It occurs when a person stops eating meat. Those sores on his skin were actually small vaginas. If we hadn't stopped it in time, Stan would have eventually just become one great big giant pussy.

Butters: [to the calves] Good night, Patches. Good night, Halloway. Good night, Nepture. Good night, Davis. Good night, Bud. Good night, Red. Good night, Paulette. Good night, Chastity.
Cartman: Butters, I'm going to kill you over and over again.

Stan: Butters said he has something in his house that makes baby cows strong again. He's bringing it over.
Kyle: Butters has that at his house?

Kyle: Dude, how are we going to move 23 calves to your house?
Stan: I don't know.
Cartman: I've got it. We could kill Butters, and then float the calves on a river of blood.
Kyle: Don't be stupid, Cartman! Butters doesn't have that much blood in him!
Butters: Yeah, I do too!

Michael Dorn: We cannot keep going fast on these icy roads!
Cartman: [correcting him] Captain, we cannot keep going fast on these icy roads?
Michael Dorn: Captain, we cannot keep going fast on these icy roads.