At the school playground Cartman is bragging about his iPad, but it turns out that he doesn't really have one. Cartman goes home and complains to his mother about having to wait until his birthday. He asks his mother for her lipstick so that he can look pretty for the next time she f(beep)ks him. Kyle is showing off his iPad, when some men from Apple come to collect him. Kyle it seems had agreed to the latest Terms and Conditions for an iTunes upgrade. He runs from the men from Apple. He asks for help from the other boys, who are surprised that Kyle didn't read the Terms and Conditions. Kyle gets to his father's office to ask him for legal advice. The men from Apple find Kyle in the office and come in through the window. Gerald, a PC user, isn't aware of all things Apple. Gerald gets tasered and Kyle is taken away. Cartman gets his mom to take him to Best Buy, but when she sees the price of the iPad he wants she tells him they can't afford it. Cartman makes a scene by dropping his pants and loudly accusing his mother of f(beep)king him. He doesn't get the device and tries to sweet talk his mother on the way home; when that doesn't work he asks her to stop for dinner, because he likes to be wined and dined after he's been f(beep)ked. Kyle finds himself thrown into a locked room with two other people who also blindly agree to the latest iTunes Terms and Conditions. Steve Jobs makes a new product announcement, which features Kyle and his fellow inmates. It turns that through the Terms and Conditions that they've agreed to be surgically altered such that they will be joined mouth to anus, forming a human centipede, equipped with a phone at the front end and a pad at the end. Creating a new Apple product called the HUMANCENTiPAD. Gerald and the boys look over the Terms and Conditions and see what Kyle has agreed to. Gerald wants to go to the police to find out where his son is, but the boys tell him the police would go to Apple to find out where someone is. Stan says the only way they are going to fix this is to go and get help from the highest authority on the planet, they are going to ask the Geniuses.
Steve Jobs looks over his new product, the HUMANCENTiPAD. The device consists of a iPhone attached to the forehead of a man; Kyle's mouth is surgically attached to the man's anus; and the mouth of the woman behind Kyle is surgically attached to his anus; attached to her rear end is a iPad. Kyle pleads to get out of this. Steve Jobs offers him a form to sign, but Kyle doesn't read it, he just signs it. Unfortunately the form now allows Apple to do whatever they want. Steve Jobs is annoyed that the device won't read anything. The Apple techs speculate that maybe the device is low on power and should be fed. The man in the front of the is tempted by a burrito, which quickly goes through his digestive system, through Kyle and finally into the woman. In the meantime, Cartman goes on Dr. Phil's show, to air his grievance about his mom constantly f(beep)king him. It seems that Cartman has Dr. Phil and the audience on his side. Dr. Phil wants to give Eric a very special gift; which gets Cartman excited, maybe it's an iPad. Gerald and the boys go to see the Geniuses at the Apple store, but it appears the only help they might be able to offer is a store credit. The HUMANCENTiPAD is rescued, but it turns out to be another ruse, and Steve Jobs is angry when the Kyle part of the device again doesn't take the time to read the Terms and Conditions.
At the Apple store, the Geniuses manage to get them a replacement friend. Of course that not good enough for Gerald and the boys. The Geniuses decide they need to have a quickening to come up with a solution. At Best Buy, Dr. Phil and Apple have teamed up to give Cartman Apple's newest device, the HUMANCENTiPAD. Cartman's delighted to get a device that does web and email and shits in Kyle's mouth. A reporter asks if it can read and the Kyle part of the device promises it will read. At the Apple store the Geniuses are doing some future stuff and come up with a solution to the problem. Gerald will need to join Apple, then under a family agreement he will need to iApprove any agreements his son makes. Gerald reluctantly agrees. The Geniuses perform a ceremony, which indoctrinates Gerald into the Apple world. With the ceremony complete, Steve Jobs is informed that the HUMANCENTiPAD needs to be taken apart and Kyle let go. The HUMANCENTiPAD needs to recalled. Gerald arrives at Best Buy and preaches some of the wisdom he has learned from the Geniuses. Steve Jobs even agrees to let the future come a little more slowly. The crowd begins to disperse, leaving Cartman on his own, angry with God for f(beep)king him, but he quickly finds himself feeling God's wrath.