South Park

Season 16 Episode 6

I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Apr 18, 2012 on Comedy Central

Episode Recap

In a parody of the show I Shouldn't Be Alive, the boys recount the idea one of them had on their last day of spring break. In "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" a narrator tells the tale of what happens to four school boys during a four hour period in the Colorado Rockies when they decide what they are going to do with their last day of spring break. The boys are trying to decide what to do, but whatever they do, Cartman does not want to catch the herpes that he says Kenny has on his lip. Zip-lining is suggested by someone, and Stan gets his Uncle Jimbo to drive them. The boys arrive, get their gear, and then they find themselves in tour group hell. After waiting for some later arrivals, the mandatory safety video, and stupid questions from members of the tour group the boys are ready to be on their way. Until they have to endure a 45 minute shuttle ride to their first zip-line. What no one realizes is there is a storm brewing in Cartman's digestive system, the things he's eaten recently are not mixing well with the Mountain Dew he's drinking. The result of which is a fecal matter laden fart that makes its way into Kyle's nose. The get to the top and one of the tourists of course wants to know about the biology of the trees. Cartman is the first one to go and he gets to the other side he reports that it is "really f(beep)king boring as shit." After 20 minutes when everybody has had their turn, the boys find out the truth, they have another 16 zip-lines to endure before they are completed with their tour. Their nightmare has just begun.

The boys try to figure out how to get out of this tour from hell. Cartman tries to blame Kyle for them going on this adventure; Stan realizes that no one remembers it was he that made the suggestion. Of course, Cartman's digestive problems are only getting worse as he's started drinking Double Dew, the diarrhea that winds up in his underwear, still manage to find their way into Kyle's nose. They think by not zip-lining that will help speed up the tour. And it helps, only until they are confounded by a lunch break. Cartman complains there is something wrong with his tummy, even though now he is only drinking Diet Double Dew. Stan goes to one of the tour guides to ask for help as one of his friends is sick. They can't readily assist, but tell them there is a nearby horse stable they can go to. The boys go to the stable and think escape is imminent, until they find themselves now part of a four-mile an hour horseback ride in a segment called "I Should Have Never Thought Horseback Riding Would Be Any Better Than Ziplining." Kyle has given up and wants everyone to go on without them. Stan looks for another alternative to escape and finds a nearby lake with a marina. He figures they can get a boat and get back on their own. "The following program contains graphic re-enactments that may be disturbing to some audience members. Viewer Discretion is advised." We switch to live action versions of the boys in a segment called "I Never Should Have Got On A Goddamn Boat." The boys discover boating is just as boring as everything else. To keep awake, Kyle suggests they all drink Cartman's Mountain Dew, but Cartman doesn't want to share with Kenny and get his herpes.

Now everyone has herpes and Kenny has died of boredom. Cartman tells Kyle he is the bastard for killing Kenny since he had suggested zip-lining. Stan decides to tell the truth and admits to suggesting the zip-line adventure so that he could get a free iPod Nano. All hope seems lost for the boys when they are rescued from this hell by Mr. Hankey. Mr. Hankey airlifts the boys from the boat in his magical heli-crapter, his 7-turdy-7 and finally on the Poo Choo express. Kenny's body is returned home, the boys are treated for their herpes and Kyle spent 27 days in the hospital getting fecal matter removed from his nose. Stan created some videos about the dangers of the boredom from zip-lining, which became popular enough that he once again spent some time jacking it in the streets of San Diego. And Cartman when back to drinking Diet Double Dew.

* Kenny dies from boredom.