Cartman has gotten out soccer drills yet again, the only reason he does to practice on Friday night is for his weekly fix of KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). Stan's dad picks the boys up and they head to KFC, but when they arrive they discover it has become a facility that sells medical marijuana. Randy is excited to find out that there is a new law that will allow him to buy pot, he only needs a doctor's note to get some. He immediately visits his doctor and is distraught when he finds out he is perfectly healthy and unable to get a note. He asks what the quickest way to get cancer is and is it possible "before the Ziggy Marley concert next Saturday in Denver." Cartman gets his mother to drive him to the nearest KFC, he won't settle for Church's Fried Chicken. Cartman finds out that KFCs have become illegal in Colorado, because of a new law that bans the sale of fast food in low income areas. And since KFC was only in low income areas, KFC is illegal in Colorado. Cartman explodes with the news. Randy is trying to give himself cancer. Cartman goes to a clinic for help, they give him a small quantity of KFC gravy and he is initially annoyed with that, but gives in quickly for the chance at just one fix. Randy researches different cancers and sticks his junk into the microwave. He gets just what he hoped for, testicular cancer, of course his balls have grown to enormous size. Randy gets his prescription filled and is standing out by the street corner, toking away, with his balls in a wheelbarrow. While walking down the street, Cartman finds out from a kid that Billy Miller has got some KFC, running an operation out of his parent's basement. Cartman gets a small taste that will cost him $85, unless of course he is will to help receive a delivery of some illicit KFC. Cartman is eager to help.
Randy is enjoying his pot. When he realizes he needs to get home to watch Caprica he starts to hurry, until his wheelbarrow breaks down. He struggles for a way to move his balls, until he starts to bounce up and down on them, treating them like a "Hoppity Hop" and he starts hopping his way down Main street. Cartman meanwhile meets the guy with the KFC. Cartman tastes the gravy and realizes that it has been cut with Boston Market gravy. Cartman pulls a gun on the dealer. When Officer Barbrady (nice to see him back) asks what's going on, Cartman notes that everything is cool. Randy is enjoying his pot and won't share it with his poker friends, because that would be illegal. He tells them all about the other benefits his big balls are giving him, including their effect on women. Cartman returns to Billy Miller's with the stuff. They like his style and Cartman is offered a chance to help with the establishment of a direct line to the Kentucky and the Colonel himself. Cartman retorts, "Is the Pope Catholic and making the world safe for pedophiles?". The doctor notes the outbreak of testicular cancer in town, all of Randy's poker buddies have it and they are all bouncing their way down main street. In Corbin, Kentucky at the Colonel's estate Cartman and his friend are having a nice conversation, until the friend disappears. The Colonel reveals the kid was an informer for Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution (on ABC). The Colonel wants to know if Cartman can be trusted, Cartman says he's been the Colonel's biggest supporter since he was two. The Colonel warns Cartman to never try and f(beep)k him.
Randy's balls are swelling and getting bigger, much to Sharon's delight, she can hardly look him in the eye. He goes to get some more marijuana, but finds he can't get his balls in the door. When he asks to have the stuff brought outside, he is informed that selling it outside the facility is still illegal. Randy tries to get his balls inside, but it's not happening. At Billy Miller's he is annoyed that Cartman promised the Colonel they take 10,000 more boxes. Billy says he can't move that much chicken and keep the operation protected and profitable. 36% of the chicken is for Cartman himself. Cartman wants to expand operations, and takes it over, by telling Billy's parents about the F he got on that social studies test. Meantime, Randy and his poker buddies are bouncing on their balls, picketing for bigger doors on medicinal marijuana facilities. It incites a debate that perhaps pot should just be made legal, since everyone is abusing the medicinal marijuana system anyway. The doctor comes in with startling revelation, it was the change in the building (from chicken to marijuana) that caused those men to get cancer. The KFC was keeping everyone healthy. Cartman is eating into his profits when he gets a call from the Colonel, Cartman tries to make some excuses. It turns out that Cartman has f(beep)ked the Colonel and now it's time for retribution, the Colonel's men start shooting up the place, but Cartman is able to make his escape, Billy's mother isn't as fortunate. Colorado's medical marijuana and fast food laws gets repealed. The KFC reopens, offering "Medicinal Fried Chicken". And much to Sharon's disappointment, Randy's balls have been replaced with prosthetic ones; however, Randy gives her a souvenir that the doctor made. It's a scroti-coat, which shrinks in the cold, and some other women who see it are jealous.