South Park Season 10 Episode 10

Cartman: Hall Infraction!!!
Ms. Stevenson: Oh, ahhh, we were just heading back in.
Cartman: You got a hall pass, brah?
Ms. Stevenson: I don't need a hall pass, I'm the teacher.
Cartman: Yeah, but where is his hall pass?
Ms. Stevenson: Look, just let us back in.
Cartman: Get down on the floor!!!
Ms. Stevenson: We're going back inside
Cartman: You like bear-maze, ice-head?
Ms. Stevenson: Bear-maze?
Cartman: Your going with Christ!!!
Ms. Stevenson: Ahhhhhh!!!!!!

Cartman: Look, brah, I had to bring you in, but I don't have any hard feelings against you, alright?
Butters: Huh?
Cartman: Here. You need a smoke, brah?
Butters: Oh... Okay.
(Cartman lights a cigarette for Butters)
Cartman: You gotta give yourself over to Christ, brah.
Butters: I do? (Coughing)
Cartman: Jesus is Lord. You can go one direction in life, where you can just walk around hallways without a hall pass, or you can see the light, brah.

Kyle: Ex- Excuse me? My name is... Brad. And I need to report a crime. Anonymously.
Detective 1: Oh? What's the crime?
Kyle: Well, I attend South Park Elementary. And- And one of the teachers is having sex with a student.
Cops: Oh my god! This is terrible.
Detective 1: You did the right thing telling the police, Brad. Now who's the teacher? What's his name?
Kyle: Well, it isn't a guy teacher. It's a woman?
Cop 1: A woman?
Kyle: Yeah. She's having sex with a boy.
Detective 2: Oh. But- But she's ugly, right?
Kyle: Well, no, not really. It's the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.
Detective 1: The blonde?
Kyle: Yeah.
Cop 1: Some young boy's having sex with Miss Stevenson?
Kyle: Yes.
Cop 1: Nice.
Detective 1: Nice.
Kyle: What?! No, you don't understand!
Cop 1: You sure they've had sex?
Kyle: Yeah!
Cop 2: Has she performed oral sex on him?
Kyle: Yeah, I think so.
Cop 2: Nice.
Cop 1: Nice.
Cop 2: Nice.
Detective 1: So, wait. What's the crime?
Cop 1: The crime is, she isn't doin' it with me!
Kyle: Hey! He's totally underage! She's taking advantage of him!
Detective 1: You're right, we're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down, and give him his Luckiest Boy in America medal right away.
Kyle: Aagh!

Cartman: Everyone get a good look at our fugitive. I wan't her taken down fast and clean.
Leeroy: She ran away, now she got to deal with the Dawg, huh?

Lt. Dawson: Are you sure you're not lying Foley?
Officer Foley: No really, I shot both of them. They weren't even doing nothing.

Kyle: Ike, I didn't tell on you. You got busted by the hallway monitor. (Ike just looks at Kyle) Okay, I did have something to do with it, but someday you're going to realize it was for the best.
Ike: You are dead to me.
Kyle: What?
Ike: I said, you're dead to me.
Kyle: I'm dead to you?
Ike: You're dead to me Kyle.

Kyle: Wow! I think I owe you one Cartman.
Cartman: You don't owe me anything. My hallways are clean.

Randy: What's going on?
Jimbo: The kindergarten teacher's suspected of having sex with a student.
Randy: With a student! But... she's a woman.
Jimbo: Yeah, I know.
Randy: But... she's hot.

Lt. Dawson: You're so full of crap Foley.
Officer Foley: What! I did shoot him in the face... twice!

(Cartman talking to Kenny)
Cartman: And so then, I put my finger up my butthole, right? And I walked up to Kelly Nelson and I said "Do you smell lemongrass" And she smelt my finger and puked. (laughs) Oh God, you should have been there.

(A depressed Kyle is sitting down, and Cartman comes)
Cartman: There you are! What are you doing?? You giving up brah?
Kyle: Dude, my brother's in Milan. There's nothing I can do.
Cartman: No, they haven't left yet! Their flight is tomorrow morning.
Kyle: How do you know that?
Cartman: I had Beth check out their Travelocity account.
Kyle: Who's Beth??
Cartman: Beth is my b*tch! I've put a whole crew together brah. I'm gonna get that hallway defiling slut no matter what it takes.

Sheila: Help please I need your help, that teacher Miss Stevenson sh-shes left town with my son. I got a note saying they're going to Milan.
Lt. Dawson: You're kidding?
Sheila: No it's true.
Lt. Dawson: Dammit!! Where were all these sexed up teachers when I was a kid?!!

Principal Victoria: Miss Stevenson, you're having a relationship with this student?
Cartman: Yes, during class time, without a hall pass.
Principal Victoria: This is unbelievable.
Cartman: I know. It's like a hall pass doesn't even matter to her.
Principal Victoria: Miss Stevenson, I will need to inform the police.
Miss Stevenson: Oh god.
Cartman: You just dealt with the dawg b*tch!

Cartman: Well, looks like once again the Dawg has prevailed. I hope you've learned kids, that if you don't go with Christ, you can end up just like that splattered bitch down on the pavement.
Officer: Hey kid you need to get off the roof now.
Cartman: That's cool. I'm done making my video anyways. (grabs his video camera)

Hotel Receptionist: Can I help you?
Cartman: You see this woman brah? (holds up picture) She's staying here.
Hotel Receptionist: Who are you?
Cartman: (starts singing) I am the Dawg. The big, bad, Dawg!

News Reporter: Tom, an elementary school teacher is under arrest for allegedly having an affair, with one of her young students. The case is shocking, due mostly to the fact that the teacher is pretty hot Tom. If the accusations are true then... damn!

Officer: Some young boy is having sex with Miss Stevenson?
Kyle: Yea.
Officer: Nice.

Kyle: Mom, I think maybe you should talk to Ike about love and sex.
Sheila: Oh, he's much too young bubby.

(Butters singing at the urinal)
Butters: Hey there Mr. Weiner, what do ya know? Do ya have to tinkle tinkle? Yes I do think so!

(When Cartman is told that he has authority)
Cartman: A-authoritah?

Lt. Dawson: Oh, alright we'll make a report.

Mr. Mackey: Now, Eric, being the school hallway monitor is a big responsibility, mkay. It is important that you take the job seriously and that you don't abuse the power.
Cartman: Me??

Kyle: Ike, you need to have a life, have fun, then ruin it by having a serious relationship.

Car dealer: Get out of the car now kid.
Cartman: That's cool. I'm done making my video anyway. *Cartman takes video camera*

Cartman: Bitch, get down! We can do this the easy way, or we can do it Dawg style!

Cartman: Beth, mace that guy, and that guy!

Social Worker: Was there ever a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Miss Stevenson: No, but my Uncle used to ask me and my twin sister to kiss and he'd take pictures.
Social Worker: (pauses) Nice.

Cartman: Oh God! She's using the Mel Gibson defense.

Cartman: You just dealt with the Dawg bitch!

Cartman: What's to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around, stick it inside her and pee.
Kyle: Stick it inside her and pee?
Cartman: Well if you don't wanna get her pregnant you pull it out and pee on her leg.

Lt. Dawson: So what's the crime?
Officer: The crime is… she isn't doing it with me.
(officers laugh)

Miss Stevenson: When we make love, he can give it to me hard or soft and gent… (Kyle interrupts)
Kyle: Alright, we gotta get outta here!

Cartman: Hall pass! Show me your hall pass.
Kid: What?
(Cartman slams the kid against the locker)
Cartman: You know what this is? This is the mace they use on bears faggot! Now let me see your hall pass!
Kid: It's right here.
(pulls out hall pass)
Cartman: All right, cool brah. Go with Christ.
Kid: What, you can't just push me up against tha…
(Cartman kicks the kid, sending him flying off screen.)