Randy's doctor tells him that he's constipated; he hasn't crapped in three weeks. The doctor gives him a laxative and tells him when he does crap its going to be painful. Later in the bathroom, Randy endures the pain and feels much better. When he sees the result of his session, he believes it's the largest crap he's ever seen. He calls Sharon in to see it and she's disgusted, Stan is impressed and Shelly is also disgusted. Randy stands guard while Stan calls to have Uncle Jimbo come over and see it so that when Randy brags about it to all the guys they'll know he's not lying. He brings the guys over from the bar to see his masterpiece. They believe it might be the biggest in the world. He calls Guinness World Records but they choose not to recognize that record. He is directed to call the "European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office" in Zurich, Switzerland. When that organization receives his photo they become very interested, since they estimate his crap weighs over 8.5 Courics. They travel to Colorado and examine the crap. They officially weigh the crap and it weighs 8.6 Courics, making him the new world champion. The representatives need to call the previous record holder and tell him his record has been broken. At a "Humanity Matters Awards" ceremony Bono receives a disturbing phone call. Randy and his family are in Washington, where Randy is going to receive and award for his work, but a videotaped message from Bono is played; Bono claims to have a crap weighing 9.5 Courics. Randy is distraught, realizing that he'll never be better than Bono. Sharon doesn't understand, but Stan does.
His friends try to encourage Randy to try again, his last one was accidental, but if he actually trains to do it… they offer their support and Randy agrees to give Bono "a run for his money". Randy is reported to be spending nearly every waking hour at P.F. Chang's. Bono tells the committee that Randy Marsh is going to have to crap in Zurich for record to be validated. Randy's ultrasound reveals his crap might be as much as 14 Courics. Gerald finds out about the need for the crap to occur in Zurich and Randy's doctor advising him against traveling during his "turd trimester". Stan goes to Bono and tries to appeal to him to just let his dad have this award and when Stan inadvertently calls Bono "number 2", Bono freaks out. When Stan asks Bono's butler what's wrong, the butler warns him that Stan's father is in great danger.
Randy is in Zurich trying to take "quite a crap" in front of everyone. Stan is with the butler on they are on their way to the event. Bono's butler tells him that no one has ever taken that big a crap before. Bono's new record is a lie; Bono's previous record is from 1960, which is the year he was born. Bono's butler says "Bono is not the record holder…" Stan continues "…he's the record." Randy is still trying, but the crap isn't coming. His doctor recommends a caesarian, but Randy will need to crap out the crap, otherwise it isn't really a crap. Randy is distraught again, when Stan arrives on the scene and reveals Bono's secret. The head of the institute reveals that what Stan says is the truth; he took the biggest crap back in 1960 and was so proud of it that he raised it like a child. The child grew to be one of the most influential figures of our time, but he could never settle for being "number 2" and now at over six feet tall and over 80 Courics in weight he is still the record. At least he was, Randy's bowels finally let go and Randy craps is estimated to be over 100 Courics. Randy is presented his long overdue award, an Emmy statue that appeared on screen during this scene citing that this is an EMMY AWARD WINNING SERIES. The statue is stuck into the pile of crap.