Street magician David Blaine is in South Park performing magic tricks and promoting his workshop. The boys are anxious to sign up and learn magic tricks; instead they are pitched on Blaine-tology and are pitched an opportunity to attend a camp, where they can learn so much more. The workshop and camp are actually a front for a cult. The boys find themselves sucked in; only Stan begins to have second thoughts and tries to leave. He tries to get Kyle to leave with him, but Kyle's been sucked in. Stan leaves, but his friendship with Kyle has been ruined.
As Blaine-tologists, Kyle and Cartman go door to door, trying to recruit more members. As an ex-member Stan is being hassled, he goes to seek the help of Jesus. Blaine eats his own head at a performance in Denver, and then Jesus challenges him on stage. Jesus' attempts to match Blaine's magic are primitive at best. He decides he needs to call on his friends, "The Super Best Friends." Meanwhile, back at the camp, Blaine's application for tax-exempt status has been rejected by the government. In retaliation the Blaine-tologists are going to march on Washington, DC and commit a mass suicide.
Stan and Jesus arrive at the Hall of Super Best Friends where Stan meets some of the "Super Best Friends": Moses, Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna, Joseph Smith, Lao Tzu, and Sea Man. Meanwhile, back at camp, Kyle has second thoughts and considers escaping, but Cartman sells him out. Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Super Best Friends, the "Super Best Friends" and Stan detect the movement of the cult towards Washington and the implication if they actually got tax-exempt status; they would actually become a real religion. In Washington, DC, the cult members plan to drown themselves in the reflecting pool, which is only about 6 inches deep.
The "Super Best Friends" and Stan arrive on the scene. Stan looks for Kyle while the "Super Best Friends" take on the cult. Then they must face Blaine himself. Blaine brings the Lincoln Memorial statue to life, forcing the "Super Best Friends" to consult their computer back at base named Moses. Moses recommends that they create a giant stone John Wilkes-Booth to combat Lincoln. Wilkes-Booth shoots Lincoln in the back of the head and Kyle and the other cult members are saved, but when all is said and done, Blaine escapes, promising the "Super Best Friends" that he will be back.
Kenny dies when he successfully commits suicide by drowning himself in the 6 inch deep water of the reflecting pool in Washington DC.