South Park

Season 6 Episode 17

The Biggest Douche in the Universe

1
Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Nov 27, 2002 on Comedy Central

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  • Quotes

    • Stan: Look, my friend Kyle won't fly back home to Colorado. All I need you to do is talk to him and tell him, ya know, that the whole talking to dead people isn't real.
      John Edward: Maybe it is for real.
      Stan: Right, but it's not. It's a trick you do, and I need you to just let my friend Kyle know that so that he can go on with his life.
      John Edward: Look. People have the right to be skeptical. I really hear voices in my head.
      Stan: Yes. We all hear voices in our heads. It's called intuition. Get over yourself and tell my friend it's just for fun.
      John Edward: Look. What I do doesn't hurt anybody. I give people closure and help them cope with life.
      Stan: No, you give them false hope and a belief in something that isn't real.
      John Edward: But I'm a psychic.
      Stan: No dude, your a douche.
      John Edward: I'm not a douche. What if I really believe that dead people talk to me?
      Stan: Then you're a stupid douche.
      John Edward: I think that I have had enough of your bullying me. Get out of my house or I'll run upstairs, lock myself in my panic room, and call the police.
      Stan: I'm 9 years old.
      John Edward: (screaming) I'm not talking to your friend and I'm not a douche. (runs upstairs) You better get out of my house or I'll call the police.
      Stan: You are so a douche. I'm nominating you for the biggest douche in the universe award. You douche.

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