The episode begins when a new student is enrolled in Ms. Garrison's class. He is named Bahir Hassam Abdul Hakeem, a Muslim child whose very presence upsets Cartman to the point that he actually leaves class. Immediately after Ms. Garrison tells Bahir to sit down, Cartman even resorts to asking him whether Bahir has been searched for bombs. Cartman then calls Kyle (who just happened to be at home, sick), on his cell phone, and Cartman asks him to do a web search for Bahir's background by using MySpace. Kyle finds out that Bahir just recently moved from Chicago, and Cartman figures that he may target Hillary Clinton, who is in town for a political rally. Cartman takes this as a terrorist threat, then proceeds to call the CIA, claiming that he will only speak directly to the President.
A short while later, the school is evacuated via a drill and announcement, and Bahir goes with Butters to hang out. As that is happening, the CIA calls Hillary Clinton's convoy to warn them of a possible threat. They decide to continue the rally, and as she is doing so, her security sends out a bomb-sniffing pig, which finds that there is a nuclear device in Hillary Clinton's vagina. This was referred to as a Snuke (a suitcase nuke designed to fit in a woman's "snizz") in Clinton's "snatch". To find the location of the detonator, Cartman "tortures" Bahir's parents by farting in their faces, to talk on the whereabouts of their son. Cartman gets no response from Bahir's father, so he then injects himself with a syringe full of apple juice which he claims give him "super bad farts." But once hearing that Bahir is at Butters' house, Cartman runs off.
While Cartman is attempting to accost Bahir, the Russians abduct both Cartman and Bahir, the former for blurting out the attempt on Mrs. Clinton. While they threaten their prisoners, their conversation reveals that the Russians who placed the snuke are mercenaries who were being paid by Queen Elizabeth II, the purpose being to serve as a distraction while an 18th-century style fleet of British wooden sailing vessels, complete with British redcoats armed with 18th-century weapons (although they carry cell phones to communicate with the Queen), made a surprise attack to "put an end to the American Revolution" (seemingly unwilling to admit that it had already ended). After Kyle, Stan, the FBI, CIA, ATF, and numerous other agencies raid the mercenaries, the Russians warn the federal agents that the detonator is set to go off when the clock reaches 1:00. However, the power goes out and the clock is reset, blinking 12:00 repeatedly once the power comes back on. The various American enforcement agencies continue the attack and foil the British attack plan — very easily, as modern jet aircraft attack the fleet of wooden sailing ships, which can only fight back with gunpowder muskets and cannons. The British fleet is annihilated.
Upon hearing the news of the attack's failure from the fleet's leader, the Queen commits suicide by shooting herself in the mouth, bursting her head open. Back in South Park, Kyle tells everybody that the moral of the experience was that one should not be suspicious of just one race of people, "because actually, most of the world hates [America]." Cartman, however, points out that if he had not suspected Bahir due to his religion he would have never called Kyle, and the actual terrorism plot would not have been solved; thus, he points out, "racism and bigotry saved America." When Bahir's father then announces that he and his family are leaving the country, Cartman also claims credit for "getting rid of the Muslims."