(Stan believes in Scientology)
Scientology President: Wait a minute, whoa, whoa! You don't actually believe this crap, do you? Dummy! Brainwashed alien souls? E-meters and thetan levels? Those people out there buy that crap and I thought you were smart enough to see what was really going on!
Stan: But you said that there were -
Scientology President: What's better than telling people a stupid story and having them believe you? Having them pay you for it, stupid!
Stan: But then, why me? Why do you need me to write something so badly?
Scientology President: Because if those people all think you're the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, then they'll all buy your new writings, and you and I together will make $3,000,000!
Scientology President: That's how the scam works! But this is a scam on a global scale! Do you f(bleep)ing get me now?