The show starts out when Plankton attempts to steal a Krabby Patty. He is then caught and flushed down the toilet by Mr. Krabs. He returns to the Chum Bucket, sulking to his computer wife Karen about his failures. She then suggests to hire an army to help him. He first tries a bar, but the tough guys beat him up. He then realizes he could call his entire family to help. He messages them all to come to the Chum Bucket. Thinking they will all be evil geniuses, he finds out they are all hillbillies; saying "I've been away from home longer that I thought." He then gets them to agree to his plan in exchange for Root Beer. They then attack the Krusty Krab, tying up Mr. Krabs and Squidward in a toilet (SpongeBob is cleaning the bathrooms, totally unaware of the crisis). The Planktons open the safe containing the Krabby Patty secret recipe. Before Plankton reads the recipe, Mr. Krabs pleads him not to read it, saying "There are secrets not meant for mortal eyes!". Plankton reads it anyway. The ingredients turn out to be:
A pinch of salt
3 tsp. of chopped onions
A cup of love
4 lb of ground Plankton
No. 4 causes Plankton to panic, running away. The other Planktons read it and run (except for one, saying he can't read). Mr. Krabs and Squidward manage to escape from the toilet. It is then revealed to SpongeBob (who has finished cleaning the bathrooms) and Squidward that the recipe that Plankton has read is a fake, and the real one is hidden somewhere. Squidward then guesses it is under Mr. Krabs' mattress. Mr. Krabs runs towards his house, yelling "Curse you, Squidward!"
SpongeBob SquarePants is at a diner, late at night. It is a dark and weary day, and the rain is pouring down. A patron is solving a crossword puzzle, and realises he had lost his pen. A waitress says he can borrow hers, and does. SpongeBob says he once lost something more important than a pen. He once lost his identity.
He recounts the events of last Monday. He wakes up, and throwing his blanket into the air, says "Good morning world, and all who inhabit it!" The blanket falls on him and SpongeBob, not being able to see, falls off his bed and his alarm clock falls on top of his head. He falls down the stairs and the alarm propels him into the window. He feeds Gary, and realises that he has been feeding Gary snail food for years and doesn't even know what it tastes like. He tastes a little bit, and is horribly disgusted, and his disgust is even heard at the headquarters of the company that makes Gary's snail food. He looks at the clock and realises that he's late for work, so he quickly gets changed and skips to work.
While he skips to work, he says hello to Patrick Star, says hello to Old Man Jenkins, then places an apple on Mr. Krabs' desk. Then, two guys throw him into the dumpster.
Later, as SpongeBob serves food to a customer, the customer tells him that he should wear a name-tag so that she can thank him in a sophisticated and civil manner. He assures her that he is wearing a name-tag, but then sees nothing but a shirt. He immediately hyperventilates, and tells Squidward that he has lost his name-tag. SpongeBob faints almost immediately. When he wakes up, he asks Squidward what happened. His response is that he fainted because he lost his name-tag. Squidward assures him that his name-tag is not that important, but just as he says that Mr. Krabs informs them that there's a uniform inspection in one hour. Squidward tells SpongeBob that he should retrace his steps.
SpongeBob does, but fails in finding it. Patrick suggests looking in the dumpster, and they go searching there. Patrick finds SpongeBob's name-tag, but it seems to keep disappearing. SpongeBob is confused, but all the mysteries are cleared when Patrick says "At least I don't wear my shirt backwards!" SpongeBob then realizes that he had his name-tag all along, his shirt was just backwards. At the uniform inspection, Mr. Krabs smells SpongeBob and is horribly disgusted. He kicks SpongeBob out of the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob finishes telling his story, and thanks the waitress for listening, calling her "Betty". She says that her name isn't Betty, she just borrowed someone else's uniform while hers is getting cleaned. When SpongeBob learns this, he ends the episode doing a Jack Benny double-take.