Sunday 12:00 AM on Adult SwimIn Season
Episode 2, Season 1
"RUSTY! ... Grape-damn-popsicle, Lil! Looks like we got ourselves a con-i-sewer here! So you want a grape-damn-popsicle, is that it??"
"How 'bout I shove a PINE STICK UP YO' ASS AND MAKE YOU A BOY-SICLE?! How'd you like that mess?!"
Early is such a nurturing paternal figure, haha!
This is one you have to see the episode to get, but I will try and explain. Krystal one like 3 trillion bucks in the lottery, and spent it all on more lottery tickets.
Rusty: Hey Moma, look, we won three dollars.
Hey LionOfLegend, thats my 2nd favorite episode. I play Guitar Hero, World tour & I named my band "THE TRICKY 2" my fav is "SCHOOL DAYS, FOOL DAYS"
Early: Rusty, These here are Rocks...These here are rocks you get hit wit! (hits Rusty in face with the rock) Now, on to History. What just happened?
Rusty: Uhh I dunno
Early: Well hell, me neither!
The ballad of Early Cuyler "I bought her lotsa pinecone liquer for chuggin, I gave her 8 strong arms worth of huggin,2 Hearts in Love we would frollic in the sand, she cupped me up in her meaty hands.I was walkin tall my backbone straight, that ain't easy for invertabrates,but the tide would turn, I met my match & I got burned! Ohh yes I cut her from my heart like a big loud stankin fart, to her I shall not return, I met my match & I got burned.
I reckon I'd be typin' all naight 'f ise ta be namen' 'em all, but heers three a mah favrits from the pahlot:
Early: Oh. Oh. Hey. Uh, scuse me. Uh, you reckon you could, uh, give me permishun to date your punkin?
Krystal to Early: NO! Hu, uh. Hu, uh. Ya'all ain't gonna touch my front butt less I get one a them spo' - sport radio things with the ear-buds, and the auto-reeverse. I can't be joggin' and flippin' tape an drink my sip.
Granny to Rusty: When I was little, we didn't haive faincy ketsup. We just had ketsup. We used to make it out in the back out of possum tails. Only we just called it blood.
From the Appalachian Mud Squid:
Early: "We cant all be men rusty somebody has to be the loser."
Granny: "The only race she otta be runnin is the race to start a litter of youngins."
#1. Howdy doody, Donna. Nice ass this mornin.
#2. Well, la dee damn da.
#3. It's on like michelle kwan!
#4. Oh, the tv-lookie ..with the rasslin' in there?
#5. I got a homemade pipe bomb! Chock full of nails! Gonna take down the government!
#6. Well, y'all need me, I'll be putting pictures of my ass on the internet.
Granny: When Jesus was president he ate babies all the time.
Narrator: Nothing binds a father and a son more closely than the truth behind the decapitated hooker in the rec room.
Sheriff: You passed, boy!
Rusty: I did? I did! Hell, yeah! I'm a high school congraduate.
Earlie Cuyler: Graduations, Rusty.
Rusty: Ain't nuthin gonna stop me now but my innate inabilitree to progress cognatious thunk.
Lil: Well, y'all need me, I'll be putting pictures of my ass on the internet.
Earlie Cuyler: She was my dream, my muse. A vision suitable for the wide-screen format. I can still taste her fist against my face. The sweet sugary sweat from a lifetime of diabetes. A heartbeat you could hear from six blocks away. One big pump every hour.
Dan Halen: Erupt into a Bev-Rage this summer with "Glug"! That's the slogan. We'll add the word "Dawg" for the blacks. They like that word, like they're friends with the product.
Earlie Cuyler: I love you. I'll find you! I will kill you.
"Earlie Cuyler: Dear lord... please allow this dangerous combination of hair spary, bat slobber, and D.O.T. four automatic transmission fluid to excite my mind, occupy my spirits, and enrage my body, provoking me to kick any man or woman in the back of the head regardless of what he or she has or has not done unto me. All my Best, Earlie Cuyler.
Granny: Seems to me if you bought your Sunday beer on Saturday night, this becomes a complete non-issue.
Earlie Cuyler: ...Inconvenient"