Squidbillies Season 1 Episode 2

Dan Halen: I think what most impresses me, Early, is the effort and detail which you've clearly shown in urinating on my laptop.
Early: I don't care to consort with those of the robot race.
Dan Halen: ...and why would you? I think that covers it. Early, welcome to Dan Halen Sheetrock, International.

Early: I do appreciate the generous offer, but knife here is the tool of the idiot. I listen to my gut and my gut tells me this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work, and gut's a damn moron. So they get to carryin' on and then my brain chimes in saying I got to try my hand at the fast sex paced world of adult literature.
Sheriff: Hey Early, this here's a four-figure opportunity. You sure you don't want to sleep on it?
Early: You wanna sleep forever? I said Adult Literature!

Early: Where do I see myself in five beers?
Sheriff: Years.
Early: Uhh, I don't know. Jail?

Dan Halen: The point is people are dumb, not like you.

Early: Is my. Is my mind goin on me or am I watching you jibber jabber like some sort of jibberty box.

Early:(Starts pushing Dan Halen) Jibber Jabber on! Jibber Jabber on!

Early: If you don't look like me you can go hang from a tree.