Stargate Atlantis Season 1 Episode 17

Ford: You talked for an hour?
McKay: You see, I found it rather therapeutic, actually. Now, I'm fairly confident I've come up with several valuable insights -- in fact, I'm sure of it -- but, uh, I've only slept six hours in the last few days, so, um ...
Ford: Who's it for?
McKay: Humanity in general; my sister ... Look, I don't expect you to cut it down to just a few minutes. I mean, there is gold in here -- so just make sure mine's last and that way, if it gets cut off, fine, but if the Gate holds the connection a few extra milliseconds, then we won't have wasted the time.

Zelenka: (long speech in Czech, with hand motions, obviously describing the rising of Atlantis from the ocean floor)
Ford: You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?
Zelenka: Security clearance?

Weir: It must be, in order to fit all that data into one point three seconds.
McKay: Point three seconds, actually.
Weir: We have a whole extra second to fill?!
McKay: Mmm. A whole extra one, yes.

Weir: Recommendations?
Beckett: Other than panic?
Weir: Other than panic.

McKay: No, no, no! You don't do that - unless you are deliberately trying to blow us up - in which case, excellent work!

Sheppard: What else do you want from me?
Teyla: Too much I fear.

Sheppard: This is hard to sit and watch.
Teyla: There is nothing we can do.
Sheppard: We can do a lot. It'll just be the last thing we ever do.

Teyla: Earlier today Lieutenant Ford suggested we steal from a community of children.
Sheppard: That's because they have a ZPM and we can bring them back.
Teyla: Only to face death in Atlantis!
Sheppard: Look, Ford and I are military, and spent a lot of our lives learning how to survive.
Teyla: I've spent my life survivng the Wraith.
Sheppard: Part of that training is knowing who you can save and who you can't.
Teyla: And that decision is yours alone?

Ford: That's it?
Bates: What else am I going to say to the kid?
Ford: It's your little brother, Sargent.
Bates: I'm probably never gonna see him again, why make it worse than it has to be?
Ford: That's not what this is about, man.
Bates: That's exactly what this is about. Don't sweat it, Lieutenant, I'm happy I got the chance to say goodbye.
Ford: Yeah, but you didn't say it.
Bates: Not in so many words.

Ford: Okay recording, plenty of battery... why am I not seeing anything? (takes off lens cap) Stupid!

Teyla: If someone close to your family, a dear friend was in danger of being taken by the Wraith, would you have not done the same?
Sheppard: Not if it jeopardized the mission.
Teyla: So in fighting the Wraith we are to give up that which makes us different from them.

Weir: Even so, those ships are light years away, how do you expect to reach them in a Puddle Jumper?
Sheppard: We'll fly to a Stargate on route that Zelenka thinks they're going to drop out of hyperspace near and we watch them pass by.
Weir: That's good.
Sheppard: I have my moments.

Weir: We have a responsibilty to report what we've learned here. About Atlantis, about the Ancients...
Sheppard: ...the Wraith.
Weir: Exactly. We have to warn Earth.
Sheppard: Even if it's the last thing we do?
Weir: Especially if it's the last thing we do.

McKay: Where was I...oh, yes. Leadership...

Ford: You know what? How 'bout I leave the room and let you record your whining in private?
Kavanagh: Fine.

Ford: I could tell my grandma what I've been up to all this time.
Weir: Well, if your grandmother had security clearance, yes, you could.

Beckett: What shall I say?
Ford: Uh, uh, "I miss you?" "I wish you were here?"
Beckett: I wish who was here?
Ford: I don't know. Who do you wish was here?
Beckett: Nobody! I wish I wasn't bloody here!

Beckett: Hullo, Mum! I hope this message finds you well. I trust your petunias are in full bloom by now. Oh, and I do hope you're keeping up with the ointment I gave you. If you've adhered to the regime, the fungus should have cleared up by now.
(Ford grimaces)
Beckett: What's wrong?
Ford: Dude, fungus?!?
Beckett: On her toenails! I thought you said no one would watch this except my family?
Ford: Yeah, but, but...fungus?!

Beckett: And if there's one thing I've discovered about we Earthlings, we're a scrappy bunch. I wouldn't be surprised if I bring back...
Ford: Doc, you can't say "Earthlings"! Your mother doesn't have security clearance.
Beckett: She knows I'm from Earth, son; it's not a bloody secret!
Ford: Oh, right.

Walter: Receiving transmission... who's it from?
Carter: Atlantis...

McKay(making his first tape): This is Doctor Rodney McKay speaking to you from my base of operations in the lost city of Atlantis, located deep (gestures dramatically) within the Pegasus galaxy. I record this message on the eve of our darkest hour. As I speak, an alien armada of biblical proportions is on its way, bent... dare I say hellbent – in keeping with the metaphor – on our destruction. We will do our best to stave off their attack but I am afraid that defeat is all but inevitable. I, and the other members of my team, face the most horrific deaths imaginable, as our very lives are sucked from our chests in a, in a, horrific...okay, uh, starting again, starting again. Uh, Ford, just, just, cut that, alright?

Miko(describing McKay): He's a very honorable and brave man.
(in a flashback)
McKay: Oh! Ah! Ah! Okay, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow!

McKay: I once caught mono kissing a girl in Algebra Club. Missed an entire month of school. Still, the kiss was, uh, something, so it was, uh, probably worth it. April Bingham – cute blonde! God – you see, I love blondes, especially with the, uh, the short hair. Mmm. Samantha Carter – if you're watching, the torch is still burning – sadly, soon to be extinguished, but, uh...You know, you should know – I think you are just...so...well, you're great – you're really, really great, and, uh, I would go so far as saying you're the hottest scientist I've ever worked with. In fact, there's probably not a night that goes by that I don't, uh, find myself, uh...okay, Ford, let's, let's lose that.

Weir: In the off chance you get the idea to take the Wraith ships on yourself, Major, I am hereby ordering you not to.
Sheppard: Believe me you don't have to.
Weir: Still...
Sheppard: 'Don't take on an alien armada single-handedly'... Understood.