(Ian and Henry are on the phone)
Ian: (To Henry about Tess) Tell her she can kiss my a**!!
Henry: (To Tess) Ian sends kisses.
Tess: We'd all gather around the piano and sing "Let it Snow." And you know what? It always did.
Ian: How could it snow every single Christmas?
Tess: Daddy rented a machine.
Tess: In kindergarten they asked us to draw pictures of our families and mine looked like a Benneton ad.
Henry: Tess's mom has a strict rule that we can't do anything on Christmas day that Jesus didn't do. Apparently Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis and hit on the caterer.
Tess: Ian, what is this?
Tess: Chili? People want a white Christmas, not a white trash Christmas.
Music: "Let It Snow" (traditional), performed by the cast