Lauren: Okay, I got the gummy fish, you got the fudge, and we got peanut brittle for Mom, but we dropped it in the parking lot so you ate it.
Bill: That is what I would do! And your mother says we don't know each other.
Lauren: (storming up stairs) This house is like a prison!
Bill: This house is not like a prison. (to Judy) Although there was a time when you'd have sex with me for a pack of cigarettes.
Linda: [Our father] never did anything with me.
Judy: Sure he did! I remember him taking you out every Saturday.
Linda: To physical therapy to get my duck-feet straightened.
Judy: Well, he was there to support you.
Linda: Judy, he'd drop me off and go to a bar and then quack at me on the ride home.
Judy: (sees brown stain on seat of wedding dress) Oh, my God, what is that?!
Brian: I think it's chocolate pudding, but you know what it kind of looks like?
Judy: I know what it looks like! Aunt Linda has this crazy notion that I'm jealous. She's never gonna believe this was an accident.
Brian: She might believe you had an accident.
Brian: You had grass stains on your wedding dress? You two are disgusting.
Judy: Oh, please, your father and I aren't animals. I just got really drunk at the reception and fell down a bunch of times.
Brian: (sarcastic) Sorry, milady.
Bill: You took our beautiful lie and turned it into something ugly.
Judy: I'll just go to Dr. Gerber's rag-time thing on my own.
Bill: Or maybe you could take Brian.
Judy: Ooh, good idea. He likes things that suck.