Brian: I hurt my shoulder in gym class.
Fitz: What were you playing?
Brian: Apparently, a game called 'Pile on Brian 'Cause He Asked the Teacher for a Pop Quiz.'
Brian: What's this?
Bill: This is your gazpacho. You remember what goes on top?
Brian: Yeah, ground pepper.
Bill: Cracked pepper!
Brian: What's the difference?
Bill: Why don't you just eat something off the floor?!
Linda: I can't even think about dating a guy who ties one of those sweaters around his shoulders.
Judy: I'm with ya on that one. You just wanna yank the sleeves and choke them.
Judy: I need a more manly apron so I can have sex with my husband again!
Clerk: You're asking a lot from an apron, lady.
Judy: (yelling to the kids) Come on in kids, dad took care of dinner!
Tina: Yay, pizza!
Judy: No, he made a meal.
Tina: Yay, frozen pizza!
Bill: What's for dinner?
Judy: You know what we had last night? Cream of that.
Judy: What's that dinging sound? Why's it smell like garlic toast in here?
Bill: Dinging sound, smell of toast--sounds like someone's having a stroke.
(Judy pulls back shower curtain)
Judy: What's the toaster oven doing in the shower?
Bill: (hesitant) Getting ready for work.
Judy: I do everything around here: I buy the food; I cook the food; and sometimes, if I'm very quick, I even get to eat the food.
Bill: (to the kids) Looks like your mother officially reached her limit. Now who had her cracking after seven days?
Tina: I did! Pay up.
CBS repeated this episode on Monday, March 14, 2005 at 8:00 PM.
Judy tells Bill he's become "Chef Boyaryougirly," a play on canned pasta brand Chef Boyardee.
Bill tells Fitz he learned to cook by watching Debbie Does Dinner, but was disappointed to learn that "Debbie was 72, and 'dinner' was dinner." This is a play off the title of Jim Clark's 1978 adult film Debbie Does Dallas.