Hoop: (to Stroker, over the phone) I wouldn't go to Chicken Finger Fiesta.
Stroker: Why not?
Hoop: Ron Howard made me take a dump on their buffet.
C.A.R.R: (playing poker with his computer) Ha ha, three jacks. Beat that.
C.A.R.R: Hey, "flush," my ass! You cheat, the computer cheats!
Accountant: (sliding briefcase over) $10,000 now, another ten to be paid upon completion.
Stroker: Mr. Nessbaum, it has been a pleasure. Hoop, let's go. (Takes briefcase, grabbed immediately by the accountant. They both pull during the following exchange)
Accountant: Whoa, where do you think you're going with that?
Stroker: It's my money.
Accountant: Yes, but it's not your briefcase.
Stroker: Yes, but the briefcase is part of the deal; it's understood.
Accountant: Don't tell me about the deal, I'm an accountant and the deal was $10,000, not $10,000 and a briefcase.
Stroker: But I need the briefcase.
Accountant: No, I'm an accountant, I need the briefcase. What does a detective need with a briefcase?
Stroker (letting go) To carry the money. (Opens it and takes out some money) Here, I'll buy the case.
Accountant: No deal, it was a Father's Day gift.
Stroker: (resignedly stuffing the rest of the money into his pocket) All right, fine ... jackass. What are these, fives? You couldn't get me a stack of hundreds?
Accountant: I thought you'd appreciate not having to make change.
Stroker: Hoop, help me out; and the amount you carry does not represent your cut.
Hoop: Maybe you should wear that fanny pack I got you for Christmas.
Benny: (on his aluminum foil hat) It's my secret weapon against Ron. Always use the freezer-grade stuff, and make sure to put the shiny side out.
C.A.R.R: What the hell?
Hoop: Our livers were stolen!
C.A.R.R: I knew something was up last night.
Hoop: Why, what were the girls doing that was strange?
C.A.R.R: Hookin' up with you two. I calculate they were 9's -- you guys usually worked the 3 - 6 territory.
Stroker: (searching the seat while he's driving) Where the hell's the fake coplight?!
C.A.R.R: No! No, not the fake coplight!
Stroker: Couldn't you tell we were drugged? (finds the light and puts in on the roof) Why the hell didn't you do anything?!
C.A.R.R: I was distracted. One of the girls wasn't wearing panties, I had to turn off camera 4.
Ron Howard: Hey Jenny.
Jenny: Hey Ron, Here are your messages. Someone from the Stroker & Hoop Investigative Team called and ask you to stop controlling his clients mind.
Ron Howard: Ya, I'll tell ya. They really come out of the woodwork don't they Jenny.
Jenny: They sure do Ron.
Ron Howard: What a crazy town.
Films referenced in this episode:
Willow, Backdraft, Far and Away, When Harry Met Sally