Supernatural Season 3 Episode 8

Dean: What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.
Sam: Whose childhood are you talking about?
Dean: Oh, come on, Sam.
Sam: No, just... no.
Dean: All right, Grinch.

Young Sam: But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.
Young Dean: That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. But, yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real.
Young Sam: Is Santa real?
Young Dean: No.

Dean: So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother?

(Dean to shop owner)
Dean: We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night, and he hasn't shut up about this Christmas wreath. I don't know. (Looks over to Sam) You tell him.
Sam: Sure. (Sam pauses to look at shop owner) It was yummy.

Sam: Yeah. It's pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door, saying "Come kill us."
Dean: Great.

Santa's Elf: Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa?
Dean: Um, no. But actually, uh, my brother here, it's been a life long dream of his.
(Sam gives confused look)
Santa's Elf: I'm sorry, no kids over 12.
Sam: He's just kidding. We only came here to watch.
(Dean smirks and shakes his head)
Santa's Elf: Ewww.

(Sam chuckles)
Dean: What?
Sam: Nothing. It's just that, well you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas, might have to blow away Santa.

Sam: He punishes the wicked.
Dean: By hauling their asses up the chimney.
Sam: For starters, yeah.

Dean: So was I right, was it the serial killing chimney-sweep?
Sam: Yep. It's uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.
Dean: Who?
Sam: Mary Poppins.
Dean: Who's that?
Sam: Oh, come on. Never mind.

Dean: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?
Sam: Actually I have an idea.
Dean: Yeah?
Sam: It's a, it's gonna sound crazy.
Dean: What could you possibly say that's gonna sound crazy to me?
Sam: Um, Evil Santa.
Dean: Yeah, that's crazy.

(brothers wake tied to chairs)
Sam: Dean, you okay?
Dean: Yeah, I think so.
Sam: So I guess we're dealing with "Mr. and Mrs. God," nice to know.

Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?
Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.

Dean: Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.

Dean: Sam, why are you the boy that hates Christmas?

Dean: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
Sam: No, Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the Winter Solstice Festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the Yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of Pagan worship.
Dean: How do you know that? You gonna tell me next...the Easter Bunny's Jewish?

Young Dean: First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero.
Young Sam: He is?
Young Dean: Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now.

Dean: She gave them to you for free? Do you sell them for free?
Shopkeeper: No way. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for them.
Dean: That's the spirit.

Dean: (holding up Sam's presents) Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby!

Dean: You fudge'n touch me again, I'll fudge'n kill you!

Sam: I don't get it. You haven't talked about Christmas for years.
Dean: Well, yeah. But this is my last year.
Sam: I know. That's why I can't.
Dean: What do you mean?
Sam: I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas, you'll be dead. I just can't.

Sam: (getting off the phone with Bobby) Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.
Dean: What'd Bobby say?
Sam: Uh, that we're morons.

Sam: Look, Dean. If you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don't involve me.
Dean: Oh, yeah. That'd be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds.