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Supernatural S09E16: "Blade Runners"

This was such a weird episode—and a kind of boring one, too, but mostly weird with a totally squandered Men of Letters story, Sam being the actual freaking dumbest hunter ever, aaaand Snooki. I'm actually past the hating-on-Jersey-Shore-out-of-principle phase, so I'll say this: No, she couldn't act, but she was only in the episode for like, 30 seconds tops. It was a cute, if overdone, joke, but it's over now and we survived and as far as reasons why "Blade Runners" was kind of awful are concerned, Snooki's appearance is low on my list. 

So let's talk about the more valid reasons for "Blade Runners" being a general disappointment except for the actual First Blade stuff (me gusta). The episode started out promising enough. Crowley's post-trials blood addiction caught up to him, and after the trail of the First Blade got too muddled for him to bother with, he shacked up with a demon lackey and basically spent the next few weeks getting high and getting laid. Unfortunately, Lola was working for Abbadon, totes told her ginger queen about the First Blade, and OMG if Dean was eager to behead her before, the fact that she keyed Baby is so not helping her case. 

It was pretty much all downhill from Lola's betrayal. Crowley's douchey antics went from amusing to annoying surprisingly quick, and when disgraced Man of Letters Cuthbert (yeah, I'd start going by Magnus, too) decided to add Dean to his magical menagerie of supernatural pets, it was practically a Three (two?) Stooges film watching those two bumble their way into a rescue. Crowley is the king of hell, for cryin' out loud! He's conniving and brilliant and capable. Even when he was borderline human again in Season Gr8's finale, he was still smart, he was just emotional, even hopped up on people blood. Speaking of which, Supernatural, really needs some new substances for people to get buzzed on. Maybe Sam's demon blood thing was slightly easier to stomach because he was typically ripping out throats and being very savage and monstrous about it—which was that entire storyline's point—but Crowley's methodical shooting-up method just skeeves me out. However, I'm now curious as to whether all types of blood on Supernatural are mind-altering in some way, and if so, why isn't there some secret underground market for that? The things this show makes me think.

Sam, meanwhile... also super smart. Remember that time he went to Stanford? It's only been a huge part of his character history since, IDK, the beginning of the series. Hey, and remember that time Sam was raised as a hunter and probably freaking knows better than to openly mention, "Hey Dean, it's time to kill Crowley" when Crowley is standing right there?

At least the dang devil's trap in the trunk held. At least that much of the show's own canon was respected. I mean, we're not talking about minuscule details from six seasons ago; we're talking about things that have been constants throughout the series' entire run (Sam and Dean Winchester are smart, dammit!) and things that happened half-a-season ago. 

But enough about what was sucky. Here's some good news: The First Blade turns Dean into a bloodthirsty killa and it's going to be awesome when he inevitably loses control and you know he's going to get at least one episode to himself to go all Deano the Homicidal Maniac before the guilt-trip sinks in and the brothers finally reconcile for real-real after Dean realizes that hey, not being in control of your own body kind of sucks. Forcing possession on somebody—even to save their life (which they might not want saved, BTW)—is kind of a crappy thing to do. 

And in the meantime, BLOODLUST DEAN YESSSS. I'm still holding out for Abbadon-possessed-Dean, which I'd love to see at some point this season even though that possibility seems to be diminishing, but I'll totally take Mark of Cain Dean. I'm just giddy at the idea of Jensen Ackles getting to play an alternate version of Dean. I've said it before, and a dozen other people across the interwebs have pointed it out, but Jared Padalecki has (flawlessly) played so many different versions of Sam that even the most encyclopedic of Supernatural fans would probably be at least momentarily challenged, to name them all. It's Ackles' turn to play a Dean with a twist, and even though "Blade Runners" was mostly a giant disappointment, it gets brownie points for giving us a taste of Dean Winchester on the First Blade juice. 


– Dumb Winchester Sighting: like half the freaking episode.

– Crowley has Dean programmed in his cell phone as "Not Moose." Love it. 

– However, what was with all the googly eyed nostalgia and weird crushing on Sam from Crowley this week (you know, more than his usual Sam obsession)? Was that because it was originally Sam's blood he was strung out on? 

– I loved the way Magnus so effortlessly fought off Dean and Sam with his spells. I'd really like to see more spellwork incorporated into their hunting. It makes sense and it seems like the sort of thing that Sam, in particular, would get into. 

– I saw a comic floating around the internet that pointed out how Crowley was looking for the First Blade in the ocean, and oceans are full of salt water, and demons + salt tend to not end well... and now I can't stop trying to rationalize how that worked out. Any thoughts? 

What'd you think of "First Blade"?

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