the boys continue to unravel
9.5
After seeing Bobby broken after killing his wife a second time, the angels continue to hammer the boys into an endless emotional breakdown. Not even the ultimate paradise of Heaven can bring the poor boys any peace. After being murdered by two old friends blaming them for the Apocalypse, the boys find themselves in Heaven, only instead of pearly gates and endless rays of golden light, they relive their "greatest hit collections" of best memories. However, they're instructed by Castiel to find Joshua, the angel who communicates with God, to find God's whereabouts. All they have to do is avoid Zachariah and flunkees. No biggie. And what would a trip be without the return of some old friends.
Dean's version of heaven is all the good times he shared with his family, the time he and Sam used fireworks at the park, the time where he had to comfort his mom when she and John were fighting, etc. Dean has always cared about family first, it only makes sense his heaven emulates that.
Sam's heaven on the other hand, is the memories where he was either sharing Thanksgiving with another family or on his own, emulating his continuous desire to be independent, to break away from the hold John had on him. Sam doesn't have any memories of the time where his family was complete, those are all Dean's. It must have hurt him so bad that in Dean's memory, he couldn't communicate with Mary because it wasn't His memory. He doesn't remember Mary cutting the crusts off his sandwiches. He doesn't have a memory of his parents reading him a bedtime story. Throughout his life, he's continually chased his ideal family, his ideal life that eluded him, ideals that could never be met no matter how hard he tried. Seeing Sam's version of Heaven wounds Dean. He's always tried to be the perfect brother, the perfect son, and John never returned that affection and Sam, Sam ran out the minute he had the chance. Sam didn't mean to ever hurt Dean and Dean knows this but it proves that Sam didn't even consider Dean's feelings. It reinforces Dean's fear that he's not even good enough for his own family, a fear Zachariah gleefully digs in later.
Heaven-So the human part of Heaven is a collection of everyone's personal memories and experiences collected together like Disneyworld amusement rides. Everybody usually stays in their own worlds of their choosing. Though look up at the sky, and it's a very beautifully (but slightly 70s LSD) purple sky with dust, stars, and a fat full moon swirling together. The real side of Heaven is what no one ever sees because it is a lot like the Matrix. The true visage of Heaven is too overwhelming for humans to process. So too is the angels' true forms even in the afterlife. The angels run the show, spurring Apocalypse, while the humans exist complacently, isolated, stuck in recreations of the past. For a supposed Paradise, this depiction of Heaven is pretty gloomy. Hell's endless torment, Earth's full of death, drugs, misogyny, and chaos, and Heaven's the Matrix. What do we have to look forward to in the Supernatural world? Ash is back!!!-While being chased around by Zachariah, Ash comes in and saves the boys. He hasn't changed at all. Except now he lives his days in Heaven to the fullest, doing everything he can, sampling everybody's personal heaven, listening to angel chats via computer radio waves, and drinking "alcohol-free" beer. Ash bears no ill will towards the brothers, thankfully. Sam and Dean get him caught up on current events (Ellen and Jo) and Ash also reacquaints the brothers with Pam.
Pam too is loving Paradise or her version of it. And why not? She can see again. She muses that maybe the Apocalypse isn't so bad, because people can come here, they can be truly happy, refusing to believe Dean when he says this Paradise is actually a prison. She wears Dean down from his already low funk and makes him believe saying yes to Michael wouldn't be so bad. Before he and Sam leaves, she samples a kiss, and to her, it's perfect.
Zachariah proves he's an bigger d!ck than previously realized. He stalks the boys in a "forest" like a predator chasing its hunt. He turns Dean's memory of his mother into a monstrous apparition, preying on Dean's fears that he wasn't ever good enough for his family, that Mary never loved him, that even Sam left him when he had the chance. Zachariah is a little too fond of "Mary" and it's nastily implied they do. . .well, you know. And why is he such a big d!ck to the brothers? Because they make him look bad. Because a powerful cherubim such as himself can't handle two obnoxious humans. He'll restore them to their bodies but only after he has a little fun. Luckily, he's interrupted by Joshua, who says he'd like a word with the boys. Joshua also proves to be probably the nicest angel the boys have ever encountered besides the creepy love-dovey emotional roller coaster that was Cupid and Castiel of course. Joshua resides in the garden which might be Eden but to the boys, it's a planetarium. Joshua unfortunately proves to be no help and further beats the boys' dwindling faiths by telling them God's role in this. God is alive. He's somewhere on Earth. He saved the boys and resurrected Castiel. He forgave Sam for what he did and allowed Sam to come to Heaven. But his involvement ends there. He won't stop the Apocalypse. Why? Joshua can't provide a good answer. He does root for the boys to win but he also won't get involved. He sends the boys back to their bodies, emotionally defeated. Castiel takes the news about God pretty hard. This is his Father, a father that won't come to his aid, a father that won't show. Castiel leaves, defeated and broken as the brothers, throwing Dean his amulet. Even Castiel has given up. Sam tries to provide optimism, he still wants to fight, assuring Dean they will find a way to end this their way, all the way. Dean, however, finally gives up. His last lifeline is gone. He saw and heard what his family "really felt about him". Everything he fought for, everything he is, was left shattered up in Heaven. He leaves the room, dumping the amulet into the trash. When he threw it in the trash, my heart broke a little. What does that mean? I'm not sure exactly. It could signify Dean's destroyed faith. But more importantly, I think it signifies his broken faith in his brother. The boys are splitting apart again, they're moving further away from each other just when they regained each other's trust. It seems the Funpocalypse of Season Five Part One has ended. We are now getting into dark, dark territory with friends and family connections unraveling, hope is being destroyed, God won't help, and there's not even a proper paradise to look forward to when everything's done. Pretty depressing stuff. The stakes are high and even though I know the boys will pull in the end like they always do, I wonder how much they more they can take. I wonder just how they can pull through. Intense. Next episode doesn't look to be any less dark, with a daughter of a preacher turning the town against itself. Wow. I'm stilling rooting for the boys, we'll see how they'll win.