Tales from the Crypt (1996) Season 5 Episode 1

[Opening wraparound segment with the Crypt Keeper dressed as a Home Chopping Network host and selling a designer hanger and female death care products.]
The Crypt Keeper: I'm sorry kiddies, it appears our designer hanger offer has expired. Will somebody please get Mr. Delarenta out of here? [the man's rope is cut; he falls] Next up on the Home Chopping Network, it's time for the Crypt Keeper's fashion boo-tique. Today we're featuring my full line of appre-v Deathcare products. We've got everything from face scream to mas-scare-a. Try some! It's the best thing you can do for demise. [laughs] Or maybe I can interest you in tonight's special. It's a tasteless tidbit about a travelling cemetary plant salesman who's about to make a grave mistake. I call it, "Death of Some Salesmen".

[Closing wraparound segment with the Crypt Keeper sitting in front of a cash register and cutting vegetables with the Crypt Keeper slash-o-matic knife.]
The Crypt Keeper: Good old Judd. Just another satisfied ghost-omer. [laughs] I guess it's true what they say: the family that slays together, stays together. [laughs] We come now to one of my favorite items. The Amazing Crypt Keeper Slash-O-Matic! It's more than just a knife, it peels, it cuts, makes fabulous french fries, it slices, it dices, it...[cuts off fingers with the knife] Ohh...