Tales from the Crypt (1996)

Season 6 Episode 8

The Assassin

Aired Unknown Dec 07, 1994 on HBO
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Episode Summary


A group of operatives invade the home of a housewife in search of her husband whom they believe is an AWOL CIA assassin.

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

  • QUOTES (6)

    • [Opening wraparound segment with the Crypt Keeper getting a visit from the Grim Reaper.]
      The Grim Reaper: So, then I was over in India, you know, and I whipped up this little monsoon. Man, I must've reaped hundreds that day. Hundreds, just like that.
      The Cryptkeeper: Really?
      The Grim Reaper: Oh yes. Oh yes. Of course, normally I prefer to take souls one at a time, one at a time, but you know, I had taken some vacation days and it was the end of the month, and, so, you know how it goes. Oh! By the way, did I mention that I was in Europe? There was an Elvis sighting there, so I figured I'd check it out, but it was just a fat guy in a sequin suit. I took him anyway.
      The Cryptkeeper: [to himself] Is this guy boring or what? All he ever talks about is himself! I gotta remember that the next time he comes to town and wants to get together.[aloud] Oh really? That's very interesting".
      The Grim Reaper: Yes, I thought so too. But enough about me. I want to tell you why I'm here.
      The Crypt Keeper: [to himself]: I know why you're here, to eat my food and drink my liquor. [aloud] More champagne?
      The Grim Reaper: Why sure, thanks. Who are you saving the good stuff for? You know, you and I have been friends for a long time, and much as I enjoy these little visits, it seems to me that this tomb is not quite big enough for the both of us.
      The Crypt Keeper: What's that supposed to mean?
      The Grim Reaper: I want to propose a contest between you and me. Winner take all.
      The Crypt Keeper: And the loser?
      The Grim Reaper: [smiles and chuckles]
      The Crypt Keeper: You're on, pal![both get set][ One.
      The Grim Reaper: Two..[both pause, show hands.]
      The Grim Reaper: My rock beats your scissors![laughs]
      The Crypt Keeper: Damn!
      The Grim Reaper: Give me your hand.[Crypt Keeper places hand on table, Grim Reaper raises cleaver]
      The Crypt Keeper: Well, kiddies, it looks like your pal the Crypt Keeper is in the fright of his life...uh Death. Which is kind of like the woman in tonight's terror tale. Its a nasty little chopping spree I call...
      The Grim Reaper: [brings down cleaver] CHOP!
      The Crypt Keeper: ew..."The Assassin". That didn't hurt one bit.
      The Grim Reaper: Second Round?
      The Crypt Keeper: Go for it!

      [Closing wraparound segment with the conclusion of the Crypt Keeper's contest with the Grim Reaper.]
      The Crypt Keeper: One, two, three! [both show hands]
      The Grim Reaper: Damn"!
      The Crypt Keeper: [grabs cleaver] That Janet, she must be a hell of a cook. I don't know about you kiddies, but I found Simone pretty hard to swallow. [laughs] Personally, I wouldn't have made them into a stew. I think creeps suzette would have been much more appropriate. Ready? [laughs, brings down cleaver and cuts off Reaper's hand] Well, looks like I won.
      The Grim Reaper: Hey, what are you talking about? I am still here! Let's play again. Come on! Double or nothing! [shown to be nothing but a head]
      The Crypt Keeper: Take my advice pal. Quit while you're a head! [laughs]

    • Simone: Who are you?
      Janet: I'm your worst nightmare. A woman with balls.
      Simone: You don't have balls, lady. You don't know the first thing about them. I've disemboweled a man, while he was screwing me. That Took balls.

    • Janet: I'd like them both to leave in a two-ply garbage bag.
      William: Mmmm. Drawstring or twistie-top?
      Janet: Whichever.

    • Janet: But what about sex, Todd?
      Todd: Well, what about it? I mean, you know, personally speaking, I think it's uh, you know, a lot of hard work to smell somebody's bad breath, personally, but that's just me.

    • Janet: I haven't done anything, please!
      Simone: Chalk it up to being born helpless and pretty.

    • Todd: Women are always bleeding on the furniture.

  • NOTES (7)


    • Showdown

      Season four episode of Tales From The Crypt about a remorseless gunslinger who begins to be haunted by the spirits of all his past victims.

      In this episode, during the opening wraparound segment, before the Crypt Keeper engages in a "chop rock, paper, scissor" contest with the Grim Reaper for control of the crypt, the Reaper says the line, "this tomb is not quite big enough for the both of us". That line is also somewhat used by the Crypt Keeper in "Showdown", during the opening wraparound segment, when the Crypt Keeper is in the gunfight showdown with the skeleton.

    • The George Burns And Gracie Allen Show

      Popular sitcom which aired on CBS from 1950-1958 and starred real life husband and wife, George Burns and Gracie Allen. At the end of every episode, Burns would tell his wife to "Say Goodnight, Gracie." Her response was "Goodnight".

      Before tasering Janet, Todd says the line, "Say Goodnight, Gracie".

    • Cutting Cards

      Season two episode of Tales From The Crypt in which two rival high stakes gamblers face off against one another in deadly games of 'Russian Roulette' and 'Chop Poker'.

      The wraparound segments being a game of chop rock, paper, scissors between the Crypt keeper and the Grim Reaper could be seen as somewhat of a nod to the plot of "Cutting Cards" and its game of chop poker.

    • Bill And Ted's Bogus Journey

      1991 sequel to the 1989 hit film, Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. The film starred Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter in which they get sent to hell where they encounter the Grim Reaper.

      William Sadler appears in this episode as virtually the same Grim Reaper he had played in that film.