Season 1 Episode 6


Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM May 02, 2006 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Alice: I'd love for you to show me around your American balls!

    • Jeff: Actually, pimps get more respect than public school teachers.

    • Principal Wiggins: (points to the bass player) So what do"you think of him?
      Tina: Uhh, Em Tuxedo t-shirt. Is it 1985 already?

    • Calvin: (taking Dick's original speech) Look let me do a little rewrite. I'll keep your content. I'll soften the edges a bit.
      Dick: Okay, but keep that stuff about the bird flu. I'm serious that thing's coming.

    • Dick: (giving his farewell to the seniors) Let's face it, school isn't about you. It's about the teachers. See you grow up, you move on. We stay here. We come back every year...to deal with the bureaucracy, and the bad manners and the lighting that is flattering to no one. All in the name of trying to crow bar some knowledge into your air tight skulls. Now why do we do this? You better believe it's not for the money. Maybe it's because for all the challenges here my friend was right; there's always hope and the promise of the occasional meat thermometer. So why don't you all raise a bottle...I know you've got'em...To us.

    • Dick: Well I had a speech prepared about how crappy everything is, how all life had in store for you was a swift kick in the nads. Then a friend convinced me that maybe the world isn't that bleak. And maybe he's right.
      Calvin: Is he talking about me?
      Dick: I'm talking about you Mr. Happy. Pipe down.

    • Alice: You and I are a bad idea.
      Jeff: Why?
      Alice: Well for starters we work together.
      Jeff: So who cares? I work with the janitor and we've been sleeping together for years.

    • Tina: It's cold.
      Jeff: Yea no kidding.
      Tina: God your dense. You know that's the third time I told that I was cold and you haven't offered me your jacket.
      Jeff: I'm not dense. I'm cold too.

    • Jeff: I'm sure a girl that looks like you had a really awful prom.
      Tina: Uh, my boyfriend dumped me two weeks before the prom. So I went with a really gross friend of my brothers who kept pointing to his crotch the whole night saying, "what are we going to do about this?"
      Jeff: I would have killed for a prom that romantic.

    • Jeff: Tina, what are you doing out here?
      Tina: Oh, I confiscated this bottle from a student. I'm just looking for a place to dump it. (chugs half the bottle) Found one.
      Jeff: Give me that. I'm in a lot of trouble. (drinks some) That is where we dump booze.

    • Jeff: By the way you're a good teacher.
      Tina: You think so?
      Jeff: How would I Know? (takes a drink from the whiskey bottle)

    • Tina: You know what pisses me off? I don't get any respect.
      Jeff: Well you're a public school teacher in the state of New Jersey, what do you expect?

    • Alice: You know looking around it makes me wish I went to one of my own school balls. Do all school balls feel like this?
      Jeff: Alice before you go any further that In America balls are...
      Alice: Yea they are in England too. Just like seeing you squirm.

    • Jeff: Where did Ms. Fletcher go?
      Robin: I'm sorry. Am I wearing a button that says, "Ask me where Ms. Fletcher is?"
      Jeff: Wow I bet your boyfriend is really kicking himself for dumping you.

    • Ms. Wiggins: Well I find the bass player Bruce, very attractive. But for some reason he's not responding to my subtle charms.
      Tina: So...You want me to help you get this guy?
      Ms. Wiggins: Well that is your area of expertise.
      Alice: Okay. Actually my area of expertise is teaching American history.

    • Bruce: Hey Emma, nice dress.
      Ms. Wiggins: Thanks. I'm completely naked under this.

    • Dick: What the hell did you do to my speech?
      Calvin: I made it a little more upbeat.
      Dick: I might as well tell them that when they go to the bathroom flowers will come out of their ass.

    • Dick: You took out all that stuff about dying alone.
      Calvin: Dick, 100% of people do not die alone.
      Dick: Why do you have to sugar coat everything? You're a black man where's your anger?
      Calvin: I'm from Maine, my dad's an optician. Not that mad.

    • Dick: Life stinks.
      Calvin: Mine doesn't
      Dick: Yea? Where's you nice house? Where's your girlfriend? Hey, Where's your acting career?

    • Calvin: You know what Dick, fine. Give the speech you want. Tell them nothing they do matters and they'll never amount to anything.
      Dick: Finally something I could use.

    • Dick: Filmore seniors remember this night. Enjoy it. Because after this it's all downhill. There's an unemployment rate of 92%, the divorce rate is 75%. And if you're thinking 'well at least I still have my friends' the percentage of people keeping their high school friends is zero. You may ask yourself what are my chances of getting bird flu?
      Calvin: Dick hold on. It's a prom toast. It's supposed to be a little more positive.

    • Ms. Wiggins: So we'll meet after school, talk about hair, shop for clothes. You'll tart me up a bit.
      Tina: Are you asking me as a friend or telling me as my boss?
      Ms. Wiggins: I'm ask telling you as your friendly boss.

    • Jeff: So since we both volunteered for prom duty, why don't I pick you up and go together.
      Alice: Yes, yes that might be alright, yes, it would be nice for someone to show me around your American balls.

    • Alice: I volunteered to be a chaperone.
      Dick: Oh. That's a mistake. You can't leave when you want to and you can't show up drunk.
      Alice: Well, yes I knew you'd think it was silly.
      Dick: It's not silly. It's stupid.

    • Alice: As I get older I'm starting to see the appeal of balls.

    • Alice: We didn't actually have proms in England. Well we had them but they were bigger and we called them balls.
      Dick: Really? Why don't you tell us about your English balls.

    • Dick: I drove from Dayton, OH to Haight Ashbury to get some of that Summer of Love. Instead I got crabs. (pause) From a sofa.
      Jeff: I gotta do something. Something so romantic that she won't forget about me.
      Dick: Give her crabs, that's something you never forget.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Summer of Love

      Dick refers to driving to Haight Ashbury to get some of that Summer of Love. Summer of Love refers to the summer of 1967, particularly on the West Coast of the United States, when the so-called "hippie movement" came to full fruition. The beginning of which is attributed to the "Human Be-In" that took place in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park on Jan. 14, 1967 and was where John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas wrote the song San Francisco:

      If you're going to San Francisco,
      be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.
      If you come to San Francisco,
      Summertime will be a love-in there.

No results found.
No results found.
No results found.