Teachers

Season 1 Episode 1

Substitute

0
Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Mar 28, 2006 on NBC

Trivia

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  • Trivia

    • Opening a box containing them, Dick stated he was going to be handing out Tastykakes. The closed captioning incorrectly called them "tasty cakes."

    • The idea for this show originally came from a British drama titled "Teachers."

  • Quotes

    • Jeff: Hi I'm Jeff Cahill
      Tina: I have a boyfriend
      Jeff: That's an unusual name. Do I detect some Native American blood?

    • Jeff: Let's start over. I'm Jeff Cahill
      Tina: I have a boyfriend.
      Jeff: Jeff Cahill
      Tina: Boyfriend
      Jeff: JC
      Tina: BF

    • Jeff: (playing golf in Mitch's classroom) Show your teacher some respect. Move it nerd I got a long back swing.

    • Mitch: Would you please get out of my classroom.
      Jeff: Mitch I want to be here as much as your students do.

    • Tina: I don't have a boyfriend I just say that to guys who come up to me with that look. But now I know that you're gay so it's okay girlfriend
      Jeff: I'm not gay.
      Tina: Oh sure you are. You and your friend sharing your jacket. It's very cute.

    • Jeff: I'll have sex with you right now if you want to know how not gay I am
      Tina: Not interested. I like tall guys.
      Jeff: That's good because I don't like girls with big boobs.
      Tina: Very few gay men do.

    • Tina: Do you know where we can get some more beer?
      Jeff: There's a liquor store 201 feet away from the school. I know it's far but that's the law.

    • Tina: Hey, I'm sorry I took your cake earlier.
      Jeff: No problem. You just spent the morning subbing at one of New Jersey's most average to below average high schools. You needed a treat.

    • Tina: Anyway it was a very nice thing you did; so how about a beer?
      Jeff: You brought beer to school. I'm appalled. (uses bottle opener) It came with the desk.

    • Tina: Well I'm only here for one day. What are they going to do? Fire me?
      Jeff: Sadly no. Not even if you walk around with it in the hallway.

    • Calvin: Sure a white guy behind a trash can is a hero. A black guy's homeless.

    • Jeff: Well I'm sorry I had to rush out on you last night.
      Tina: It's okay. I get it. That's the life of a volunteer fireman.
      Jeff: Yea I'm not actually a fireman.
      Tina: So that 4 alarm fire at the banana factory was made up?
      Jeff: The sad thing is one day when there is a fire at the banana factory you won't believe me.

    • Tina: Ms. Wiggins called asking if I was interested in a full time job and as you know I like my beer and beer don't buy itself so I took it.

    • Ms. Wiggins: As many of you know that I usually appoint the chairs, but when Mr. Babbish and Ms. Fletcher both expressed interest I decided to open the floor to the entire faculty. Partly because it's fair, but mainly it's because I don't want to face any charges of racial bias were if I were not to choose Mr. Babbish who many of you is, is black.
      Mitch: I did not know that. Isn't that strange. I don't see color.

    • Jeff: Hey Dick
      Dick: We've got a problem. You know that skinny English lady, what's her name? Crazy hat. She's putting herself up for faculty chair.
      Jeff: I know my Alice and she does not want to be faculty chair. Faculty Chairs have to form committees, change syllabi, create after school activities...Oh my god that is right up her danty British alley.

    • Dick: When a well meaning do good-er gets a job like that, you know who suffers? Work dodgers and apathetics like us.

    • Dick: People this is a life changing event. I don't know about you but I love my life.
      Jeff: You hate your life.
      Dick: I do hate my life. I'll tell you something; she'll make me hate it even more.
      Calvin: So, what do we do?
      Dick: We got to get one of our own people in there. Someone who's lazy and unmotivated. Someone who doesn't want to change anything.
      Jeff: I don't think so guys. I'm pretty tired.

    • Jeff: So I didn't see you last night at the bar. 23rd invite, 23rd no show. My welcome alice banner is starting to look pretty tattered.
      Alice: Well look, last night was a Tuesday night. Why would I go to a bar?
      Jeff: Because it was open.

    • Jeff: For the past 6 months I have showered you with compliments and given you several clever nicknames. Those just don't happen.
      Alice: I know. I'm sure it took a long time to come up with Buckingham Alice.
      Jeff: I'm also very proud of Westminster Blabby.

    • Jeff: Mitch, I saw Principal Wiggins in the parking lot. Her ass looked unkissed.

    • Tina: You don't take anything home? What kind of teacher are you?
      Jeff: Im' not a teacher! I'm the panther for the Giants.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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