Season 1 Episode 5


Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Apr 25, 2006 on NBC



  • Trivia

    • When on the phone Dick uses one of his voices from his popular radio show, The Phil Hendrie Show.

    • The song played in the bar to annoy Doug and later when Alice and Jeff dance is Charlie Daniels' The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

  • Quotes

    • Doug: In a perfect world I wouldn't exist.
      Jeff: Woo-hoo! Perfect world!

    • (plays The Devil Went Down to Georgia)
      Doug: You really think that bothers me?
      Jeff: It better because it bothers the hell out of me.

    • Dick: (talking to Tina) You know I got all the news I need about you people on Telemundo.

    • Dick: (talking to the bartender) What do I owe you?
      Tina: Hold on. It's on me
      Dick: Wouldn't that money be better spent on a new bell for your village's church.

    • Alice: Sorry about Jeff. He's such a child.
      Doug: But shorter.

    • Jeff: All we have to do is break into the car and take a look at the test.
      Calvin: Are you serious? You and I break into a car. Who do you think they'll put away?

    • Jeff: I can't believe it. Why would she kiss him?
      Calvin: Sorry man
      Jeff: I mean wouldn't you kiss me before you kiss him?
      Calvin: Well I don't know
      Jeff: Oh never mind. It was a trick question so that I could call you gay.

    • Jeff: (talking about Alice) And we beat Doug. So now all that's left is a celebratory hug, which in an ideal world would lead to an awkward kiss, and then an over the shirt boob raising.

    • Doug: You know what sucks even more than testing?
      Jeff: Maroon 5?
      Calvin: I like them.
      Jeff: (calmly) Me too.

    • Dick: Well I guess you could get fired.
      Tina: Yea.
      Dick: Finally I don't have to lock up my valuables.

    • (Tina takes Dick's scotch)
      Dick: Keep drinking from my glass. I'm sure that sore on my lip is nothing to worry about.

    • Jeff: My students have done better on that test than anybody in 3 years.
      Alice: Really? Why didn't you tell me that before?
      Jeff: Because I don't like to brag.
      Alice: Then why did you tell me you ate 6 pancakes in 10 minutes this morning?
      Jeff: cuz that's probably the fastest anybody's done that. (pause) Ever.

    • Tina: Who are you going to direct all this racism to when I'm fired Dick?
      Dick: I don't know. Maybe that butler that hangs around Jeff.

    • Tina: Look I did all my course work. I just didn't take my final exams because I started getting teaching jobs and it was sunny and I like the beach.
      Dick: Well sure you do. It reminds you of the day when your family floated in this country on their homemade raft.

    • Tina: Wiggins hasn't received my teaching credentials yet.
      Dick: So, they'll show up. It's not like you don't have them.
      Tina: I don't have them.
      Dick: Well then I guess it's a long hay ride back to Tijuana.

    • Doug: That means a better education for every student. Isn't that why we're here?
      Jeff: I'm here for the gym membership.
      Calvin: I'm here for the asbestos.

    • Dick: I can't go back to teaching Drvier's Ed.
      Tina: Oh I think you'd like that. Some poor kid drives you to Pizza Hut, waits in the car while you wuff down a calzone and brings you back.
      Dick: Those are some good times. But being in the same car with that Simmons kid is like a scene of the Fast and the Furious.

    • (Dick coughs)
      Tina: Dick, cover your mouth. It's like walking past a brewery fire.

    • Jeff: I spent 2 hours listening to the difference between a dental technician and hygienist. I turn my back for 1 minute and he's taken her home.
      Calvin: What is the difference?
      Jeff: I don't know. I think one of them wears gloves and the other one is a dirty, dirty slut.

    • Jeff: He's not my rival. I just have a natural aversion to someone who takes away my valuable teaching time.
      Calvin: That and he stole drunk Nancy from you.

    • Ms Wiggins: What did you think of Mr. Diamond's presentation?
      Tina: It's fine.
      Ms Wiggins: (cuts her off) Hands off! Or I'll scratch your eyes out.

    • Dick: (to Tina) You're late! Trouble at the border?

    • Alice: I'm not willing to sit idly by, while injustice is carried out. I intend to be very disruptive in his seminar!
      Calvin: Good for you Alice. I always knew that wild woman inside would come out someday.
      Alice: I will repeatedly clear my throat and only you will know that it's not at all soar. (leaves satisfied)
      Calvin: Well someday.

    • Jeff: You know what? I'm glad Alice is with Doug. Gives me more time to pursue my hobby.
      Calvin: You don't have a hobby.
      Jeff: I got to get a new drink. Maybe that could be my new hobby.
      Calvin: My uncle had that hobby. His new hobby is looking for a liver.

  • Notes

    • International Air dates:
      - Denmark: June 7, 2008 on TV3+

    • Coupling Connection:

      Sarah Alexander played Susan in the British version of Coupling.
      Colin Ferguson played Patrick in the American version of Coupling

      Furthermore, in both series, the Susan character had been the former girlfriend of the Patrick character.

  • Allusions

    • Jeff and Calvin admit to liking Maroon 5, even though they say it's worst than testing. Maroon 5 is the 2005 Grammy Award winning pop/rock group from LA.

    • Dick refers to his teaching experience of Driver's Ed as a scene from The Fast and the Furious. The Fast and the Furious was a 2001 film about street racing, starring Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.