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Teen Wolf is a tricky minx. You start watching the first season because a show with such a psychotically loyal fanbase has to have some pretty good qualities. Then before you know it you haven’t left your apartment in weeks, you smell like mouldy corn chips and you’re sobbing over a bowl of chocolate covered almonds because the third season is over and things have happened on the screen that tore your heart out.

If you’ve read my “recaps” of season 1 and season 2, then you know what’s up, so here we go:

Toni Watches Teen Wolf Season 3

OH MY GOD ISAAC.

Who is this awesome new motorcycle riding warrior lady that’s saving Isaac ALL OVER THE PLACE? I love her instantly. Also, is it just me, or has Isaac grown MORE adorable? I don’t know who this beautiful motorcycle princess is, but I never want her and Isaac to be apart. Ever.

Also, those hilariously handsome werewolves just MORPHED INTO EACH OTHER. Haha, this season is already a psycho circus ring, and I love it.

Oh great, Scott is getting a tattoo of nothing. What is this nonsense? Don’t get me wrong, I love tattoos, I have a few myself, but Scott just said the reason for his tattoo is because “I dunno, I like it.” Uh. Groan.

I couldn’t even pause this episode to type. Holy Cannoli!

Firstly, did they seriously just kill Isaac’s soul mate? Seriously??? She was instantly the best and then this blind werewolf dude (how is that possible? Don’t they heal super fast?) just ups and kills our sweet precious angel. How dare you, sir!
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Also, does he honestly think he can get Derek to kill Scott? Fat chance, new bad guy, Derek and Scott are Best Friends Forever.

Everything about that stupid tattoo was amazingly hilarious.

Oh, and not surprisingly, Stiles is the best. I love his new hair! And Jackson is gone! An American werewolf in London! Is that because the actor got a role on Arrow as a much, MUCH more likeable character?? Or did the producers of this show just decide that Jackson was the worst? Honestly, I bet they wrote him off the show for the sake of that actor. He’s dreamy, and deserves a better role. A role like Roy Harper. What I’m saying, guys, is go watch Arrow.

Oh, and BIRDS, haha. And a new teacher character. Wonder if she’ll be evil. Is the weirdo skinny teacher still around? Haven’t seen him since he was caught at that rave. We never did find out his deal.

Speaking of missing people that still need their deal told… where’s Evil Uncle Peter?

Oh yeah, and I guess Scott is going to turn into some awesome alpha? Okay. Oh yeah, and he learned how to read! Yay Scott!

Man, I have to go to sleep now. But how can I sleep when I am GRIEVING the awesome warrior lady. *sigh* I miss her already.

Bah ha! Stiles is going to get some! Oh no, wait… she’s likely dead now. Goodbye, slutty teenager with good taste, perhaps someone will bone you in heaven.

Yay! Evil Uncle Peter!! Back to be hilarious again? Awesome.
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My beloved Isaac is getting into a tub of super cold water to… oh who cares, he just took his shirt off, but not his pants. Haha, WHY? If you’re gonna undress, undress. If you’re not, then don’t. THIS SHOW! I love it.

Oh man, Alison is about to get a truth bomb about her bat-shit crazy mom. Good.

Also, how DREAMY is Hot Werewolf? Risking his life for these super jacked-up tweeking werewolves? Awe! Also, he has a younger sister? That sounds like a made-up character for the sake of drama, but whatevs, I’m on board.

And what’s wrong, Lydia? Bad dream? Considering you’ve previously been mind-screwed by a dead werewolf, I’d say that’s fair.

WHAT IS LYDIA? She just accidentally drove herself to a pool with a dead body in it. Like… ACCIDENTALLY. Lydia is the best. Whaaaaaa??? The dead body wasn’t in the pool, it was in the life guard chair! Why is Lydia’s life a horror show?

Because Lydia is the best, that’s why. I love how she thought there was a dead body in the pool, so she reached out to it, like the brave little princess she is. I personally would have been like, Why TF am I at a pool? Um, 9-1-1, there’s a dead body that may or may not be a manikin, but I’m not sticking around long enough to find out. Peace, I’m out.
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OMG Teen Wolf, you have gone TO FAR. If it’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s the use of mass quantities of bugs to kill people. That is literally my nightmare. I get that you have to kill this nice camping lesbian lady for some sort of bigger story arc, but to do it with BUGS?? No, Teen Wolf. I am mad now.

Isaac! Yay! I love any moment when Isaac is on my screen, and he’s currently saving the other nice lesbian lady from Derek’s misbehaving little sis. Oh, and he’s wearing a hilariously trendy scarf while doing it. Oh, Isaac!

Guys, can we talk about the scene where all the dreamboats were standing around talking about how to track/trap a werewolf, while Allison was actually GETTING SHIT DONE. That’s awesome. I almost forgot how awesome Alison is.

HAHAHAHAHHA The teacher is in the BOILER ROOM??? Baaaahahahahaha… I can’t…. it hurts… oh my sides. WHY?? Why on EARTH would the school supplies be in the BOILER ROOM?? And how in heavens did she NOT HEAR the werewolf scuffle that just happened in the SAME ROOM SHE WAS IN??? Hahaha… God, I love this show.

Hot Werewolf just TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS. And then the teacher lady instantly fell in love with him, obviously. It’s about time Derek got a love interest! I hope she’s not evil.

Oh, and there are human sacrifices, because of course. And they’re virgins! Why does Stiles know so much about this? You know what, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take an accusatory tone, it’s just there’s been a lot of spirit-possession lately, and I don’t want my beloved Stiles getting mixed up in anything incriminating, you know? Also, he better get laid real fast.

Ugh, GUY, some advice, if something living under a dumpster bites you and then whispers “come closer”, DO NOT COME CLOSER. This dog-owner is very handsome, but very dumb. I don’t mean to be this girl, but… maybe he deserves to die? Just saying.

Oh shit! How did the alpha pack find Derek’s swanky new pad? And why doesn’t that chick ever wear shoes? It’s honestly unnerving. Also, Derek’s sister is kind of a bitch. I like her!

OMG, the shoeless werewolf just shoved a pipe THROUGH Derek. What the hell, woman, MANNERS.

What is even… the weirdo twins are beating each other up. Ohhhhh… to frame Isaac. But then… why did they punch each other… if only one of them had to… *sigh* Oh, show.
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Everything about Lydia’s storyline is terrifying.

SAD FACE! Derek kicked Isaac out of his swanky loft and threw a glass at him, just like his dad did the night be was brutally murdered! It was clearly for Isaac’s own good, because Derek must think he needs to distance himself from his pack or some sort of secretly heroic thing, cause member when he was gonna sacrifice himself to save Boyd and his sister, this guy just CARES, ya know? Ugh, I’m so upset I’m using run-on sentences. On the upside, Isaac is now roomies with Scott, which must be a dream come true considering the massive bro-crush Isaac has.

Oh, and the skinny teacher died. But he was kind of in on whatever was happening? That guy has always been super creepy and mysterious. I’m kind of sad to see him go.

*gasp* “I can’t believe he’s dead. I can’t believe Derek is dead.” Do not even JOKE about that, TEEN WOLF!!! He’s for sure NOT dead, but now I am certainly intrigued how Derek is going to fake his death to undoubtedly try and protect his young pack of best friends.

Yay! Derek went to his adorable teacher-lady crush for help! Oh, and he’s not dead. Ha, I knew you were just playing, Teen Wolf.

Oh, and Scott’s insistence that it was all his fault was starting to annoy me (hero complex, ammiright, guys?) until the last flashback scene where it showed that yeah, it was literally Scott’s fault. He slashed the guys leg, OF COURSE he was gonna grab onto Derek to fall to his fake-out death. Weird move, Scott, but it all seems to have worked out well!

Oh, and Scott’s eyes glowed RED. We all know what that means! But, I can’t help but wonder how? This would be breaking all the rules we’ve come to know and respect in this werewolf world. Someone bitten can’t be an alpha unless they kill an alpha. And we’ve already established that Scott isn’t special in any kind of way – he was chosen to be a werewolf because he was in the wrong (right) place at the wrong (right) time. Even Evil Uncle Peter admitted that it could have easily been Stiles instead.
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Which brings me to a completely unrelated (totally related) question… I wonder who Scott’s DAD is.

Also – I love how cavalier the reunion between Derek’s sister and Evil Uncle Peter was. She was all, “You killed my sister,” and he was like, “Yup.” And she just kinda shrugged. Haha… did no one particularly like the older sister??

I also loved how the vet just did not care that they were going to kill the high school guidance counselor unless he let them in. Ha, I know I say this about a lot of characters on this show, but I mean it every time. This guy is the best.

Hahah, we’re in the 70s!! Everything about this cold open is already amazing, and I’m about 45 seconds into it. Also, I love that the teacher’s death wasn’t in the “previously on” montage. Guess it’s not that important!

Oh my! He killed himself, so of course he’s an Argent. Those people love killing themselves.

Awwwww, adorable teacher is taking care of Derek. What a great first date!

Man, oh man, everyone is acting super creepy! This motel has the most suicides ever in the history of the universe, but I bet everything’s gonna be just fine. RIGHT???

Everything about this episode is truly horrifying. Like… I may sleep with the lights on tonight. With my phone in my hand… and maybe a knife under my bed. Or wait, I don’t actually own any good knives, so… a wine opener. Yeah, that’ll do.

My heart will never stop aching for Isaac in that damn freezer. Never. I’m here for you, Isaac. I just always want to give him a hug, you know? Also, Scott just hallucinated his mom getting savagely murdered and he kind of just stood there all dopey-faced.

AND, is the theory that everyone thinks Scott is turning into an alpha because Derek is “dead”? Because… that makes little to no sense. Wouldn’t his sister be the next in line? She was BORN a werewolf, after all. And if she wasn’t around, Scott wasn’t even bit by Derek. Wouldn’t it be Isaac or Boyd? Okay, you know what, I’m gonna stop thinking so hard and go get that wine opener…

*SWOON* Hot werewolf and adorable teacher are totally making out!! I reeeeeeeally hope she’s not evil. Member when we learned he had loved Crazy Aunt Kate before she went and murdered his whole family? I just don’t see Hot Werewolf coming back from that twice.

Whoa, hold up, are they having sex? Hahahah, look, I am ALL FOR Hot Werewolf getting some tail, but doesn’t he have about seventeen gaping wounds oozing black blood? You know what, screw the details. This is awesome.
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OH. MY. WORD. Every single character on this show is the absolute best. Scott almost just set himself on fire with a heartbreaking speech about being no one, then Stiles cried and made ME cry and stepped in the gas, saying that if Scott goes, then they go together, and then all was well until the flair ROLLED BY ITSELF into the gas and LYDIA SAVED them, like the beautiful, brave princess she is! Then she looked back and there was a terrifying figure lurking in the fire. You know, just totally hellish imagery that’s going to haunt my dreams forever.

God. THIS SHOW.

Okay, first of all, how many “car pile ups” can this town have? Wasn’t there one last season too? And secondly, OH MY GOD, DANNY! Something is happening and it is NOT pleasant, and Scott’s mom just had to impale him with a giant needle.

Side note, guys… I think I like Ethan! He’s so concerned for Danny. I know he’s in the evil alpha pack and can turn into a grotesque twin-monster, but, any friend of Danny’s is a friend of mine, ya know?

Also, if the doctor is about to be killed in her car by BUGS, I am NOT going to be pleased!

Haha, how did a werewolf climb up a high rise and paint a symbol on Derek’s giant window with Derek just sitting on the bed reading a book, NOT NOTICING??

Oh man, they’ve got the adorable teacher and they’re threatening to kill her unless Derek fights alone. The best part is that she’s being held by the twins… I mean, isn’t that gonna be awkward at school on Monday?

Also, the vet is hanging in a magic circle! Ugh, that’s the worst. Can’t this guy catch a break? And where the eff is his sister?? I feel like she should be helping.

Okay, so Scott is becoming an alpha because he’s just a good dude? Um. Yeah, okay. Why not?

Also, adorable teacher is pretty in the know now. That didn’t take long. She knows all these kids are either werewolves or super involved. I’m curious to see how this plays out. On the up side, she did seem pretty concerned for Derek, so she’s likely not evil *crosses fingers*.

Oh yeah, and BOYD DIED. And he seemed pretty cool with it. Does this mean Derek is now going to get all power hungry? I hope not.

Oh, and how awesome was it that Stiles put his hand on Derek’s shoulder?!? Best buds to the end.

A flashback episode about DEREK??? Yes, please!!!

Okay wait, when Evil Uncle Peter was all, “a girl ruined his life”, I was 100% expecting it to be Crazy Aunt Kate, not some precious cello player. Kate burned his family alive… I’m pretty sure she holds the title of worst ex-girlfriend.

Oh man, Evil Uncle Peter is such a dick! And his younger self is kind of a terrible actor. His bad-acting younger self just convinced adorable young Derek to turn his girlfriend into a werewolf, and he’s telling the story like he tried to convince him not to. Douche.

Oh man, Grandpa Battlestar just got TOLD by Scott. Ha, what a kid! I love it. Was Alison just standing there when Scott was all, “if this bogus info gets people hurt, I’ll be so pissed and do nasty things to you.” (Paraphrasing)

And *sigh*, oh Derek. Now I guess we know why Jackson’s eyes (ha, member Jackson?) were all steely blue instead of golden. He's killed some folks.
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Well, that was a fun flashback episode with a lot of exposition and heart strings. Was it my imagination, or were Stiles and Derek’s sister flirting? I’m okay with it, as long as they both realize that Stiles is forever entwined and therefore destined to be with the beautiful brave princess Lydia.

Oh, and we found out that the big bad alpha actually started out as a pretty decent guy who just wanted peace, but then Grandpa Battlestar set off a chain of events that turned him super evil. Way to go, Grandpa! Just go take a nap and let all the teens clean up your mess.

Oh, and Derek’s mom is one kick ass babe. That actress is pretty well known, so I think (hope) we’re gonna see her again. I have suspicions that all of Derek’s family secretly survived that fire, and they just sort of scattered believing everyone else was dead without actually looking into it at all.

Bah! The lady cop was just murdered by the scariest man ever to get a close up. So, that whole thing where cops shouldn’t go places alone, and have partners for a reason is just… not a thing in this town? Well, if the horrifying death-monster is now after law enforcement, he better keep his dehydrated hands off Stiles' dad, cause Stiles' dad is the best. (Do we know his first name?)

Oh man, you guys, Ethan is pretty much as good as turned into a hero. Taking meetings with our gang in the hallway, stopping his brother from killing Derek’s sister… I’m pretty stoked to see the actual moment he decides to be decent, and I bet it’ll be because of Danny.

This show has an uncanny way of making you really like all the characters. Like, ALL OF THEM. When the weirdo-twins came on the scene I was all, “ugh, really?”, and now I’m invested in their unique dynamic with each other and also their well-being (well, Ethan's, the other one can suck a toe). Remember when I didn’t like Isaac (I’m not proud), and I was sorta “meh” about Derek? This show bitch slapped me and was all, “YOU WILL LOVE THEM.” And I did! That’s just good writing. And acting. And partial nudity.

Speaking of Isaac, he’s teamed up with Alison! To do what, I don’t know, but I’m into it.

Awwwwwwww times a hundred. Lydia and Scott just had a really nice moment where she was like, “If I embrace this, you could save lives.” And he was like, “for sure, I’ll help.” Then they held hands is solidarity!

You know what I love about this show (besides everything)? It’s not a show about some relationships, it’s a show about a NETWORK of relationships. These people go through a lot together, so yeah, it’s impossible to think that Scott and Lydia wouldn’t have a strong friendship, despite not being a “core relationship”. The writers are clearly trying to explore every connection, and I for one appreciate that.

UUUGHGHGHGHGHGHGH It’s the adorable teacher. *sad sigh* How is Derek ever supposed to love another woman, ever? He had to kill his first love, then his second love burns his family alive, now this seemingly delightful teacher is sacrificing people. What a bummer.
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Oh no oh no oh no!!! Stiles’ dad!!! Has been taken!!!! I really hope Scott calls the NOT adorable teacher and is like, “I have a specific set of skills…”

Awww, Evil Uncle Peter is doting on his niece, who’s throwing up blood during a hurricane. This episode is off to a great start. Also – I totally forgot that Evil Uncle Peter dated Scott’s mom. Haha, shenanigans! She was all, “you’re supposed to be dead.” But the subtext was “why didn’t you text me back?”

So many team-ups!! Alison, Isaac and Mr. Argent! Scott and Evil Uncle Peter! Stiles and a bat!

One team up that was NOT going well? The twins! (Who I have now stopped calling “the weirdo twins”, you’ll notice, because Ethan is great.) Ethan and Aidan are at odds. You know what that means! Ethan is about to become best friends with our group of heroes! Yay!

Haha, classic let’s slide down the laundry shoot and land on each other gag. You’re a regular Abbott and Costello, Scott and Evil Uncle Peter!

Scott’s mom is the best! Scott’s mom is the best! I shall scream it from the roof tops, SCOTT’S MOM IS THE BEST! Oh, and I guess her name is Melissa? She just zapped the twins with those medical paddles that no one knows the name of! (By no one, I mean me)

Guys, I’m gonna be real for a second – I don’t care if Cora dies. Don’t think I’m a terrible person! It’s just, for a show that excels in character development and relationships, we know little to nothing about her. There wasn’t even a joyous reunion with her long-lost-presumed-dead brother. They just kind of bickered at each other, then started living together like it ain’t no thing. She has no relationships with anyone. I realize they’re trying to set up some romance with Stiles, but I’m not feeling it. They’ve barely flirted, they know nothing about each other, and there’s zero chemistry.

Speaking of chemistry with Stiles… where’s Lydia been? I realize they took her to a “different” hospital to look at the bruises around her neck (get better, Lydia!), but if she’s not in the next episode too, I’m gonna be disappointed. And guys, I reach for comfort food when I’m disappointed. For the sake of all the chips and ice cream, just put Lydia in the next episode, and all the episodes after. Thanks.

Ugh, this “cold open” is just everyone standing around asking where everyone is.

Oh man, Derek just got TOLD by Isaac, and it was poignant as shit. “Why’d you do this to us? Were you bored? Were you lonely?” – “Maybe.”

Okay, this episode is making everything in my body tingle. Firstly, I don’t want ANY of these parents to die. They are ALL the best. If one of them dies, I’m gonna throw my TV against the wall then light it on fire (I’m not gonna do that). But seriously.

And then LYDIA KISSED STYLES!!!! You guys! My heart is all a-flutter!
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Oh, and evil/adorable teacher’s motives are kinda legit. CRAZY TOWN and morally reprehensible, but in a way, beneficial to mankind as a whole? I still don’t want ANY OF THOSE PARENTS to die. Have I mentioned that? Seriously.

Oh, it’s amazing that we’re half way into the episode and we still haven’t seen Scott. What other show do you know has the balls to have an episode WITHOUT THEIR LEAD, because they know their cast of characters is so compelling that people will barely notice? No other show.

Ha, I love that Scott just left the guidance counselor. All those werewolves seemed pretty intent on killing her. But then Scott was like, “I’m not going to let them kill you, k I’m out.”

Whaaaaaaaa AMAAAAZING! I hate to be a potty mouth, but FUCK, this show is good!

So much sacrifice is currently happening in this town! Alison, Scott and Stles are DROWNING for their parents, Derek is giving up his alpha powers to save his sister and Evil Uncle Peter is sacrificing his good night’s rest to idly stand by and watch it all happen.

Everything Stiles does is perfect. And don’t think I didn’t notice exactly WHO is paired with WHOM in this whole ‘it has to be someone you will love for eternity” rule for drowning a person. Okay, maybe that was hyperbole, but it had some pretty sexy undertones. Poor Scott getting stuck with boss. Haha… buddy.

Oh, and Scott’s dad! I knew as soon as I saw that slightly lop-sided jaw that something was up. I mean, HELLO HANDSOME, did you break your jaw and just forget to get it fixed? Not that I’m complaining. You can bring those baby browns to my TV screen anytime. An FBI agent, eh? I wonder what makes him such a deadbeat, besides the fact that he just walks into people’s homes when they’re not there and sits on their beds crying.

That cold open was awesome! They all “died” and flashed back to the pilot when they were just little baby versions of the dreamboats we know and love today! Seriously, Scott looked so YOUNG, like a little puppy. And how awesome was it that Alison was in the car that almost hit Scott! Man, THIS SHOW.

NO NO NO NO NO… THE TWINS!!!! I’m sorry I didn’t like you at first… I’m sorry I called you the Weirdo Twins… now please don’t really be dead!!!

Quick question, though… if she can do all this already, why does she need all the awesome parents to die? She seems pretty powerful already. Maybe just stop while you’re ahead?

Ha, did the teacher crawl away simply to make another foggy entrance? No judgement here, I love a good entrance.

Also, Stiles just saved the day with a baseball bat. I love Stiles. Have I said that? Stiles is the best.

*sigh* I can’t even… it’s so good. Evil Uncle Peter is back at his old tricks, the twins are alive (although the dick twin actually likes Lydia? Okay.), and Scott, Allison and Stiles have a darkness around their hearts. Cool wrap up, guys!

The evil werewolf is just set free, because Derek is a cool cucumber, who is LEAVING?? What the? What is that even FOR??? I don’t want a world without Hot Werewolf, I just don’t.

Especially now that Beacon Hills is actually a beacon (LOL) for bad shit. The second half of this season is going to be a fiery shit storm, and I can’t wait.

See you guys sooooooooon!
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