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I laughed, I cried, I screamed, hid my face under my hands, shook my head and rolled my eyes. Teen Wolf, it's been a wacky, sexy, terrifying adventure and I can already feel my body going through withdrawal symptoms.

Without further ado, I give you, Toni Watches Teen Wolf Season 3B.

OH MY! That was an incredible cold open and I am very concerned for the light of my heart, Stiles. So many twists! One of them made my soul leap when Lydia sat up in bed with him. Romantic fake-out! Oh man, show, you toy with my emotions and I ain’t even mad. But yeah, that was pretty rough to watch.

Oh boy! A new love interest for Scott! And her teacher dad seems super awkward, so I doubt he’ll be pulling a gun on him or anything. I guess this show is really giving the whole “Scott and Allison aren’t a thing” the ol’ college try. How cute was it when Isaac was all, “do you hate me?” Awwww… bro!

Oh, and how awesome was that nightmare-machine hallucination with Allison and her Aunt Kate crawling The Ring-style out of the morgue. Did I say awesome? I meant terrifying. Truly terrifying.

Okay did anyone else think that the grieving man who lost his daughters and wife actually looks like a werewolf? Like, if there was one human you could look at and be like, “oh yeah, that dude turns into an animal and howls at the moon”, it’d be that guy.

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Am I trying to call it too soon? Probably, this show loves throwing me for a loop.

Oh, and from now on, I am going to doubt ALL romantic scenes, because this episode was chock full of romantic fake outs. Alison and Isaac!

I also loved when the new girl (Obligatory Love Interest Part 2?) just waltzed up to their lunch table and was like, “I couldn’t help but overhear your terrifying convo about death and nightmares… I want in.” I already love this girl!

Bah! Derek and Evil Uncle Peter are on some wacky adventure in… Mexico? And Evil Uncle Peter just got his FINGER CUT OFF. Where’s the sister? Or is that who they mean by the “she wolf”? Seems too obvious.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA A WERECOYOTE???????? Hahahhaha… okay.

Oh God, I just… the wereCOYOTE is now in the SCHOOL??? Haha… *sigh*

OMG, the way Evil Uncle Peter says the word “ointment” is my new favourite thing.

*GASP* It’s the motorcycle warrior lady!!!!!!! She’s alive!!!!! And she’s muscle for hire?? Awesome. I guess my dream of her sweet jungle love with Isaac is crushed now that he’s all up in Allison’s business. Oh well, the fact that she’s on my screen with claw-scars is good enough for me!!

The twins! Wait… why are they mean again? And did they drop out of school?

Baaaaahhhhh! A gloved hand (mystery!) just pulled a flower out of the creepy tree stump and then a billion lightning bugs swarmed out and formed smoke-people. I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Oh, and the wereCOYOTE (still hilarious) is now a hot girl. Is she gonna be a character now? Let’s find out!! Next episode please!

I need to address the most amazing moment in television history: Styles just told Scott that he’s like the hottest girl that everyone wants. Then he said “I’m the hot girl?” “The hottest girl”, then Isaac walked up and Scott said, “I’m the hot girl.” And Isaac, without questioning it, said “yes, you are.” Then they both smiled like someone gave them cake. Now, I don’t usually type out dialogue, but this few seconds of film made my heart soar. These dudes are best buds. Even dating each other’s ex-ladies hasn’t gotten in the way of their friendships. *sigh* I just love it.

Okay, kudos to the casting director for finding the creepiest looking human being to exist in the known universe. The man who bombed a bus full of kids because their “eyes were glowing” will actually haunt my dreams until the end of time. This actor has really got the niche market cornered for very, very scary characters. Good for him.

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He tries to electrocute New Love Interest, but she sucked all the energy in the town. Cool. I knew there was something “special” about her family the instant her mom started talking about their lineage, cause that’s always a red flag.

OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO…. NO, SHOW! Isaac!! Isaac is in danger!! A whole lotta dudes in scary masks are circling him in Alison’s bedroom, where just MOMENTS earlier he almost had some sexy times! (That was hilarious when papa Argent came in. Oh, papa Argent, I shall never tire of thee).

Whew, he’s okay, but he was crying and it broke my heart. Somebody hug Isaac, STAT. Oh, and I guess the scary smoke-men may have actually been after our beloved Mr. Argent, cause he had a broken mask. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

SO MANY THINGS! Firstly, Aiden is trying to be a decent fellow. Ugh, whatever. Second, Obligatory Love Interest Part 2 glows on camera. Ahhhhh, okay. Sure. Thirdly, MR. ARGENT! He better not be dead. Collapsing in a pool of blood isn’t always the greatest sign, but I’m sure he’s fine. A little disinfectant will clear that right up. Also, everyone was attacked by the ghost monsters (no trade mark infringement intended on LOST), and now they have the number 5 behind their ear. I personally think the ghost monsters just really love five alive, the drink made popular in the late 80s. That’s plausible.

But most importantly, STILES (is still the best), but may also be accidentally evil??? OH NO. Dammit, show, you make me care too much. TOO MUCH, I SAY!

I should be sleeping, but what use is a functioning brain tomorrow, when there is Teen Wolf to watch? (Oh God, what have I become? Meh, I don’t care. Next episode!)

Guys, young Mr. Argent is suuuuuuper hot. Like, really, hella smoking hot. I would NOT mind if we had a few flashback episodes (and a spin off?) all about young Mr. Argent, and how he fell in love with Crazy Eyes. Please?

Stiles is breaking my heart. He just called Melissa “mom”. He’s losing his mind, isn’t he? Weren’t the people who drowned Scott, Allison and Stiles supposed to be their anchors?? Why isn’t Lydia swooping in to be his anchor / soul mate? Where you at, Lydia???

Oh man, you guys, Stiles is for sure accidentally evil. He just reached into a smoke monster and pulled out it’s little firefly-heart. He clearly doesn’t know what’s going on (similar to Jackson’s story a la season 2), which OBVIOUSLY he doesn’t, because Stiles is a beautiful angel.

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Oh, and Alison totally smooched Isaac. Yeah, I can get behind this.

I mean, obviously Scott and Alison will end up together again (they kiss in the credits, that’s kind of a dead giveaway), but it’ll be nice to have a few detours along the way.

Once again, Teen Wolf has created a “villain” with totally understandable motives. These smoke monsters are hunting dark spirits. Fair enough, dudes! Have at it! Of course, they should do it in a way that doesn’t murder the best creature to be born of woman, Stiles, but I get it.

Oh, and Scott’s dad has a secret. Do you think it has something to do with how he broke his jaw? Do you think he somehow broke Scott’s jaw at the same time??

OMG OMG, STILES! That cold open was truly distressing. Stiles called Scott in the middle of the night and just the sound of his terrified voice was enough to be 100% unsettling. I don’t know – do we think he’s ACTUALLY trapped with his legs bleeding, or is this Accidentally Evil Stiles setting a trap? I don’t know… I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE!

Everything about that scene with Stiles in the basement was scary and awful and amazing. His leg IS caught… is he hallucinating that creepy bald man drawing the symbol for “self”? WHO EVEN KNOWS.

Awwww… Scott just offered to turn Stiles into a werewolf if he ends up having teenage dementia, then they hugged and my heart exploded.

Oh man! New Love Interest’s mom is the boss of the smoke monsters! And she’s totally cool with killing an innocent boy (OUR SWEET PRINCE STILES) in order to kill the evil thing camping out inside him. Again, I can relate to her motives, but if she hurts my beloved Stiles, I tell ya what, Imma gonna be UPSET.

Why does it always have to be Isaac, you know? Poor guy is in the hospital, NOT HEALING from electrocution. Don’t worry, you beautiful sensitive soul, you’ll be up and making out with Scott’s ex-girlfriend in no time.

Holy Shit! The coach just got shot with an arrow! From a trap that was likely set by Accidentally Evil Styles!

Ha! A Derek / Mr. Argent team up! YES. Marvelous. They’ve been framed for murder, I guess? I don’t even care, I want more of these two together. Remember when Mr. Argent’s wife killed herself because she was bit by Derek? THIS SHOW.

Wait… Evil Uncle Peter isn’t just an uncle? Is he a dad? TO WHOM?? WHOM, I SAY!

Oh. The WereCOYOTE, cause that makes total sense. (It makes no sense)

Scott just got IMPALED by a sword, and he doesn’t seem to mind that much. Probably because his best friend has turned Accidentally Evil again. OH, but here comes awesome veterinarian to save the day!

Ugh. Stiles and his dad are currently breaking my heart. They’re checking him into a mental hospital. So, I guess the thing that the vet gave Stiles just knocked out the dark spirit for a bit? That’s not as helpful as I thought it would be, considering the great lengths the vet went to procure it.

Ha, I instantly love Oliver, Style’s mental asylum roomie.

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I miss Isaac.

Ohhhhhhh are they hinting at a Stiles / WereCOYOTE romance? She’s all up in his biz, totally naked. I guess Stiles should get some play while Lydia takes her sweet ass time realizing she’s in love with him. (Not complaining, I love me a slow burn) Although I suppose Stiles should maybe stop being accidentally evil first. Priorities.

OH NO OH NO! That super mean orderly (why so mean, orderly?) just gave Stiles a sedative! Doesn’t he understand that Stiles is sorta possessed by a horrible mummy-like creature that will invade his mind again when he falls asleep??? Come on, Orderly, God!

Holy shit, they were not just HINTING at a Stiles / WereCOYOTE thing, they were flat out telling us what’s up. I’m pretty sure Stiles is no longer in the running for a virgin sacrifice. Yay Stiles! Yay Evil Uncle Peter’s daughter! Something tells me neither of them had any protection on-hand. Ah well. Teenagers, ammiright?

AHHHHHH there’s a body in the wall! And wereCOYOTE just REACHED INTO IT’S POCKET, like it ain’t no thing (beginning to really like her, and her taste in dudes) and pulled out an important plot point that was NOT revealed, and then my new bud Oliver STUN GUNNED THEM (Oliver, what’s up? Having a bad day?) and now he’s holding power tools. YIKES.

Oh man! Styles had to “let him in” in order to save his new lady. And now the new lady has been released from the mental institution, because I guess having a near-death experience in the basement will cure what ails you. Did they ever explain why she was in there to begin with? Not that that needs an explanation. You know what… it really doesn’t, nevermind. I love that this show trusts us to piece shit together and doesn’t waste time on trivial details.

Oh, and Scott was all, “we have to change him into a werewolf”, in which case I thought, “um, that probably won’t happen.” They’re not going to turn the only straight-up human they have left (besides Allison, who is a Hunter) into a supernatural being. So, good try Scott, thanks for coming out, but … nope. (Unless I’m totally wrong and next week our beloved Stiles turns into a werewolf, then I’ll eat my hat – which happens to be made of cheese… you know what, I’ll probably just eat it anyway, otherwise it’ll go bad).

I love how Kyra’s mom is all, “I’m like a billion years old.” And Kyra’s all, “and?” Ha! She just does not give an eff. She wasn’t even shocked.

BAH! That bitchy old lady from the internment camp is a hot mess werewolf! I love how she’s like, “just gonna wolf out and throw this fire starting kit at that guy, nothing to see here, folks!” Like… did NO ONE NOTICE SHE’S A WEREWOLF?? Awesome.

Ohhhhhhh… I get it!!! That dude is the yigotzsoneeyaya!! (Who actually knows how to spell the name of the bad guy this season, ammiright?) That’s a pretty fun twist! THAT’S why he’s all bandaged up!

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Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Good episode, Teen Wolf. I liked that Scott just hung out kind of gape-faced the entire episode. I also loved how Kyra’s mom mentioned something about love at first sight and Krya and Scott shared a super sweet glance, which at the time my heart melted because I’m a pre-teen in a grown up’s body, but then in retrospect, they haven’t even kissed, right? Oh well, still cute. You’re cute, Show!

Another hilarious aspect of this episode? Kyra’s dad was all, “hey, tell that story about that dude you loved a lot. I can’t get enough of it.”

Now the yigitzzzsuneee is chillin’ in Derek’s pad! WHY?

OHMYGODEWWWW NO. Everything about that scene was upsetting. Stiles just stabbed himself with Krya’s mom’s tail knife (LOL) and a bunch of INSECTS FLEW OUT OF HIS WOUND. Nope. No, thank you. Goodnight. (Also – Stiles is still the best. How good is Dylan O’Brien??? The answer: really motherfucking good.)

NOT COOL! No. One of Stile’s tummy flies just crawled into Issac’s IV wound. What? SHOW, COME ON.

I am not pleased with the direction this episode is heading. Are flies going to crawl into every open wound of our heroes? This is literally my nightmare.

Okay. You guys. I don’t want to get crazy here, but Peter Hale is screaming at Lydia like… (dare I say it?) A Banshee. Is LYDIA PETER’S DAUGHTER???? Was Malia a fake-out?? Speaking of, where in Sam Hill IS Malia?

Also, this whole “inside Style’s head” sequence is super cool. Just saying.

So obviously the yogittitszuneee is sucking the life from REAL Stiles, right? If Stiles is in any way harmed from this, I’m going to start a letter campaign. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but STILES IS THE BEST, and if he dies, I’m not watching anymore. (That’s a lie, but I’ll be hella sad/mad/hungry)

Guys, I think the Derek / Mr. Argent team up is my new favourite. I just love it when these guys hang out. Like, they both almost just killed each other (granted because of an evil fly), but now they’re just chillin’ at the door as Derek says “catch ya later, bro” with one foot out and one foot in like he doesn’t really want to leave. Be Still my heart, guys, seriously.

Okay, I’m about to get real. The twins were just shot, and Aiden is just laying there with blood all up on him, and my first thought was, “sure, kill Aiden.” I’m SORRY, okay? There was a point in time when I really enjoyed the twins, but upon retrospect, I think my affection was towards Ethan, and Aiden sort of just tagged along. I DO NOT want Ethan to die, ever. But Aiden… meh. Don’t hate me.

I LOVE this mental patient who is also a banshee. Put her in the credit sequence, because this girl should be a main character.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… is the Coach awesome? He just TASERED that jerk face mental institution guy who apparently loves to torture people and should probably NOT just get to carry one of those things around. Does Richen House do background checks? They should.

Alison… wake up. Quit playing, girl. Alison… WAKE UP. You CANNOT be dead. Alison…. ALISON! *long dramatic pause* Alison?

WHAT THE HELL, TEEN WOLF????

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Errrbody so sad. :( This episode is going to hurt my feelings, isn’t it? It’s the last one, so obviously.

Uuugghgh, case and point. Mr. Argent: “I can compartmentalize my emotions.” Isaac: “I can’t.” UGH. Heart break. Is Mr. Argent going to take Isaac in as the son he never had? I’m kind of sensing a paternal relationship forming here. Is Isaac gonna move out from Casa di Werewolf and move in with an ex-werewolf hunter? That’s a spin off I would watch, no jokes.

OHMYGOD if Stile’s dad dies… I’m gonna eat a shoe or something horrific. He’s been cut with a magic blade and now black smoke it coming from the wound. That can’t be good.

AND NOW SO IS SCOTTS MOM. Injured with a black smoke gash… you know what, don’t expect me to have proper grammar when the coolest parents in the fictional world are in peril AGAIN. I can’t handle this, SHOW. Oh, and the vet. He’s all cut up. That would be sad, but not devastating.

Has anyone noticed that Stiles is ONLY leaning on Lydia? Is it because they’re destined to be forever entwined? Yes. Because they are the two best characters on this show, by a slim margin, because everyone is the best.

Oh man, proving my point - Mr. Argent just showed up and murdered a ghost ninja and shared a look with Derek because they’re age-appropriate BEST FRIENDS!

Man, Stiles is killing it this episode (as always). He figured out it was an illusion, and now they’re in reality like a bunch of ballers.

OH NO. You guys… did I kill Aiden with the power of my mind? Remember last episode when I was all, “I wouldn’t mind if Aiden dies, as long as Ethan lives”. Now he’s dying, and Ethan lives and it’s totally sad and I’m really sorry Aiden, I didn’t mean to.

Ugh, and Scott is being cradled by his awesome mom because he’s a sad little guy.

Oh, but MALIA! Hello!

Haha, Danny knew about Werewolves the whole time? God love Danny, you guys, just seriously an awesome, handsome, smart and handsome dude. (Did I say handsome?)

OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN… HOLLY EFFFFFF you guys, HOLY MOTHER EFFFFING EFF. It’s Aunt Crazy Bitch!! She’s back! And she straight up shot Derek in the chest! NOT DEREK, is all I have to say to that.

Well, that’s gonna prove for a crazy-eyed and awesome fourth season. Maybe my prediction from before will prove true and she’ll turn NOT-CRAZY (everybody loves a good character reversal) and her and Derek will have hot supernatural jungle sex.

Okay, that is all. Ugh, now I have to WAIT for Teen Wolf Episodes? How did you people do it for so long?

See you guys for season 4!!!!

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