In the Forman kitchen, Kitty asks if Eric has his Christmas list for Santa ready; Eric tells her that he was going to but then he remembered that he's not 10 years old any more. Kitty tells him that Hyde wrote his; Hyde shrugs and tells Eric that he asked for a t-shirt. Eric says that he could ask for a cassette player for the Vista Cruiser, the way that he has every year but never gets one, so he'll just ask for a raincoat. Kitty is surprised to hear that Eric wants a raincoat. Eric comments to Hyde that Christmas was so much fun when they were kids, but now it's just like it's another day. Kitty tells him that he should do something different, like directing the church pageant, and reminds him of how much he loved that when he was a kid. She says that doing that would give him the Christmas spirit, and Eric agrees to do it, which makes her happy, because she's already signed him up for it. She then turns to Hyde, who immediately says "No!" but Kitty asks him if he's refusing to be in pageant about people who were turned away because there was no room in the inn, when she gave him a room in her inn; Hyde tells her that her guilt has no effect on him, but then agrees to be in it as well.
[Opening credits - there are Christmas bells and trumpets in the music, and a "Ho Ho Ho" after the "I love Wisconsin!"].]
[Scene change: Hyde boogies across the screen while Eric dances.]
At the church, Eric looks around at the Christmas pageant props and says that everything looks just the way that it did when he was a kid; he looks at the items on the table and comments that it's the gold, the myrrh and ...he smells the last one, and then Hyde tells him that it's his baggie of frankincense. Pastor Dave comes in and tells them that he wanted to direct the pageant but apparently, he's out of touch with the youth in the parish. Kelso comes running in, all excited, and tells the gang that Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
, Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town
and The Little Drummer Boy
are all on TV next week. Eric hands out the parts; Jackie tells him that she wants to be the Virgin Mary, because she was pure and rides a unicorn. Hyde asks if there are any parts that involve lying around and doing nothing, and then calls being the baby Jesus. Kelso reads his part and says that he doesn't want to play Joseph as a carpenter, he'd rather play him as a spaceman. Eric says that that's ridiculous, and Kelso asks him just where he thinks God lives, and Leo says that Kelso is right.
In Red and Kitty's bedroom, the two of them are asleep in bed, when suddenly lights go on outside and Christmas music starts playing. They wake up, and Red looks outside to see what's going on; it's Bob, putting up his Christmas decorations. Red yells at him to turn the lights and music off because it's midnight; Bob wants to know why he would turn off his Christmas decorations. Red asks if he's drunk, and Bob admits that he's not sober.
[Scene change: Eric jumps in the air, Kitty dances in one corner while Red looms in the other.]
At the church, Donna tells Eric that she has a problem with her part; she's cast as a wise man, but thinks that she should be a wise ~woman~. Eric tells her that he'll take it up with the guy who wrote the Bible, then turns to Kelso and tells him that he's now a wise man. Kelso wants to be a space wise man; Fez comes in, dressed as a shepherd and tells Eric that he'd rather be a lifeguard, because then he could tell all the girls to get into the pool. Eric calls everyone to gather around and tells them that their ideas are stupid.
In the Forman kitchen, while the song You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
plays, Red comes in with all of Bob's decorations and lights; Kitty asks if he's stealing them and Red tells her that it's only stealing if you keep them, and since he intends to throw them in the garbage, it's not stealing. Kitty is horrified and says that she's married to the Grinch. Red tells her that that's fine, as long as she doesn't tell Bob.
At the church, Eric and Leo stand outside and Eric tells Leo that the gang is driving him crazy; they think that space unicorns are Christmassy. Leo tells him that space unicorns is redundant. Eric says to imagine how the pageant would be if they did things the way that the gang wanted... Pastor Dave is playing the guitar; there's a unicorn in the cradle while Fez sits in a lifeguard chair. Jackie comes in on roller skates; Hyde comes in on a motorcycle with Donna on the back and says that he has gifts of frankincense, myrrh and Led Zeppelin IV. Donna comments that the baby Jesus is a girl; Kelso comes in dressed as a space man and gives a greeting in an alien language...
Eric says that he's going home to watch Holiday Inn
, but Leo tells him that this is his chance to spread Christmas cheer like VD; Eric agrees, saying that he'll only get one chance, but Leo tells him that VD can come back.
In the church office, in the circle, Eric tells the gang that they're going to do the play the way that it was meant to be done, and that means no space men, and anyone who can't deal with that isn't his friend. Kelso says that they should all also be nicer to people who want to watch Christmas specials; Hyde tells Kelso that Rudolph was small and had a high voice, and was light in the hooves. Fez says of course Rudolph was light in the hooves, he could fly, then gets what Hyde means, adding that he would have guessed Prancer. Eric says that since no one said anything, he's taking that as a vote of confidence. Pastor Dave comes in and tells them that he knows what's going on, he recognizes the smell from the AC/DC concert where he was handing out fliers, and fires Eric. As the gang gets up to go, Kelso tells them to wait, saying that Rudolph had a girlfriend, and if anyone was gay it was Herbie, because no straight elf would have that curl in the front of his hair like that.
[Scene change: Hyde, Kelso, Eric and Fez are at the corners of the screen, dancing.]
At the church, Pastor Dave tells the gang that he fired Eric; Donna asks him who's directing and he says that he is, and he'll whip them into shape... Later, the gang has him tied up to a chair with Christmas lights. He tells them it's a good joke, and now they should work on the scene where they untie him, but no one moves.
In the Forman driveway, Bob demands his stuff back; Red tells him that he doesn't know what Bob is talking about, and no. Bob tells him that he doesn't want anyone to have a happy Christmas. They begin to argue, and Eric comes in and tells them that this is great, they're starting a new tradition, fighting for Christmas, then asks them if they can't act for just one day of the year? He goes into the house; Kitty comments that he was right, and Red relents, and tells Bob that the decorations are in the dumpster behind the liquor store. Bob says that if he had any mistletoe, he'd kiss Red; Red says that if he had any mistlefoot, he'd put his foot in Bob's ass. Kitty tells Red that what she'd really like for Christmas is no more talk of him putting his foot in anyone's ass.
At the church, Leo comes in and sees Pastor Dave tied up and tells the gang that what they've done has brought a man of God to tears; Pastor Dave says that he's not crying, but Leo meant himself. He tells the gang that out of all of them, Eric is the only one with a fundamental moral code, and by crushing his spirit, they're really killed the Christmas spirit. Leo leaves; Donna says that he's right, and that this isn't their finest hour. Kelso tells Jackie that they could go home and watch the Christmas specials, but Jackie tells him that those are for babies; Kelso starts whining and saying "But I wanna!" He leaves; Donna says that they should go find Eric. The gang goes, although Hyde hesitates; Pastor Dave calls to them as they go out, and says that they forgot something, so Hyde comes back and plugs the lights in.
In the Forman living room, Eric is watching TV; Kitty comes in and comments that he looks so sad, so she's going to let him open his big gift now. She gives it to him and Eric is happy, saying that it's big enough, and heavy enough... could it be? He opens it up to find a raincoat. Kitty laughs and tells him that she disguised it by putting rocks in it to make it heavier; she takes it back and says that she'll rewrap it so that he can open it on Christmas morning but he'll have to pretend to be surprised.
At the church, Kelso is asleep, and has dream...Rudolph walks along, and Kelso pops up through a snow drift, and tells Rudolph that he can't watch the Christmas specials because his friends are laughing at him and making fun of him for wanting to watch them. Santa comes along and tells Kelso that people used to laugh at Rudolph too. The Little Drummer Boy comes up as well; Kelso asks what he should do, and Santa tells him to "screw those dumb asses" and that he's not hurting anyone by watching them, so he should watch them if he wants to. The Little Drummer Boy wants to leave, because he's cold. Kelso jumps up and flies around, then gets struck by lightning and falls to the ground. Santa catches him, and his nose glows red, like Rudolph's.
Kelso wakes up and checks his watch; he realizes that he can still get home in time to watch the specials. He runs out past Pastor Dave who calls for help. Kelso comes back and unplugs him, telling him that the only reason they mess with him is because they like him, which surprises Pastor Dave.
[Scene change: Jackie dances on screen.]
In the Forman driveway, the gang arrives to talk to Eric; he comes out and calls them all dillholes. Donna tells him that Pastor Dave will unfire him and he can direct the pageant again, and Leo says that he convinced them. Donna tells Eric that they got him a present; he opens it up and finds a cassette player; he tells them that he'll come back and direct the pageant. Fez says, "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!" Bob's lights go on; Red and Kitty come out and say the decorations aren't half bad; Bob comes over just as it starts to snow; he has a snow machine. Red tells Hyde to fix a light on the garage, so Hyde climbs up on a ladder to do that. Fez drops his candy and he and Pastor Dave kneel down to find it, while Leo and Jackie stand behind them. Eric and Donna stand by the Vista Cruiser and hold the tape deck for Red and Kitty to see; they come over and stand with Bob to look at the tape deck and the scene freezes just as the light on the garage glows... it's the Nativity Scene.
[End credits: At the church, the pageant is on; Fez is the shepherd, Jackie is Mary and Hyde is Joseph. Jackie comments that the baby Jesus has her eyes, and Hyde says that he has his hair. Donna and Leo come in as two of the three wise men; Kelso comes running in with a space helmet on as the third wise man. Eric comes up and pulls the helmet off Kelso's head, and Kelso starts rolling around on the ground, crying out that the air is toxic; everyone laughs, and Fez says, "God Bless Us Every One!"]