That '70s Show

Season 2 Episode 15

Burning Down the House

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Feb 07, 2000 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman basement, the gang is watching What's Happening!! on TV, and laughing at the show; Hyde comes out of his room and asks them to keep it down. Donna comments that he's got lipstick on his cheek and asks who he's got in his room with him; he says that he can't tell, then says that it's Kat Peterson; they don't believe him. Fez asks what happened to Farrah? Jackie comes in and tells them that she's got the invitations for her dinner party, and gives one to Kelso, and one to Donna, telling them that the attire is semi-formal-casual. Fez comments that this will give him a chance to wear his tuxedo t-shirt; Jackie comments that she doesn't have invitations for Fez or Hyde. She leaves, and Kelso tells Fez that he can come to the party; Jackie comes back in and tells Fez that he can't come, then leaves again. Eric offers Donna 100 dollars if she'll not make him go to the party, but she wants to see the money first. Fez goes upstairs; Hyde comes out of his room with Kat; she kisses him goodbye, then leaves. Donna and Eric are impressed; Hyde tells them that Kat is slumming and he's loving it. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Hyde boogies on the screen.] In the Forman kitchen, Kitty asks Red to get a casserole dish from Bob and Midge's place, as she's making tuna surprise for dinner and needs it. Red tells her that now that she's told him, it's not a surprise any more. Kitty informs him that it's Scrabble night, and Bob and Midge love tuna surprise, and that's why she's making it. Red comments that he doesn't like Bob and Midge, but Kitty tells him that Bob and Midge like him, and they're Red and Kitty's only friends, ever since he said what he said about Phyllis; Red points out that he didn't say anything that everyone didn't already know about Phyllis. [Scene change: Jackie gives a thumbs up to the camera.] On the Forman porch, Jackie tells Donna that she'll have dinner parties all the time when she's Mrs. Michael Kelso, Esq. She imagines... a formal dinner party with herself, Donna, and Eric standing around the piano as Kelso plays and sings Close To You to Jackie. They laugh and talk about fox hunts; Eric says how Kelso is a captain of industry and king among men; Kelso calls for the "help" and Fez comes in as the butler; they all laugh at the witty repartee that they're making and Eric says, "Top drawer! Top drawer!"... Jackie is still laughing to herself and repeating "top drawer!" Donna just stares at her in disbelief. In the Pinciotti kitchen, Red knocks on the door, and when no one answers, he walks in and picks up the casserole dish off of the counter. He sees Bob with his head in the sink and so says hi; Bob stands up and turns around, and Red sees that he has no hair on the top of his head. Bob quickly grabs his toupee from the counter and puts it on his head, then says hi back to Red. At Jackie's party, Kelso is at the piano playing chopsticks on the piano, Jackie snaps at him to stop it. Eric tells Donna that death would make the party fun; there's a knock on the door, and Jackie opens it to see Hyde and Fez there; she screams for Kelso. Hyde and Fez come in, and start eating the food. Jackie asks Kelso why they're there; he tells her that she's always talking about good manners, and he wanted to be mannerly. Other people start coming in through the open door; Kelso tells Jackie that he thought that if a party with 10 people would be fun, then a party with 30 people would be twice as much fun. Jackie tells him that she wanted a classy party, and Kelso tells her that it can still be classy. Behind them, Timmy announces that he's going to take off his pants. In the Forman kitchen, Red tells Kitty that Bob has no hair; she's shocked and asks for a visual on that, and hands him the magic sketch pad so that he can draw on that; he does, then shakes all the drawing off, so that the head is bald. Kitty is completely shocked; Red tells her that a toupee is a pretty big lie. At Jackie's party, Donna puts her drink down on the piano and Eric tells her to use a coaster; she calls him Kitty. He then looks around at everyone else at the party and refers to them as wild hooligans; she calls him Red. She explains that it's not his house and he doesn't have to worry about things; he should loosen up. Eric puts his beer on the piano without using a coaster, then says it's like he's seeing colors that he's never seen before. Hyde and Fez see Kat and her friends; Hyde says hi to her and offers her a beer, but she says no thanks, rolls her eyes at her friends who giggle, and they all walk away from him. Hyde tells Fez that he can't believe that she just blew him off like that, but Fez can believe it. Jackie asks Kelso if people are drinking from her parents' crystal; he tells her that they were drinking straight from the bottles, but that's not classy, so he told them to use the crystal. Jackie tells him that she's going up to her room to pout and she wants him to fix things; he tells her that it's the party of the year. She stamps on his foot and leaves; Kelso says that he doesn't get women, and Fez points out that neither does Hyde. [Scene change: Jackie jumps up towards camera.] In Jackie's bedroom, Donna comes in and asks Jackie if she's okay; Jackie says that she doesn't want to talk about Kelso, but then asks Donna's honest opinion of him. Donna tells Jackie that her expectations of Kelso aren't realistic; she wants him to be sophistocated and smart, but he's not. Jackie gasps in shock that Donna said that; a guy puts his head up from under the covers and tells them that they're really spoiling the mood in the make-out room. In the Forman kitchen, Red, Kitty, Bob and Midge are playing Scrabble. Red looks at Bob, then looks at his tiles, which spell B-A-L-D-I-N-G. Kitty does the same; her tiles spell A B-A-D R-U-G. Bob looks at his tiles; they spell S-H-O-O-T M-E. Midge tells them that she's going to have to pass, as she can't make any words; her tiles spell Z-Y-G-O-T-E-S. At Jackie's party, Hyde comments to Fez that Kat is good looking and just wants everyone to look at her; Fez says that's just like his friend who lied about making out with Kat Peterson. Eric tells them to loosen up; Fez tells him that Hyde is love-sick. Hyde denies this; Eric says again that it's a party and they should loosen up; as he's talking, he's gesturing with his drink and spills it all over the floor and in the waste paper basket. Kelso tells them that this is a great party that Jackie is missing and she needs to loosen up. Fez tells him that he just doesn't get it; the party was important to Jackie and Kelso ruined it by crapping all over it. Hyde laughs and agrees, then adds that it was just Jackie, so it doesn't matter. Kelso points out that he didn't want to burn Jackie, he just invited all the people to make the party good. Fez informs him that Jackie didn't want a good party, she wanted her party. Kelso realizes that this is true, and tries to kick everyone out; Eric tries to stop him and tells him to think, but Kelso says that this might be the first time in his life that he is thinking; he throws his cigar in the waste paper basket, and says that he's going to start putting Jackie's needs first. The waste paper basket starts burning; Kelso grabs Eric's glass of brandy and throws it on the fire to put it out, but that only makes it burn more. In the upstairs hallway, Jackie and Donna are heading downstairs; Jackie asks Donna how she could say what she said about Kelso? She informs Donna that she was supposed to give her honest opinion that Jackie and Kelso were great together, and adds that Kelso will make things better. As they're talking, they're heading towards the living room; they turn the corner, and see the fire in the room. In the Forman kitchen, Midge makes "sit" for six points... again. Red takes his turn and makes the word "cueball" then shrugs. Bob glares at him; Red says "sorry," but Bob just says that he likes billiards. He pauses, then admits that he wears a toupee. Midge tells him that if he tells everyone, then the'll know; Bob doesn't care. There's an uncomfortable silence, which Kitty breaks by saying that she wishes that she had a toupee, for those bad hair days. Red tells Bob that he doesn't have to hide from baldness; Midge tells them all that she's told Bob that if he could just grow as much hair on his head as he has on his back, he'd have no problem. Bob tells Red that he wishes he had the courage to look like Red, but he doesn't, and he supposes that that makes him a bad person. He decides to stop living the lie, and takes off his toupee. Everyone stares at him, then looks away; Kitty starts trying to stifle a laugh, and blames it on her sinuses, but then can't hold it in any longer; Red starts laughing as well, and Midge joins in. Red tells Bob that he was wrong, and that Bob needs to put his toupee back on. At Jackie's party, Eric is lying on the top of the piano and singing Donna to Donna, using a candlestick as a microphone. Donna tells Eric to get down, then tells Timmy to put his pants back on. Eric points out that she told him to loosen up, but she tells him that when the house is on fire, the party is over and it's time to tighten up. Eric points out that he's new at this. Kat and her friends head for the door; her friends go out, and Kat says hi to Hyde. He thinks for a moment and then says that he sees how this works; when she's with her friends, she won't talk to him, she's too busy for him; she tells him that he's right. Hyde comments that for a rich girl, she's kind of skanky, and he likes that, then offers to show her the garage; she accepts. Fez stands there and watches the whole conversation, and as Hyde and Kat head out, he shouts after them, "That proves nothing!" In the living room, Kelso is putting the stuffing back into a chair; Jackie comes in and Kelso apologizes to her. Jackie tells him that lately, he's been apologizing for a lot of things; Kelso tells her that this time, he means it. Fez agrees, saying that Kelso does mean it; he's stupid, but he loves her. Kelso tells Jackie that he'll do whatever it takes to make her happy. Jackie tells him that she doesn't think that that will ever happen; Kelso asks what she means, and she tells him that it means that she has a lot of thinking to do; she leaves. Kelso looks relieved, and tells the guys that he dodged a bullet there. Fez plays some ominous music on the piano. [Scene change: Kelso jumps across the screen.] At Jackie's place, in the living room, Kelso and Eric sit on the sofa; Kelso tells Eric that nothing good came of the party although he did find out that brandy is flammable. The screen splits to show Donna and Jackie in Jackie's bedroom; Jackie says that men are stupid. At the same time, both Kelso and Jackie say that the other sex thinks that they know what "we" want, but they don't. Donna agrees and says that it's simple; Eric agrees and says that it's confusing. Donna tells Jackie that the worst part was when Eric sang to her; Eric tells Kelso that he sang to Donna, and that she called him a dink, but he doesn't think that she meant it; Donna tells Jackie that Eric's a dink, and she means it. [End credits: At Jackie's house, Timmy comes back into the house looking for his pants Jackie tells him to get out; he says that his mom will kill him if he doesn't have his pants. Jackie grabs him to throw him out, and as she takes him to the door, Timmy says that he hears that she and Kelso are on the rocks, and asks her if he has a chance? Jackie kicks him, and throws him out the front door.]
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