Special Guest Star
Red: I can't believe those morons missed their own graduation.
Bob: My whole life I've waited to hear the Pinciotti name called at graduation. When they skipped from Olindorf to Stevens... a little part of me died.
Bob said he had waited his whole life for the Pinciotti name to be called at graduation, however Donna's older sister Valerie is at college, as Midge mentioned in Eric's Birthday, and therefore Bob would have heard her name called out.
The gang finally graduates from high school. One slight inconsistency: it's still 1978, and It's a Wonderful Life, in season four, states that they graduate in 1979.
Fez has to leave the U.S. because his visa expires upon his graduation. However, in the Canadian Road Trip episode from Season 3, Fez already had a green card, which means he is a U.S. permanent resident and does not any visas.
Jackie (hears Eric scream): What the hell was that?!
Kelso (frightened, screaming): It's the Lady of the Lake! She screms and then she kills! (runs and hides in a tent quickly)
Kelso: Hey Jackie! You're going to love these cookies on the camping trip. They're sweet and tasty, just like me.
Hyde: Kelso, this apple is just like you, too.
Kelso: You mean juicy and delicious?
Hyde: No, red and bruised. (punches Kelso)
Kelso: Oooooh! Yeah? Well, these hot dogs are like you too, Hyde! They're...um.. (looks towards Eric)
Kelso: Yeah! Kosher! Wait, what's kosher?
Eric: It means blessed by a rabbi.
Fez (conscience): There's Laurie! Okay, time to turn on the charm. (non-conscience) Hey, Laurie! Are you naked or just happy to see me?
Donna (turns around and ducks): Oh my God! FEZ!
Fez: Oh my God, DONNA! (conscience) Steady, old boy. It's a good chance that Donna has always longed for you, but was afraid to act to her lusty desires. Say something smooth. (non-conscience) Nice honkers!
Donna (throwing rocks at Fez): Get out of here!
Fez (dodging rocks): Hey! You like the rough stuff, eh?
Eric (sees panties and a bra on a rock): Oh YEEEES! (starts taking pants and shirt off, looks around, takes off underpants.) Why there you are, my little... sex muffin.
Laurie (turns around): Little brother?
Eric: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (grabs his clothes and runs away, screaming like a girl) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Fez's conscience after Laurie goes to the lake)
Fez: She's going to the lake, oh boy! That means topless rope-swinging! Now, do you want to spend last hours in America eating s'mores, or watching her glorious breasts swinging in the chilly night air? (non-conscience and regular self) I choose boobs!
Eric: Hey, come on Fez, just look on the bright side. We graduate tomorrow. You go to your country with a diploma. They'll probably make you like...Head Medicine Man or something.
Fez: Eric, there is no prize of going to a place where people are outnumbered by lizards.
Kelso: I'm gonna miss you man. When you get there, can you mail me a lizard?
Fez: Oh, we have no mail. We still use the old German telegraph that washed up on shore.
Fez: Ahh! My last American popsicle, washed down with my last American grape soda!
Hyde: Fez, it's sad that you're getting deported, but this last American crap is getting annoying.
Fez: Ahh, my last American chance to annoy you.
Fez: Now I am off to spend the rest of my American money on candy and porno.
Donna: But Fez...
Fez: I said candy and porno!
Eric: I don't know if it's the mountain air, or the poison from that thorn bush, but I slept great!
Laurie: I married Fez so he could stay in the country!
Red: You did what?
Laurie: Don't worry Daddy, I don't love him; I was just bored.
Jackie: I had to ask myself a really hard question: who do I love most? And the answer was so obvious, it was staring me in the face the whole time. The person I love most, is me! I love me most!
Hyde: You choose you?
Jackie: Look, if I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would!
Red: Kitty, if I dont make it, kill the foreigner.
In the original airing of this episode, Red had a fantasy sequence which starred Joe Theismann as himself. This scene was removed for both the syndicated version of the show, as well as the DVD release.
After Donna discovers that Eric packed the Millennium Falcon, Eric tries to defend himself by saying that it could be used as a dish for chips. Eric's line aired on TV, but was cut out of the DVD.
(playing his own version of American Pie)
Kelso: Something touched me deep inside, the day that Hyde... lied. So bye bye, Mr. Steven Hyde. I'm a hottie and your nottie, Jackie's gonna be mine. She likes my brunette locks not your curly ass twine. Oh, Jackie Burkhart you are so fiiiiine... Wrote that just for you, Jackie.
Hyde: You didn't write that, you just ripped it off of American Pie.
Kelso: Na-ah! The American Pie guy ripped me off!
The song that Kelso is rewriting the words to is American Pie (1971), written and sung by Don McLean. The real words to the part that Kelso is singing are:
Something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.
So bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry.
And them good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and rye,
Singing 'this will be the day that I die,
This will be the day that I die.'
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