That '70s Show

Season 3 Episode 22

Eric's Drunken Tattoo

1
Aired Sunday 8:00 PM May 01, 2001 on FOX

Episode Recap

In Donna's bedroom, she sits on the bed, writing in her journal; Eric comes in and asks what she's writing, but she won't tell him. She goes downstairs to get some sodas, leaving the journal on her desk. Eric hears the journal calling to him, telling him to read it, and he gives in to the voice, and begins flipping through the journal, reading bits of entries where Donna talks about how she thinks that she might be ready to sleep with Eric. He thinks this is boring, so he flips to the last page and reads about a dream that she had last night, where Eric was wicked and dangerous like Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. She then added that, of course, Eric's not like that; before he can read any more, the journal voice tells him that Donna's coming back, so he hastily puts the journal back on the desk. Donna comes back in with the sodas, and Eric is acting nervous and guilty. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Donna and Eric dance across the screen.] In Donna's bedroom, she's suspicious of Eric, and asks if he read her journal. He tells her that he didn't but she doesn't believe him, so he tells her that he was going through her underwear drawer, and that's why he's acting this way. He then leaves. In the Forman basement, Kelso and Jackie are on the sofa, watching tv. Kelso is lying down with his head in Jackie's lap and is asleep. He begins talking in his sleep, saying, "No, Jackie, this isn't going to work...." She tries to get him to say more, but Fez comes running in, excited that his X-Ray glasses have finally arrived, and his voice wakes Kelso up. Fez puts the glasses on and looks at Jackie, expecting to see her naked, but is disappointed. In the Forman kitchen, Kitty is making dinner; Red comes in and asks for a band aid as he cut his finger. As she puts the band aid on him, Kitty tells Red that Pastor Dave is coming to dinner; Red is upset because there's a Packer's Round-Up on tv tonight that he wanted to watch, but with Pastor Dave there, he won't be able to do that, because Pastor Dave will be going on and on about God. In Donna's bedroom, Jackie is telling Donna about what happened while Kelso was asleep, and what he said. She says that she needs to get him to go to sleep again so that he'll talk some more. Donna's not very interested in this, so Jackie tells her that at least Kelso's not boring like Eric. Donna gets angry, and reminds Jackie that Kelso isn't like Eric, because Kelso's a cheating, lying, untrustworthy diary-reader. Jackie asks what Donna's talking about, and Donna admits that she thinks that Eric read her diary. In the Forman dining room, Pastor Dave asks if Red and Kitty know who he loves? Red guesses, "Jesus?", and Pastor Dave tells him no, Vince Lombardi. Red, surprised by this, tells Pastor Dave that there's a Packer Round-Up on tv, and if they eat fast, they can watch it. Kitty doesn't like this, and takes Red into the kitchen to talk to him, telling him that the evening wasn't supposed to be about football, it was supposed to be about socializing. She's serving up the plates of food as she's talking and gives one to Red to take out to Pastor Dave. When he comes back in for the next plate, she continues to harangue him about watching football; Red points out that Pastor Dave ~wants~ to watch it, so if they're being good hosts, they should let him. Kitty notices that the band aid is no longer on Red's finger and asks where it is. He's puzzled, because it was there a few minutes ago....and he realizes that it must be on Pastor Dave's plate. He runs back out to the dining room just in time to see Pastor Dave cleaning off his plate. [Scene change: Eric and Kelso jumping.] At Leo's place, the guys are drinking sake and Eric is telling Hyde, Fez and Leo about Donna's diary, and how she wishes he were dangerous. Hyde says that they don't want to hear it, and Eric promises not to talk about it any more. A few drinks later, Eric is going on in detail about how Donna wishes he were dangerous, and regrets that he's no Steve Tyler. Hyde points out that pretty soon, Donna will probably dump Eric for a biker with a tattoo; this gives Eric a great idea; he should get a tattoo, because that's dangerous. Eric realizes that he could get a tattoo right now, because there's a tattoo parlor right near Leo's place; Leo tries to talk Eric out of it, telling him that he shouldn't pay for something that he'll regret for the rest of his life, because Leo will do it for free. [Scene change: a shot from below as Hyde, Fez and Kelso walk across the screen.] At Leo's place, Eric is leaning over the table, his pants are down, and Leo is working on the tattoo on Eric's butt. Eric says how cool he feels getting a tattoo, and how impressed Donna will be; Leo agrees, saying, "Debbie is really gonna like this!" Eric tells Leo that his girlfriend's name is Donna, not Debbie, and Leo says that it's ok, he can fix it, and Debbie will never notice. As Leo is trying to figure out what to do to fix it, Fez suggests that he should turn it into boobs, and they all laugh, except Eric, who just keeps repeating that his girlfriend's name is Donna. In Jackie's bedroom, Kelso comes in and Jackie tells him that it's time for bed. Kelso wants to do it, but Jackie tells him that she invited him over for a ~sleep~ over, and that's what they're going to do. Kelso tries to change her mind, but she won't budge, and suggests that they read out loud in bed. In the Forman livingroom, Red and Pastor Dave are talking football, while Kitty sits by looking bored. Red is diagramming Packer plays using peanuts; Kitty tells Red that she needs to talk to him in the kitchen. She tells him that he's not being sociable, but he disagrees; as they start to argue, they hear Pastor Dave groan from the livingroom, and when they go back out, they find him lying on the sofa, clutching his stomach. He asks to be taken to the hospital. In Jackie's bedroom, Jackie is reading a Nancy Drew book; Kelso is wide awake and enjoying it. When she finishes, he asks her to read him another book, so she takes down another volume of Nancy Drew and begins reading.....later on, when Jackie thinks Kelso is asleep, she leans over to check on him. He says that it's not going to work, and Jackie asks what he's talking about, thinking that he's talking in his sleep again. But Kelso tells her that it's not going to work; he can't get to sleep with her staring at him. In Eric's bedroom, Eric is sleeping, and has a dream: Eric is on a platform, dressed and coiffed like Steve Tyler of Aerosmith; he's singing to Donna, and then leans down to kiss her. She tells him that he's really hot; he tells her that he has a tattoo and she grabs her diary and writes in it, "Eric is perfect!" Eric wakes up and is happy with his dream. [Scene change: Donna leans in for a close-up, Jackie dances.] In the Forman kitchen, Red and Kitty are explaining to Pastor Dave what happened. Pastor Dave can't believe that they fed him a band aid, and asks how it happened. Red says it was an accident, and apologizes. Pastor Dave then tells them that the doctor said he was suffering from food poisoning from an undercooked sausage; Red blames Kitty, who denies responsibility. In Jackie's bedroom, Kelso is finally asleep, and begins to talk, saying again that it's not going to work. Jackie asks him what isn't going to work, and he says "The car won't work, ...so we'll have to take the bus to our wedding." Jackie is ecstatic with this, and leans over and kisses him, telling him, "I love you, Michale Kelso." Kelso replies, "I love you too, Jackie.....Onassis." In the upstairs hallway at the Pinciotti's house, Eric walks up to Donna's bedroom door and tries to kick it open, but fails and falls on the floor. Donna opens the door and asks him what he's doing. He tells her that he has a tattoo, and when she asks why he got one, he tells her that now he's dangerous. This confirms Donna's suspicions that he'd read her diary, and she asks him if he did. He denies it at first, but when she promises not to get mad even if he did, he admits having read it. Donna starts yelling at him that he's sneaky; Eric tells her that she's the sneaky one, having thoughts that she keeps from him, so he's not sorry. Donna reads him a different part of her diary where she talked about how much she loved him and was happy with everything that they have, and asks why he couldn't have read that part? Eric apologizes and tells Donna that he sometimes gets worried about their relationship; she explains that she's allowed to have her private thoughts, then forgives him and asks to see his tattoo. He warns her not to be surprised if it says "Debbie." As he drops his pants and shows her, Donna begins to laugh, and then says, "Woodstock." Eric asks if that's what it says, and Donna explains that it doesn't say "woodstock", it ~is~ Woodstock, Snoopy's friend. [End credits: In the Forman driveway, Red has everyone lined up and is telling Pastor Dave that, "if properly executed, the power sweep is unstoppable." Kitty doesn't want to do the play again, but Red insists. Just as he's about to call the play, Kitty asks if anyone wants cookies, and everyone goes inside.] Of note in this episode: Eric is now the second member of the gang to have a tattoo on his butt. Fez showed his tattoo in the first season episode, Hyde Moves In.
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